Shall I leave DH after he said this?

[Stath]

Today, midst family day out, he looked at me with an evil twinkle in his eye and said he’s decided to say…

( wait for it whilst I do a big sick in the corner)

’PLAT JUB’

🤮😢. The dirty bastard.

To make it worse, our normally lovely friend, added the term ‘platty jubes’.

I’m really considering my life and relationship choices now.

Do you should!!

NO CONTACT/BLOCK/delete all evidence you knew them.

it's the only way!!

😂

Fucking hell. Have you got somewhere safe to go? Please ask a (republican) friend for help.

That’s the twisted thing though: we all can’t stand the royal family!

I think there was a helpline mentioned on Radio 4 after the Archers omnibus t’other week so I’ll give that a ring.

Already packed a ‘go’ bag. It’s only got two pairs of knickers and half a bag of Quavers in at the moment but needs must and all that.

I think you need to contact a Div law immediately!

Of course LTB,
although I didn’t know platy joobs was a thing until I read it on MN yesterday!

This has made me LOL 😂

OP please get your wee ducks in a row and LTB
Take him to the cleaners over this!

Someone said platty jubes on here last night. I thought it was funny!

Trust you to sneak that in!
Coincidentally I called DH a massive div and flounced off to the 2p machines.

In my rage/lamentation of my (as of today) failing marriage I managed to spend £8.34 trying to win a twenty pence key ring that was perched precariously on the pile of coins.

My hands then (for bloody ages) smelt of copper/that weird early pregnancy taste and I still didn’t win the key ring.

Bastard.

Do you have access to his savings?

Because if so, I think you should change it all up into 2ps and blow the lot in the arcade. Grab that keyring and go and live the single life.

Remember you should also be entitled to half his pension, so that Paddington Bear in the claw machine is yours for the taking.

It’s only got two pairs of knickers and half a bag of Quavers in at the moment but needs must and all that

For the Love of God , an open packet of Quavers ? You don;t want cheesy gussets to add to your insurmountable problems , do you ? .

If someone had in actual life said platty joobs to me my vagina would have sealed itself up and I would have needed surgery to make it work ever again. Plat Jub feels less bad but I’d also rather have an aneurism. Rather than leave him can you just bury a him under a patio? Alive?

LTB and go NC 💐

Ha ha ha
my sister and I have been saying Platty Joobs to each other all day 😂

I heard earlier at a party at my friends pub "Oh its ok but I am a bit sick of this whole Plat Jubs thing".

I just dont know where to start with it.

And yes I am just home and a bit squiffed!

My DH has been saying platty jubes all day.

I wish I had a 2p machine to hand I find them very calming

I'm so sorry @Stath but I think it is even more serious than that, I think you need to ring the police and explain that your husband has just assaulted your senses (and I bet it wasn't the first time - you have a big back story to drip feed both us and the police haven't you OP?). The police will send a couple of police officers around to you straight away, they will then 💯% arrest your husband, and not even start questioning him at the police station for 24 hours, so that you can recover from his massive unreasonableness

Then sadly, I think you must ring an ambulance to take you to A & E to give you an emergency MRI scan, to see whether that headache you are just about to tell us about, is actually a migraine, rather than the very similar one you had yesterday due to dehydration, because you hadn't realised that instead of being hydrating, the two bottles of red wine that you had drunk had given you a thumping headache, due to dehydration!

What ever you do OP, please don't take Paracetamol, Migraleve, or a couple of glasses of water, as they might make you feel better before you have had the chance of a 7 hour wait in A and E before even being triaged.

You could decide to be kind to your selfish husband in about 18 hours time OP, by ringing the police station and explaining to them that your husband might have of not actually meant those two words - that I can't actually remember, or understand because I didn't see yesterday's thread where another person said them bring myself to write down - because he had drunk the other 2 bottles of that delish Australian red plonk BEFORE he said them. But you must only let the police know that if you are sure that you want to give your manchild one more chance.

If you are not sure that you can ever forgive him OP, then get the locks changed on your £839,000 detached house straight away, clean out the joint account, and get the rest of all your ducks in a row - not forgetting your soon to be ex husband's yellow plastic toy ducks that are balanced on the edge of your ensuite's copper clawed, roll-top porcelain bath.
Please come back and tell us the next instalment ASAP OP.

I don't care about his stupid shortening.

I do care about 2p machines. If I could have one in my house I would. Rhyl and Brighton sealed my fate as a child.

Jubbly plats surely?

Have my first LTB.

This won’t have been the only time he has done something horrible OP. This stuff doesn’t come out of nowhere. Have a think about past times he has shortened words and you will see the big picture.

Crying 😂
Had to come back this morning for the replies. Brilliant, I'll be chuckling away all day

Well this morning feels like the aftermath of a devastating mid-west hurricane.

Littlest DD spent the night vomming into our knock off Joseph mixing bowls. It might be a bug, the overpriced ice cream she ate or she could’ve caught Lytham Scrofula Noro from the dirty copper coins.

BenFuckingShepherd never sees this drama with his flashy oversized 2p machine (although ITV probably have a mandatory staff inoculation programme).

I think she overheard her father and beloved (virtually) auntie and their dirty ‘plat jub/platty jube’ chat.
It must be delayed trauma. We’re old hats at CAMHS in this house so I’ll ask if there’s any support groups when I next go.

DH tried to pretend everything was normal last night. He washed out sick bowls, cleaned, did the laundry etc. He’s obviously gaslighting me.

He even mentioned the chap he saw on the slot machine bit. He had a plastic Union Jack bowler hat (made of the same material that 1980s Halloween masks were made of that any split in them created a razor like edge) a 10 months pregnant belly and a wife in a wheelchair who he parked facing the wall!!!

For all his sartorial and relationship sins I very much doubt this man said such horrors as my ‘D’H let spill yesterday.

I was LITERALLY shaking last night. Our washing machine has a dodgy foot so you have to lean into it during the last 2 minutes of the spin cycle.
I was also a bit perturbed too.