Overwhelmed with sister

[cactusoil]

I really need some advice, I feel terrible writing this.

I have a younger sister, I do find her difficult sometimes. She turned up the other day without warning & asked to stay for a few nights, she was really helpful with painting our new house etc so I didn't mind too much.

However, she's called today asking if she can store her belongings at my house while she goes travelling, and to stay with me for 4 weeks before she leaves. (Her landlord is selling the house, so she's quitting her job and going abroad for a year) she also asked for a lift to the train station and to leave her car at mine until she sells it.

She also wants me to fly out for a week to join her for my birthday, leaving DD with my grandpa who has for the last 6 years lived abroad and has only met her twice. I said I'd much rather a quiet spa weekend.

I'm really focused on getting our new house ready at the moment (I moved in 4 weeks ago) there are still no carpets and we are sleeping on mattresses on the floor) so I'm feeling really overwhelmed with all that's being asked of me. She says I really need a holiday and to take a break but I don't want to drop everything to go and get drunk for a week, (i am 6 years older than her) im not really big on birthdays and any spare money is going into decorating the house.

Am I being completely unreasonable to feel this way?

@DinoWoman I will be going through his things with him and agreeing to take some of it to charity, I have way too many books on the First World War.

“Some of my dad’s things are stuff his parents owned”

Sorry to break the news but this is stuff you dad doesn’t care about but feel guilty to bin. That’s how we are lumbered with stuff we don’t like from relatives. Just give all a deadline to pick up what they want before binning. Remember, a grandma’s chair is just a chair, not your grandma.

I do see how why it's beginning to feel too much, you have a lot on your plate with having just moved and having a house to do up. But I think you may just be forgetting that she's younger and excited and you're focused on very different things and in a different phase of your life. Try not to be overwhelmed, just deal with each request as she asks it, bearing in mind what you've promised so far. Say no when it's not something you want to do for her. Say yes if you're happy to. Saying "It's a bit much with everything else, Sis." is also a fine response.

I would be quite against the storing stuff - The car, especially, could become an albatross quite easily. If she hasn't sold it by the time she leaves you will either need to deal with buyers or it will be sitting, slowly deteriorating, on your land - might well not be driveable and then becomes a big inconvenience that will be a major pain to sort out if you need to move it, it starts to leak oil/you want to use that bit of your garden/etc.

With other stuff, if it was little enough that it would go in whatever space I didn't need in the loft/shed/cellar then I'd agree so long as I had it in writing that if she didn't collect it within 14 months I could dispose of it as I see fit. And if I didn't have the storage space to put it out of sight for 14 months and not need to move it (think about any renovations you're planning) I would say no. It is unreasonable for her to expect you to sit looking at her boxed up stuff for a year because she doesn't want to pay for storage, especially if you have kids. People don't come and collect stuff and it becomes a major hassle to deal with when you do need the space/have to move it for some reason, so I'd want something that left me with a way out if she didn't live up to her end of things. I've been bitten by that before and it sounds like you have too.

The rest of it I think is more limited, though a month of staying at your place is a lot, suggesting she splits with other friends/family sounds like a good idea if you want to help a bit but not that much, so help where you want to and don't where you don't want to. And laugh at a suggestion to do something you aren't interested in for your birthday - regardless of who is asking!

Just seen your update about the stuff - unless she's leaving in the next few weeks, you can change your mind. Just tell her you've had more time to think about how things are going to fit into your new place and you've realised that you can't take on more stuff, especially after your experience storing stuff for others. So she'll need to make other arrangements.

She asked her sister for a lift to the station before disappearing off abroad for the year?
Scandalous!!

Just say “no”. To all of it. People who leave stuff NEVER get how annoying it is.

Put the stored items in the car? Your dad could go through the items when he visits.

I tho k you need to go to therapy to talk about your lack of boundaries.

Think*!

Christ. Things like books are not family heirlooms. Tell everyone you have had it for years so going into the skip as clearly no one wants any of it. Give them. Couple of weeks. Telling you to change your parking/lawn mowing arrangements is just entitled rudeness. Just say no ffs. If you can't the. I thing we say will help you

Tell them all that, as they haven't come back to collect it, you are assuming they no longer need it and you will be getting rid of it if they don't make alternative arrangements within the next two weeks.

limit what she can store - I have stored stuff my sister - I box in the loft.
just say no to the holiday - you’d rather work on the house/ can’t afford it etc
will she be staying in the spare room or on the floor? That makes a difference as to how inconvenient it will be for you. You can just limit it or just say no.
you need to stand up for yourself, people will only treat you like a door mat if you let them. Just be polite but firm. If you are nervous of having that conversation write it out beforehand - it helps. Good luck

@Inkyblue123 she will have to sleep on the sofa until I get a bed for the spare room. I'm hoping to do that before she stays as I really don't like people sleeping on the sofa, I bought it especially for the house (second hand ofc)
I may say to her I don't mind you staying a couple of weeks but a month is a lot. It's amazing how one person can increase the wash load, food shop, electric use, etc. she has offered to help towards things so maybe I see how it goes, I could be worrying about nothing as I normally do. I'm just very territorial. I did get angry the other day, she used the downstairs toilet and blocked it (you can imagine) I said your going to have to sort it before you leave, she said she shouldn't have to as the toilet should work. I ended up having to plunge it and deep clean it after she left, it was so gross. It's just small things like that I get annoyed with.

I wouldn't store anything for your sister but I'd offer to help her move it all to a storage unit which she can pay for.

I'd also give your dad a deadline to move his stuff, otherwise it's going to the charity shop. If you can't bring yourself to do that, I'd stick it out in the garden shed if you have one.

But square footage where we live is really expensive and I'm damned if I'm using my limited living-space to store other people's junk rather than for us to live in.

What?!

Just say no - she is already being a pain and it will o to get worse. I assume you don't have a partner as they would surely be saying "No"

Nothing small about that.

It is absolutely disgusting and so disrespectful.

Also I wouldn't be allowing anyone store their stuff in my house.

You need to work on your boundaries.