Pull out method when not in a committed relationship

[thisiswhatyoucamefor]

My sister (39) has been dating a man (33) for 6 months. It's early days and they are 'seeing how it goes'. Yesterday she told me they use the pull out method. My sister is not on any contraception (and has made him aware that abortion is a no go).

Although he is not pauper (he is a very young professor), my sister is well off (£2m assets) and something just seems fishy to me but my sister won't hear any of it.

AIBU or am I correct in that this guy is trying to impregnate her $?

personally i'd bin any man straight away if they insisted on no condoms in a casual relationship ...has she not heard of STD's.

Even if he doesn't want to use condoms that doesn't stop your sister using contraception.

Him pressuring her is obviously a very bad sign though.

How long since she split from her abusive ex?

Perhaps she could do with some relationship free time?

I think it sounds like your sister wants him to impregnate her tbh.

Abortion is a “no go” but apparently she’s had 2 abortions in the past? I think she’s hoping to “accidentally” get pregnant. She’s 39 so chances are slim but obviously not impossible. They need to use condoms if they don’t want a baby.

@Unanananana and yet it's been used successfully forever 😬

I am concerned for her because of what happened with her fiance. The truth only recently came out, we knew he put her in hospital but we only recently discovered that he left with thousands of pounds of her money in a joint account. He was very charming in the beginning but also a very coercive man too.

To the PP who mentioned she is going along with it because she feels she can't refuse; yes. My initial reaction was she feared she may lose him if she didn't please him.

She has been in therapy since she was hospitalised so I don't believe she is ready for a baby.

Sounds like your sister is okay with it. Not sure why you're so concerned about somebody else's sex life

Re. your concern about his intentions, she's more at risk from marrying him or being in a relationship with him, than from falling pregnant.

Him getting her pregnant doesn't force her to pay him child support, or let him move in with her. She can still choose to go it alone. Of course he may want contact, which might eventually be 50/50, but he can't insist she support him, let him move in, or anything else.

If she's at risk of being generally coerced by him, then that's a separate issue to her getting pregnant. Try and help her build up her resilience if you can. Has she done the freedom programme?

I'd be more concerned about getting an STI than pregnant when not in a committed relationship.

She is currently living with me and DH since she began therapy, so I do feel quite responsible for her.

I agree, sounds like she wants or at least doesn't mind getting pregnant. Do you have any worries about him? Do you just think he's a gold digger because he's got less money or because there are red flags in his behaviour?

Have they both tested for std's because that would be my primary concern. If this is his preference with your sister then it would have been his preferred method with other women. That's where you venture into HIV & STD territory and potential health issues.

I'd say your sister is in yet another abusive relationship. She should get rid of him.

My SIL and BIL had a similar age gap and she was in a better position career/finances wise when conceived their first child (planned) about 6 months after meeting.

24 years and a second child later they are married and probably the happiest and most mutually supportive couple I know.

Could just be a case of 'when it's right it's right'.

Have you met him? Are there any other reasons for your concerns about him?

There are no red flags other than the fact I think it is highly irresponsible for 2 supposedly intelligent adults to engage in unprotected sex in this form without being in a committed relationship. It just makes me question his motivations. Not sure if relevant, but my sister is very attractive and my complete opposite. She is a slim leggy blonde with curves. In her professional life she owns a makeup brand, so is very good at making herself look good.

Both got tested before they went unprotected.

A lot of men don't like using anything. If she is happy to accept that, and not use any other contraceptive then she must know the risk.

If she doesn't want to get pregant, she should be using some other form

I can certainly understand your concerns given your subsequent posts and it's definitely worth keeping an eye on. Unfortunately I'm not sure what you could do about it though.

Why is it your business?

To me it seems creepy a family member being so involved.

I'd wonder whether he was pressuring her in other ways too.

Would also sit her down and help her think through what getting pregnant with this man might be like.

Your sister needs to do the online programme to help her recognise red flags and abusive behaviour. It looks like she doesn't have strict boundaries & is keen to please subsequent partners.

Online freedom programme

rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-information/violence-against-women-and-international-law/coercive-control-and-the-law/

She’s an adult

she obviously knows the risks.

takes two to make a baby

I haven’t heard the word Pauper for years!!! Centuries really. Lols

yeah right. as if your sister would be talking to you about her sex life and talking about the pull out method

But you said "he has been insisting on no condoms due to lack of sensation/ability to cum when using them and has piled the pressure on."

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