To refuse to deal with the aftermath of my mother's inevitable death?

[MusingsOfANoContactDaughter]

I'm NC with my mother, there are many reasons for it and all are valid. She made my life a misery and should have never had children.

She's getting on now and her health is bad due to her lifestyle.

When the inevitable happens I've already decided I want no part of it. I won't be doing the daughter duties of clearing out her place or making sure her affairs are in order, I most certainly won't be contributing to any funeral. I don't want the burden nor the stress it will cause me. There isn't masses of family to offload it all to so it's inevitable it will fall to me.

So AIBU? And what happens when I say I want no part in it?

Interesting as I will be in a similar position soon I suspect. No other family and NC for nearly 20 years.
I want no part of any of it and just worry I will end up with some form of cost as a parting gift from them.

This is what I will be doing. I will let the nearby relatives go in and take whatever they want with a time limit, then it’ll be a house clearance company who can take everything and sell it. I want nothing.

Do nothing. NC is the same in life as in death. The council will clear her belongings, pay for her funeral and try to claim as much as they can from the estate.

So AIBU? And what happens when I say I want no part in it?

absolutely not being unreasonable. As for what happens meh! Who cares! Don't even think about it. If someone you didn't know died you wouldn't be expected to sort their stuff out. This is exactly the same.

You do as much or as little as you want. If her stuff sits in a house for years, so what! If the council come and put the whole lot in skips so what!

If someone says oh I hear your mum's died. Just say you're mistaken my mum died years ago, or yeah it's great isn't it! And continue about your day.

Just because she is your mum doesn't mean you have to give a fuck.

Hmmm tough one
I attended the funeral and paid for the stone
I only did this as my grandmother is still alive but when she goes neither me or my uncle will be tending the grave (which my mother didn't even want, she wanted a cremation)
I think it boils down to who you will be upsetting by not being involved and how that makes you feel?

I really didnt want anything to do with my DMs funeral but I could let my aunt deal with it all. In the end it wasnt too bad but I was bitter that she had done nothing for me all my life and i was having to clear everything.

But with your DM just keep repeating the mantra that it is nothing to do with you and the council will have to sort it out. If you show willing to do anything they will have you doing and paying for it all.

OP, you are morally under no obligation to get involved, but you may want to check the legal aspects of the situation. Depending on the country you live in you may inherit by default and that would mean you'd be legally repsonsible. In some countries you will actively have to refuse the inheritance to make sure you are not legally on the hook for her affairs after her death.

I doubt anyone will expect you to clear her personal items if already no contact.

I am NC with all my relatives. They live in a different country which helps.

I did not attend my father's funeral and have no intention to ever have anything to do with any of them. I assume there might be some legal reasons why I might have to provide some written response (due to that country having different laws) to possibly but I will do that remotely and through a lawyer if needed.

Both parents were abusive and did me untold damage mentally and physically. My relatives on my father side had little contact themselves with my parents (so I never met them). Relatives on my mother's side are equally toxic and chose not to believe me when I started talking about the abuse as an adult.

As far as I am concerned don't feel guilty about not wanting to get involved.

Other posters will know far more about the logistics of this than I do.

But just wanted to send you a hug. Maybe you don't need one, but I'm also NC with my mother and having to think about this stuff is shit. I'm sorry you're having to wrestle with it.