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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kissing a new baby

45 replies

CountryGirl189 · 04/06/2022 10:49

Currently 30 weeks pregnant and been thinking about this recently.

I personally feel really strongly about this and don’t want people, grandparents included, kissing our baby on the lips/nose for the first few weeks in case any viruses or sicknesses are passed on.

I brought this up to my OH who thinks it’s absolutely ridiculous and won’t back me up with this. I also mentioned it to my mum and she laughed and said ‘I’ve heard it all now’ and says she won’t not do this because ‘how do I think people brought up babies before mine’.

It’s getting me really down to the point where I don’t want to let anyone see the baby if they’re not going to be respectful of, what I think, is a perfectly reasonable request to protect the health of my child.

I’m I just being as ridiculous as everyone is telling me?

OP posts:
KurriKawari · 04/06/2022 10:50

Surely no one kisses a baby on the lips anyway?!

Original poster
CountryGirl189 · 04/06/2022 10:55

@KurriKawari well this is the initial thought that I had because I would never dream of even kissing a baby on the forehead unless the parent had explicitly said that this was okay - even then I still wouldn’t do it!

But apparently I’m being ‘absolutely ridiculous’ about asking people not to kiss the baby around their mouth?!

I know some people kiss their children on the mouth and I personally don’t like it, but my OH still kisses his mum on the lips now, so I know this will be an issue and I’ve no idea how to navigate it 😬

OP posts:
PeterPomegranate · 04/06/2022 10:59

People do kiss babies. I personally think it’s good for babies to have that loving contact. I would balance that against the risk of germs and decide that the contact is more important.

Of course you can decide for your own baby. But it’s your husband’s baby too so it might cause conflict if you have such different views.

I say this kindly, are you struggling with anxiety about the baby? I did when my son was a baby and it was a very difficult time. Please keep an eye on your mental health. Take care xx

Original poster
CountryGirl189 · 04/06/2022 11:02

@PeterPomegranate Yes, I do have anxiety and I am currently receiving help with this.

I just personally don’t see why anyone would kiss a tiny baby on the lips and risk it being sick, than just wait a few weeks for it’s immune system to build up a bit.

I’m not saying no kisses, they can kiss anywhere they like, just not it’s lips!

OP posts:
Whatshouldbemyusername · 04/06/2022 11:02

@CountryGirl189 when I had my little one about 10 months ago. I requested everyone politely that I didn't want anyone to kiss her and if you want to hold her, obviously wash hands before that.

It's only in the last 2 months or so that grandparents are kissing her.
It's your baby and don't feel a way to set boundaries x

bellabasset · 04/06/2022 11:02

@KurriKawari I'm afraid they do. It's a well known fact that most people have herpes simplex and can pass that onto a baby. But Covid-19 highlighted the fact that most people don't wash their hands properly or understand basic hygiene. My gm (born 1886) was very strict on this and as a child we were supervised at school after playtime to wash hands.

So@CountryGirl189 Cuddling a baby, kissing a baby on the head is fine but potentially spreading germs by kissing them on the lips is not. You stick to your guns, it was never a big issue at home as children, we washed our hands after going to the toilet - boys as well as girls - and before eating.

Glitterspy · 04/06/2022 11:04

You will no doubt get shouts of PFB and perhaps you are a bit.

Its vital your baby is exposed to a normal amount of germs or it won’t develop a proper immune system.

If you breastfeed then natural immunity is passed on.

loafandleaf · 04/06/2022 11:05

I don't think anyone needs to kiss a baby except their own parents/small siblings. There are plenty other ways to give comfort.

I don't kiss my own babies on the mouth and I definitely would never allow anyone else to! I've taught my 2yo to only kiss the baby's head also.

We had some major pushback from my partners family from this, they refused to even listen to our reasons why we weren't allowing anyone to kiss the baby and likened themselves to "lepers" (my family had zero issues on the matter). So in the end, along with a few other issues, we couldn't trust they would respect our wishes as parents and they barely saw 2yo and now the baby too.

It's your choice OP and in my opinion, when it comes to keeping your children safe this is a very very small price for them to pay.
I'd send links around to the effects of RSV and cold sores on children to be honest!

EatingToast · 04/06/2022 11:09

6 months ago when I had my son the midwives and nurses were emphatic about not letting anyone kiss my baby, at all. There had been an increase in newborns contracting the herpes virus and some had sadly become very poorly indeed. I don't think this is an unreasonable request and frankly wouldn't care if anybody thought otherwise.

GodspeedJune · 04/06/2022 11:11

I wouldn’t even want people kissing baby on the lips when they’re older than a few weeks. Why risk passing on RSV or herpes? Why doesn’t a cuddle suffice?

I only kiss DP on the lips and think it’s odd people want to kiss babies there.

MrsToothyBitch · 04/06/2022 11:12

YANBU. I wouldn't like this either. I wouldn't kiss babies and wouldn't like mine kissed at all, esp on the lips. I don't see the need and the herpes risk is under estimated by so many. I think you're sensible.

Nursery colds, older babies touching everything etc doesn't bother me but ice never liked the idea of kissing babies.

Original poster
CountryGirl189 · 04/06/2022 11:16

Don’t really appreciate the ‘PFB’ label to be honest 😂

I’ll be breastfeeding and as I said earlier, they can cover them in kisses anywhere and everywhere except around their mouth! I’m all for them building their immune system and as soon as they’re walking, I’ll be making sure they’re rolling in mud and all sorts, but for the first few weeks of their life, I’d be so angry if someone passed something on because they’d ignored my request and planted a smacker right on their mouth!

Don’t really understand why people don’t see it as common sense - if my partner had covid for example, I wouldn’t go kissing him because I wouldn’t want to get it 😅

OP posts:
Original poster
CountryGirl189 · 04/06/2022 11:18

@GodspeedJune yeah I’ve personally always found it a bit odd and my parents never did it to me, which is why I’ve found my mum’s reaction so odd?!

OP posts:
JackieQueen · 04/06/2022 11:26

Hopefully your midwife might give you advice on this and your husband will be there, if he won't take it from you he must listen to a professional surely. It's not pfb just common sense and keeping your baby healthy. Good luck 💐

Original poster
CountryGirl189 · 04/06/2022 11:30

@JackieQueen I’m going to take him with me next time and ask her about it so that he can see that I’m not just making it up - which I’m pretty sure he thinks I am doing, even though I’ve sent him umpteen articles!

OP posts:
LondonMaybe · 04/06/2022 11:33

Your baby your rules. You are not being Pfb. People don’t understand the risks of a cold sore virus in babies. I hate this argument that babies survived previously if something didn’t have a 100% mortality. Their generation were also not using car seats let alone belts, took thalidomide and smoked and had lead paint. Just because the majority survived doesn’t mean you should keep doing it.
repeat holding fine after washing hands, no kissing.

Sirzy · 04/06/2022 11:35

It's your baby and don't feel a way to set boundaries

baby has two parents. She can express her concerns (and I agree about not liking the idea of kissing on lips) but she can’t instruct the babies father what to do.

user2908143823142536475859708 · 04/06/2022 11:35

I hate it when people kiss babies

Someone did and my 3 year old is plagued with cold sores. Soon as one disappears another one is right there.

It's awful.

Do not let anyone kiss your baby. I told everyone not to but apparently people can't help themselves.

Helpyou · 04/06/2022 11:39

Don’t really understand why people don’t see it as common sense

OP, you don't see it from our point of view and we don't see it from yours. Noone is right or wrong it just all stems down to different opinions / cultural differences / health anxiety. I personally think parents are too cautious these days and I think worry about too much. I can be quite an anxious person in general but this really wouldn't bother me at all. It doesn't mean to say I'm right and you're wrong.

orwellwasright · 04/06/2022 11:42

According to some of the people on here the only people who should kiss babies are mothers. But only breastfeeding ones. If you FF you'll have to make do with a fist bump.

cravingmilkshake · 04/06/2022 11:43

I wasn't fussed about this but then one of our two week old twins was blue lighted to hospital with RSV and we were in for just over a week. It was horrendous.

I had to leave my two year old and other newborn twin with my husband. Such a scary time.

You're not being precious, you're not being ridiculous. Your baby, your rules

Original poster
CountryGirl189 · 04/06/2022 11:43

@Helpyou so if someone came round to see your baby and knowingly had a cold sore coming but didn’t tell you and kissed your baby all over the mouth, you’d feel absolutely perfectly fine about it? 🤨

OP posts:
Tee20x · 04/06/2022 11:43

I always find stuff like this odd - I'm the same as you OP but I'm always shocked by other peoples reactions, as if you're being crazy by objecting to people kissing your baby.

What is the need for people do do this? Because they're a baby and they're cute you should kiss their face, nose & mouth?? You wouldn't do that to an older child or an adult so I find it weird that people seem to think babies are an objection to this.

Original poster
CountryGirl189 · 04/06/2022 11:45

@Tee20x honestly blows my mind! Kiss them anywhere you like, but for me the lips are a no-go zone, especially in the first few weeks of life!

If someone kissed a baby on the lips and they ended up getting severely ill from it, would they still have the same view of ‘it’s fine?’

OP posts:
orwellwasright · 04/06/2022 11:49

Your baby, your rules

Lol. Didn't think it would be long before someone trotted this anodyne crap out.

Feel free to tattoo your baby, or use it as a mop. Your baby, your rules. Yawn.