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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pull out method when not in a committed relationship

54 replies

thisiswhatyoucamefor · 03/06/2022 17:20

My sister (39) has been dating a man (33) for 6 months. It's early days and they are 'seeing how it goes'. Yesterday she told me they use the pull out method. My sister is not on any contraception (and has made him aware that abortion is a no go).

Although he is not pauper (he is a very young professor), my sister is well off (£2m assets) and something just seems fishy to me but my sister won't hear any of it.

AIBU or am I correct in that this guy is trying to impregnate her $?

OP posts:
TeenPlusCat · 03/06/2022 17:23

Or she wants a kid, can support the baby and this is her best chance?

Unanananana · 03/06/2022 17:23

It is not a method, it is trying for a baby.

Its up to your sister though. He can't get hold of her money unless she allows it. I would support her but keep your opinions to yourself.

luxxlisbon · 03/06/2022 17:24

Why is it any more him trying to get her pregnant than her trying to get pregnant if she is choosing to have unprotected sex and would follow through with a pregnancy?

She’s almost 40, she can make her own choices.

GrazingSheep · 03/06/2022 17:24

Surely she’s equally responsible? Does she want a baby?

user1471457751 · 03/06/2022 17:26

Sounds like your sister wants a baby

Liorae · 03/06/2022 17:27

I think it's far more likely that your sister is trying to pull an Oops pregnancy. Fortunately it sounds like she can afford to go it alone, as that is probably what will happen.

FiveNineFive · 03/06/2022 17:28

How will him impregnating her get him any money?

AngeloMysterioso · 03/06/2022 17:29

The pull out method isn’t a method.

Ownedbymycats · 03/06/2022 17:30

It's the put in that's the problem, not the pull out.

purplemunkey · 03/06/2022 17:32

How would he have access to her money if she became pregnant?

Original poster
thisiswhatyoucamefor · 03/06/2022 17:32

She has been pregnant twice previously while with her ex-fiance, she aborted both pregnancies (condom failure).

OP posts:
Original poster
thisiswhatyoucamefor · 03/06/2022 17:37

I do not know for certain whether she wants a child. I did ask her and she was very vague in her response (she has a lot of baggage). From what I understand, he has been insisting on no condoms due to lack of sensation/ability to cum when using them and has piled the pressure on.

OP posts:
rainyskylight · 03/06/2022 17:41

Agree with PP. Your sister wants a baby. Sounds like her semi-partner is quite smart though so could be good genes. She’s probably thinking the same thing.

PearlclutchersInc · 03/06/2022 17:42

Why isn't she using contraception; is she a risk taker? She might want to give it some serious consideration.

Regardless of his occupation or her income its her responsibility as she's the one that'll be left holding the baby - literally.

Naavi · 03/06/2022 17:44

If she's taking the risk chances are she's okay with getting pregnant.

DemBonesDemBones · 03/06/2022 17:48

@AngeloMysterioso well it is...

fatherfintanstack · 03/06/2022 17:48

Well he hardly sounds a gentleman for piling on the pressure to do anything sexual at all but I don't know if that means making her uncomfortable, or just preferring to do it without and she's said 'well fine but if I get pregnant, I'm keeping it'. At 39 if she's unsure then she might be leaving it to chance rather than either formally trying or using precautions.

You make her sound quite vulnerable despite the wealth, is this the case?

USaYwHatNow · 03/06/2022 17:48

If she's using strict withdrawal then it's likely to work. Worked for us for 5 years and then we fell pregnant the first cycle we decided to try for a baby.

Rumplestrumpet · 03/06/2022 17:49

Yeah my sister did this. He was somehow surprised when she fell pregnant. It was presented as an accident but neither did much to prevent it.
10 years and 3 kids later they're happily married but it really wasn't expected to go that way.

I'd say at 39 she isn't owning the fact that she does want a kid, wants it to happen "accidentally" and he may he in the same position, or perhaps he's figured it's not his responsibility.

Original poster
thisiswhatyoucamefor · 03/06/2022 17:52

She is vulnerable, yes, beaten black and blue by her ex fiance.

OP posts:
Unanananana · 03/06/2022 17:56

DemBonesDemBones · 03/06/2022 17:48

@AngeloMysterioso well it is...

No its not a method. Its unprotected sex. Calling it a method doesn't override the biological facts.

Unprotected sex could mean pregnancy.

SarahDippity · 03/06/2022 17:58

He sounds dreadful. Coercive and selfish. And she sounds vulnerable.

Basilbrushgotfat · 03/06/2022 17:59

I don't think you can assume that she's hoping for a pregnancy. That's just one possibility.

I used to have a partner who insisted on this this method, I didn't feel confident enough to refuse.

From your additional posts, it sounds much more likely that she's going along with it because she doesn't feel able to insist otherwise. Maybe part of her also secretly hopes for a baby, who knows...But its her life and I don't see that you can interfere.

Luredbyapomegranate · 03/06/2022 18:02

I’d assume that your sister wants a baby, and that’s ok by him.

I don’t think it’s fishy, I guess he knows she can support it, and doesn’t mind being a PT father if it should happen.

Are you really concerned about her rather than him? Is there some reason she couldn’t manage a baby?

newbiename · 03/06/2022 18:03

Ownedbymycats · 03/06/2022 17:30

It's the put in that's the problem, not the pull out.

Very true 😂

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