If you have a friend who suddenly became rich (eg marriage or inheritance)

[poorrelative]

AIBU to ask if you, and especially your children, are still close?

I have an old friend (we are friends for 20+ years) who had married a very wealthy man. She seems to be very happy, and although her lifestyle has obviously changed massively, we stayed very close, and it has never been an issue from either side. I have a good professional wage myself, am reasonably comfortable, but will never be "rich". Both me and my friend are of quite humble origins.

Her children (and mine) are now of the age when they are able to start making long lasting friendships (and they do get along great). She let something slip after a couple of drinks that I cannot shake off. Her husband has nothing against our friendship (he's actually very supportive of it, and has been nothing but extremely pleasant to me), but is against the children spending a lot of time together and getting attached to each other. His justification is that they will live in very different worlds and it will be cruel to both sides when they will have to necessarily drift apart later. My friend actually thinks it is nonsense, and was telling me about this as just another complaint about him.

I was upset first, but then thought that there is a grain of truth there. It is very unlikely that their children will ever have to work for living, get a mortgage or see the inside of the public transport. Mine will, in all likelihood, have to go for student loans and live very frugally for years, if not decades, to be able to afford a deposit.

Is it possible for the children to stay close in these circumstances? I know there's absolutely no guarantee that childhood friendships persist in any case, but it looks like the wealth divide will be an additional obstacle.

He’s 30+ years her senior? What initially attracted your friend to this squillionaire?! He’s clearly a lot older. In fact his attitude that his privileged children shouldn’t mix with the lower classes would put his DOB sometime in the 18th century!
He’s being unreasonable (and ridiculous!)

Maybe he's going senile?

depending on the ages of the children I can see his point somewhat.

up to teenagers no problem, but from then onwards it’s a possibility that their lives will go in entirely different directions. I can see this with my DC, Uni degree, move to the city for work, renting flats compared to childhood friend, houses around the world, boats on the med, spending £££ on clothes, bags and cocktails with money they don’t earn and the Instagram photos to show - their lives are very separate now and yiu wouldn’t have thought it when they were younger.

however it’s not for him to make that choice for the child.

I think it would be good for their children to have friends who don't have the same level of wealth.
Also, why would their children never work just because they're rich?

Um, didn't Prince Harry marry a commoner?

lol Megan is hardly Claire who works in tesco 😂

very rich in her own right and famous. The sort who hangs round in society where she would meet a prince.

same as the “commoner” Diana. Just an innocent young girl who worked in a children’s nursery. Who’s brother is an Earl 😂.

I don’t see his point.

In the world of social media it seems every one is on some kind of luxurious holiday permanently. If it’s a jealousy of experience thing then surely if they are that wealthy they pay for plus ones on holidays anyway.

If it’s a growing older and house deposit thing, well that also makes no sense. People drift apart for all kinds of reasons at that age, and if they are good enough friends you hardly begrudge your friend putting down roots.

So yanbu, sounds very odd.

Not many people retain multiple friendships from childhood so there's every chance they will drift in different directions regardless of wealth. Does that mean we shouldn't make friends as children because we're unlikely to be best friends in our fifties?

I have an old friend (we are friends for 20+ years) who had married a very wealthy man. She seems to be very happy,

I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s not as happy as you think she is. He sounds very controlling, and her revelation about his attitude to your dc is probably the tip of the iceberg. A friend of mine managed to hide for years the psychological abuse her husband was subjecting her to. To all intents and purposes she was very well off and happy, but part of his modus operandi was to try and isolate the family by limiting/disapproving of certain close friendships.

So will they go to college where only their sort get in? Have jobs where the recruitment process ensures only their sort are employed?

How will they cope taking to a commoner! 😱

He's an arse of the highest order. Cuz he'd have to be the top of the pile of arses. 😆

Just goes to show, all the money but your friend married beneath her.

This. He probably knows or suspects that she confides in you and complains about him. Stay close for her sake.

Wow what a knob! I’d be incredibly hurt if I were you. I remember years ago, a manager at work, his son and our managing directors son went to the same posh school and the MD was always slightly annoyed about it, as if the managers son wasn’t good enough. Years later the MDs son ended up a bit of a drifter with no real career or ambition whereas the managers son did incredibly well!
I think your Friends husband is either a cheeky snob or has another issue. Remember kids who struggle and work hard for everything are normally more rounded, empathic humans!

by culture do you mean ethnic culture? What i mean is is this a family taught attitude or a "him" attitude or do most people where he was brought up think like this?

It is very unlikely that their children will ever have to work for living, get a mortgage or see the inside of the public transport.

This part of your post made me laugh.

I know some very wealth individuals. In fact some of them I didn't know how wealthy they were until a few years after I met them. I'm also related to some very wealthy people.

They all work for a living - as it is something to do. Though with some of them what they earn from their jobs isn't equal to the lifestyle they lead.

Some of them are entrepreneurs so they get mortgages as it is a way of raising money for their next business or investment.

And as they all live/ have lived in London or have been students in large university towns/cities they have all used public transport. Even the ones who have had drivers don't use their driver all the time.

Oh and they are from a variety of ethnicities.

I think the kids themselves will decide, ultimately, whether they wish to remain friends once they get into the mid-teens and are able to choose which friends to go out and about with, separate and aside from visiting other families with their parents.

I have two sets of friends who, on the face of it, are incredibly similar in terms of income and 'social status' (a horrible phrase, but I couldn't think of another way to phrase it for this purpose). They both have a son and a daughter in the same age bracket and the kids were really great friends until they reached the age of around maybe 15 and were able to stay home alone when the parents visited one another.

As far as I know, none of the kids now keep in regular contact with one another and have very different lifestyles and career aspirations from one another, so their touchpoints and interests are now much more geared towards settling into the world of work and creating networks and friendships more closely aligned to their choices in that respect.

So, on the face of it, in that example, even kids from very similar backgrounds often don't stay friends, so it's not a given that kids from different levels of familial wealth would automatically, either.