Going on holiday is horrid

[CountTheStars]

With children under 5. Why do I do it? Why does anyone do it? It’s just stressful, expensive, stuff always goes wrong, the kids fight, get overtired & don’t appreciate any attractions or walks or planned trips out; they’re just as happy playing by a puddle in a fucking car park or throwing stones one by one down a drain.

No-one agrees on what they want to do with the day so you compromise & end up doing something no-one wants at all. For some mysterious reason you think it’d be a great idea to uproot the kids from a nicely established routine & a familiar environment where you’ve got everything under control to an unfamiliar place, where the beds & rooms are different, so bedtimes are a right effing drama & you get little to no sleep. The weather is traditionally shite (looking at you UK holidays) and you spend about 3 days trying to figure out how everything works in the new place. Plus the tortuously long car journeys there & back if you’re crazy like me & booked somewhere too far away.

Everyone breathes an audible sigh of relief to get home. Kids go and play with a puddle/drain, I can watch junk on Netflix in the evening, and everyone is happy.

I don’t think I ABU in thinking this about holidays with preschoolers because all I could hear when out and about where angry/exhausted parents, and pockets of screaming. No-one enjoys holidays with under 5’s, surely?

We just had a lovely holiday with DS 3, we drove to the Netherlands, everything was planned in advance (lots of things to do for DC plus adults) with some flexibility to account for weather, we were well prepared, rented a cottage in the forest sat outside in the evenings drinking wine while DS was in bed or made just of the sauna, ate out every night barring the first when we picked up pizza from the local supermarket, easy breakfast at home then out for the day. If you like holidays lazing around by the pool etc that won't be compatible with young children, but we have always come back from holiday more tired than when we went!

There is another similar thread running about holidays with young dc.

I'm sticking to day trips by the sea for the time being (it is a long drive not just an hour away in the car). There are so many factors at play here - dc's temperament (one of my dc's find change in routine difficult for example).

Going through the peri-menopause and dc naturally being dc want to be on the go all the time (if we go somewhere like the beach) whereas I want to collapse in a heap. Short bursts are the way to go for me currently. I keep my expectations low and just enjoy the sea/scenery/change of scene etc. play with the dc but then home to bed. The cost of eating out etc. seems pretty steep too for a family, so I totally understand the cost element of paying a lot of money for something that isn't necessarily enjoyable/relaxing for everyone and yes, children often remember the simple things as you mentioned op.

The problem with holidays is that it’s just parenting abroad. You don’t get a break, because you’re doing more than you’d do at home and they were at nursery / school etc.

This. Although I don't go away during term-time, I absolutely make sure I do some nice things for me/get some rest/see friends etc. whilst dc are at school. In this way I do get a bit of a break even thought it isn't 'going away'. I appreciate this is a bit more difficult for those who work full-time.

We've always done these types of holidays and never had these stressful ones that pp are talking about.

Please don't say that ! I have just plucked up the courage to take fosterlings 1 and 2 away for a couple of nights, it will be the first time I have attempted it on my own. We are having a last hoorah with 2 as they are leaving me soon for their forever home and I want to practise before taking No.1 away later in the summer. We always used to go as a family but our dynamics have changed recently so now it is just me and the babies.

I hope I prove you wrong!

I’ve only ever done self-catering holiday cottage holidays in the UK. Maybe that’s my issue

So it doesn’t ever feel like a holiday at all, as I’ve basically exchanged one kitchen sink for another

I can see why that wouldn’t feel much different, I took my two to Cornwall last year and it was just like being at home with the cleaning/making food but they had a great time and that’s all that mattered really.

I had to lower my expectations, I didn’t get to read a whole book or lounge around but it was mixing weather and we went to the beach every day.

We are going AI next year though, we haven’t been since my son was 4, but it was lovely when he was little. No pressure, ate when we wanted, played on the beach and in the pool all day. Picked a hotel with play parks/water slides so there was plenty for him to do. DH and I would let DS eat in the hotel restaurant and then put him in a stroller and find a local restaurant for us to eat at a bit later on.

Haven’t we just had this thread?

I get some people don’t like taking kids on holiday, but for the vast majority it’s not a horrible experience.

We always took ours away, long haul, from tiny babies onwards. It was easy, especially when they were really little and worn out by 7pm from all the swimming etc.

Ok so that's the issue. You basically need to take your house then. It's exhausting. I would have stayed home rather than do this. With little ones, AI is the way to go.

Not my experience at all, we all love holidays and love sleeping in different beds, nice hotel rooms, caravans etc. if it's so awful though I don't understand why you go? I wouldn't do something I enjoyed so little.

Where do you go on holiday? Mine are great.

Why do you imagine we all find it horrid? We don't. Self catering in a Uk cottage sounds rather horrid and pointless in and of itself, to me, but that has nothing to do with having small children.

This is why I don't do UK holidays unless PIL are along for childcare. Same shit, pay way more for it, and you're without your usual coping strategies.

However, we go abroad and have great holidays by the simple expedient of paying through the nose for places with brilliant kids' clubs...

First holiday after DC1 wasn't great because I hadn't adjusted to the difference between holidaying without DC and with them. My DC are 10 and 12 now and the only holidays I haven't enjoyed have been because of bad weather. Contrary to some PPs, I prefer to self-cater. We always go in the UK or France so we can drive and take as much of the DCs toys etc as they want. We usually get a cottage with plenty of space and a nice garden. Since they've been older we look for WiFi too. I only cook simple meals and pretty much let fussy DC2 have what she wants while we're away to avoid stress.

This is why we bought a caravan. Completely changed holidays with our kids (dd has sn and struggles with change).

We had some fabulous times in it, and dd could take her pet rat with her, which helped her enormously.

I never took mine on holiday when they were small, for precisely those reasons.Why would they want to go on a plane, all that waiting and jostling. Followed by heat, strange food and beds, and all their familiar things not there. Wait til they're older, much older!

YABU. We've just been to CP in Belgium with DC(6&4) and it was an amazing week together. Even the drive wasn't too bad because holiday rules are different. Holiday rules mean iPads can be used in the car. It is parenting in a different place but unless you leave them at home you are going to have to parent! Reframe what a holiday is and you can have a great time. Mind you I've never really been one for lying by the pool. We also plan where we are going before hand with a loose itinery so no need for arguing on holiday.

UK holidays are hard work. All holidays with under 5s should be somewhere with a swimming pool and or beach, ideally a kids club to give you some peace and food made and then cleaned up by someone else. At a push, a centre parcs style holiday can be fun with little ones but will need planning and 1 activity booked a day plus swimming, and budgeting for eating out at least once a day.

I do love holidays, but have hated the "lets go on a walk / to look at a museum / and interesting building in drizzle" of the last 2 years. Bring on planes to the med. (Further flights should not be tackled with under 10s)

What do you expect with wee ones under 5!? The holiday has to work around them and not you so they don't get over tired, bored etc. I had two under 5 and a newborn and never had a problem on holiday.

Mine have been travelling abroad since they were babies. We’ve had loads of fantastic trips, both short hall and long haul. They prefer flying long haul as they love the constant eating and watching films for hours! Dubai was fantastic when they were 2 and 5 as we kept them on their usual schedules which meant that we had a very late breakfast and they stayed up until 11 every night! It was four hours ahead. We spent hours floating around the lazy river in the water park attached to the hotel.

We never go self-catering - we’ve done Center Parcs numerous times but we always eat out. It’s a rest for us as there’s no cooking or cleaning. They’re 8 and 11 now and we did New York earlier this year which they both loved.

We've been fortunate enough to have a few dozen holidays with our DC since they were babies (everything from short UK city breaks to long-haul 20+ hour flights to remote pacific islands). I have loved every single one of them bar one (our eldest was a toddler and our middle DC just 12 weeks old - toddler was ill and extremely tired and grumpy until about midday on our last day. I would happily have flown home early from that one). But honestly, I have cherished every minute spent travelling with my kids - seeing the world through their eyes has made travel 100x better.

However, we go with absolutely zero expectation that it will be relaxing for us as the parents. Fun, yes, fulfilling, yes, but NOT relaxing. We have always planned trips around what will be enjoyable for them, and then go along for the ride.

I do agree with the PP who said that 6-10 is a golden age for travelling with children. Its definitely more challenging (and expensive) now they are teens and I feel very sad that the era of family adventures is coming to an end.

Thanks to our shit airports, abroad is definitely not a pleasant experience until you get there. I’ve always doubt holidays in the UK to be shit with or without kids due to the unpredictable climate. We once spend a week in the Lake District in July and it rained all day every day for the week. Where is the fun in that?

Sorry I pressed the wrong button by mistake- YANBU

I came off a 5 hour flight where baby screamed and cried for 4 1/2 hours. I felt extraordinarily sorry for mum whilst at the same time very frustrated..

I did Heaven when mu ds was young.. Don't think of it as a holiday. Its a change of situation...

I woukd say 7 was the perfect time to start going abroad

I’m currently away AI abroad with our DD 2.5 and it’s been awesome so far. I only have one though and a hands DH. We booked a family suite so she has her own bed and we are in a different room. So once she’s asleep we can shag and then I watch Netflix while eating junk 👍 The journey over was stressful as I’d never travelled on a plane with her but she was ok other than not staying put while we were in the departure line (and the delay was a bit shit) but once we arrived it’s like a weight that got lifted. It’s not a jam packed adventure like the holidays of old, but it’s been worth it