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AIBU?

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Original poster

Overwhelmed with sister

41 replies

cactusoil · 02/06/2022 22:12

I really need some advice, I feel terrible writing this.

I have a younger sister, I do find her difficult sometimes. She turned up the other day without warning & asked to stay for a few nights, she was really helpful with painting our new house etc so I didn't mind too much.

However, she's called today asking if she can store her belongings at my house while she goes travelling, and to stay with me for 4 weeks before she leaves. (Her landlord is selling the house, so she's quitting her job and going abroad for a year) she also asked for a lift to the train station and to leave her car at mine until she sells it.

She also wants me to fly out for a week to join her for my birthday, leaving DD with my grandpa who has for the last 6 years lived abroad and has only met her twice. I said I'd much rather a quiet spa weekend.

I'm really focused on getting our new house ready at the moment (I moved in 4 weeks ago) there are still no carpets and we are sleeping on mattresses on the floor) so I'm feeling really overwhelmed with all that's being asked of me. She says I really need a holiday and to take a break but I don't want to drop everything to go and get drunk for a week, (i am 6 years older than her) im not really big on birthdays and any spare money is going into decorating the house.

Am I being completely unreasonable to feel this way?

OP posts:
Mol1628 · 02/06/2022 22:13

Just say ‘no that doesn’t work for me’.

Original poster
cactusoil · 02/06/2022 22:14

@Mol1628 to which request though?!

OP posts:
NamechangeFML · 02/06/2022 22:17

No, dont agree to go anywhere on your actual birthday
yes give her a lift
store only what's convenient
tell her itll be a minefield if she stays - maybe do 2 weeks and crash at a friends the other 2?
you dont need to get drunk- make it clear you ll be doing house stuff
If she's usually a thoughtful and or helpful sibling, it would be nice. Shell be away travelling soon enough you might miss her.
tell her your feeling overwhelmed

Testina · 02/06/2022 22:20

Just different personalities.
None of that would be overwhelming to me.


  • staying for 4 weeks - a big ask to have her in your space, but she doesn’t sound like someone who would care about being on a floor mattress

  • storing belongings - if you have a spare room, not a big deal, and if you don’t have space, also not a big deal to just say no

  • leaving car at yours - no big deal at all

  • a lift to the station -would not even reach my overwhelm list!

  • the holiday? I’d just take it as a suggestion - and say no, I can’t afford it. Or maybe, if I can afford it

  • the little known grandfather - she’s not forcing you, just suggesting it


If you feel overwhelmed, I think that’s your personality rather than her requests. The only one that’s actually a biggie is the temporary stay.

Testina · 02/06/2022 22:21

I actually think it’s weird to have even typed out the lift to the station! Unless there’s a dripfeed that it’s a 6 hour round trip?!

SynchroSwimmer · 02/06/2022 22:22

On a practical level, just in my own experience, having stored things for different friends - they never come back and remove it, so you can be lumbered for a long time. What seems like a minor inconvenience to have this stuff initially, soon becomes a burden. It means you can’t use your own space.

Will she do the paperwork to SORN the vehicle - or will the admin be down to you?

You want time to get settled into your new home don’t you? - easy to just say no, it’s the wrong time for you to make a trip….best to be upfront from the start.

Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 02/06/2022 22:23

Say yes to the ones you are comfortable with. I read car as cat and I thought that was a bit much but car on the street isn’t an issue. She sounds like she is happy to be put to work too.

Mol1628 · 02/06/2022 22:31

Well say no to the things that have a long lasting impact.
Car parked at your house, fine assuming that means you can also get parked.
Lift to the station would be fine by me.
Staying at your house, I wouldn’t agree to this because I hate people in my house. But each to their own. You have to work out for yourself where your boundaries are with her

saraclara · 02/06/2022 22:32

The car can't be on the street if it has a SORN though. And even if it could, leaving a car in the street for a year will raise eyebrows with the neighbours and potentially restrict parking for OP and for them.
If I had a one car drive I wouldn't want someone else's car with a SORN on it sitting there for a year while mine's on the road.

Testina · 02/06/2022 22:36

cactusoil · 02/06/2022 22:14

@Mol1628 to which request though?!

I can see you’ve posted before about boundaries around her.
The thing is, you can’t ask someone else “which request?”, because that’s entirely for you to decide.
Think about her requests, and divide them into:


  • want to do

  • happy to do

  • would do it to be kind

  • no


So you might actually want to drive her to the station. Lovely to see her off! Happy to store her things as you have a spare bedroom with no plans. Would not relish having her car parked outside, but it’s not biggie and she’s helped you in the past - fine. Have no desire to holiday with her for your birthday without you child. That’s a no.

Boundaries start with YOU knowing what you’re happy to do.
Next step is telling her.
And next step sticking to it.
Simpler to write than to do, but there’s no magic answer. Boundaries are about knowing what you want, saying it, sticking to it.

Original poster
cactusoil · 02/06/2022 22:44

@Testina because it started off with one thing (staying for a while) then a lot of other things kept being added, and it got to the stage I'm thinking whatever next.

OP posts:
Original poster
cactusoil · 02/06/2022 22:47

@SynchroSwimmer I agree, I ended up storing all my families belongings in a little flat and no one would come and sort it so I ended up having to move it into my new house. I have tons of my families stuff now...

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 02/06/2022 22:49

How much belongings? Is it likely to need more than one room? Can’t she use a storage place? No to the car-she can leave it at a dealership, having already sold it to them, otherwise you’re probably going to piss off the neighbours. Staying for a month-is it definitely only a month or will it drag on? I hate guests, so I’d suggest alternatives.

Cherrysoup · 02/06/2022 22:50

cactusoil · 02/06/2022 22:47

@SynchroSwimmer I agree, I ended up storing all my families belongings in a little flat and no one would come and sort it so I ended up having to move it into my new house. I have tons of my families stuff now...

So give them a deadline! It goes by 2 weeks time or you’re dumping it. Why would you agree to storing their stuff? If you’re moving, you’re also therefore moving their stuff? No way! Tell them to get it before you move, obviously.

Original poster
cactusoil · 02/06/2022 22:53

@Cherrysoup I'm not sure on how much, I did say I'm still living out of boxes and our stuff is everywhere and I don't want more clutter

OP posts:
saraclara · 02/06/2022 22:55

cactusoil · 02/06/2022 22:53

@Cherrysoup I'm not sure on how much, I did say I'm still living out of boxes and our stuff is everywhere and I don't want more clutter

Say no! Don't beat around the bush, just say "No, sorry, but I'm already storing X,Y and Z's stuff and I simply don't have room.

Cherrysoup · 02/06/2022 22:56

saraclara · 02/06/2022 22:55

Say no! Don't beat around the bush, just say "No, sorry, but I'm already storing X,Y and Z's stuff and I simply don't have room.

Show quote history

Exactly! Since when are you the local storage place? Give the family who’ve dumped shit at your place a deadline, a short one, then tell them it’s got to go and you WILL be disposing of it.

Original poster
cactusoil · 02/06/2022 23:05

@Cherrysoup my dad sold the family home and moved abroad, he stored his thing in a secure unit until he couldn't afford to anymore so I said I would look after it but it would need to be moved eventually as I'm planning on moving. 4 years later about 3 months before I moved I asked them to come and take all their stuff. No one did a thing so I've got boxes of ornaments, picture frames, old books, giant trunks, and now I have to store more stuff 😭 she said she's leaving her car here for my dad to use as he is coming to stay for a bit, then she will sell it, but I let my neighbour use my spare parking space in exchange for cutting my grass, she said it's my drive and i need to tell him to park somewhere else 😐

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 02/06/2022 23:12

She doesn’t get to dictate how you use your parking space. If you want your neighbour to use it, then tell your sins, she needs to sell her car before she goes. She’s taking the piss, you realise this? Also, storing your dad’s stuff-why? He needs to let it go, it can’t be so important if he’s moved and left it behind. Stop letting them take advantage of you!

saraclara · 02/06/2022 23:17

cactusoil · 02/06/2022 23:05

@Cherrysoup my dad sold the family home and moved abroad, he stored his thing in a secure unit until he couldn't afford to anymore so I said I would look after it but it would need to be moved eventually as I'm planning on moving. 4 years later about 3 months before I moved I asked them to come and take all their stuff. No one did a thing so I've got boxes of ornaments, picture frames, old books, giant trunks, and now I have to store more stuff 😭 she said she's leaving her car here for my dad to use as he is coming to stay for a bit, then she will sell it, but I let my neighbour use my spare parking space in exchange for cutting my grass, she said it's my drive and i need to tell him to park somewhere else 😐

This is ridiculous. You're letting everyone walk over you.

You need to say no, now. This is YOUR house. Your family do not dictate what you do and what you look after for them.

I could weep for you. You have to say no to her. It's your house and your drive, and your family need to be responsible for their own stuff.

saraclara · 02/06/2022 23:18

and now I have to store more stuff

NO! You do NOT have to store more stuff! Why on earth do you think that way? You have agency. You can say no.

allboysherebutme · 02/06/2022 23:18

Stand up for yourself say no to anything you want to say no to. X

HollowTalk · 02/06/2022 23:24

Your family takes huge advantage of you. I would give them a week to pick up their stuff and if they didn't then I'd chuck it away or send it to the charity shop. It's outrageous that they're expecting you to store things for so long. As far as your sister is concerned I would let her stay for that month and I would take her to the airport or wherever. What I wouldn't do is let her leave her car with you or any of her possessions. It's not expensive to put things in storage, particularly if you shop around. You will never ever get rid of those things otherwise.

Her car would have to be taxed and insured, is she really prepared to do that? Your dad can just hire a car when he needs one. Maybe she could sell the car and use that money for storage?

DinoWoman · 02/06/2022 23:29

Make sure your dad clears out all of his things when he visits. Let him know that anything left is going to charity or the tip.

In terms of your sister's requests, you just need to grow a backbone and say no to any and all of the parts that you don't want to do. You know that. Don't let your sister dump all of your stuff at your house!

Original poster
cactusoil · 02/06/2022 23:31

I think she wants to be able to use the car when she comes back from her first trip, she's only doing one month, coming back for one month, then away for a year, she's planning on selling it just before she leaves for the year.

With regards to storing the items, yes it's ridiculous. But I can't simply turn around and say no you can't bring your stuff here - I've already said yes now. Some of my dads things are stuff his parents owned, so I feel obliged to keep it in the family, especially as it's all we have left after he sold our family home.

He is also coming to stay with me for the month my sister is away, I'm actually really looking forward to that.

OP posts: