What do you feel when someone you know tells you they have a date/new prtner/getting married/having a baby?

[AllAloneInThisHouse]

I mean more closer people, friends, family.

I ask because there’s been quite a few announcements recently and honestly, I don’t feel anything.

Should I be worried?

I can’t answer for the OP but yes I don’t feel any emotions about things happening to people I love and am close to. On a theoretical level I am pleased for them and say so but I don’t have an actual swell of emotion in the way I would if something happened to me.

I do(only with a few people though), an "aww that's great !" moment which is also what I reply. But it's literally just a moment, after that it's all boring and old news and can we move on now?

Only with babies it's different,particularly after they're born but that's because I really like babies and baby cuddles so that interaction does make me happy. Still very self centred in reality though.

Actually I tell a lie. I do get very excited if someone I know gets a new pet 😂

Care about? Yes.
I wouldn’t say I love them, but I take that word very seriously and only used the L word for my dog.

And yes, I feel (or lack the feel) for thise things too.
But thise aren’t as ’valued’ things as the one’s I listed, so didn’t add them.

Well, I mean pets are exciting, cute and interesting! 😀

@TedMullins of course!! Pets! I forgot that one. Even better when there are lots of pictures and meet and greets.

I used to feel nothing - then I got engaged and married and realised how happy and exciting it is for the couple so feel emotional and happy for announcers now.

babies I feel very sad and jealous as am TTC.

@AllAloneInThisHouse , I hope you don't take this the wrong way but are you neurotypical?

If we really break it down it seems to come down to priorities and interests. It's hard to muster excitement for something that doesn't float your boat, especially when it's not even happening to you. You seem more willing to "eeek!" about pets,that counts.

I was asking about the other things because I know people who don't care much about babies,relationships,dating because "everyone and their dog can do that" but do get quite excited about a professional or financial achievement.

There might be other people that react the "right" way but feel(or not feel) just like you. There are definitely people who react the "right" way but are actually full of envy and jealousy, some that even try to sabotage the "good" thing which is a million times worse than feeling nothing or "meh" about it all.

I'd only worry if you were unable to be happy/feel things when they are in relation to you.

I am exactly the same.
I congratulate good news and commiserate on bad news but it always feels like it just washes over me I've never been able to understand why people get so emotional over when they care about celebrities dying or getting married but that's a different level Close family friends I feel the same I don't and can't get emotionally involved it's almost like it's not real.

I only ever get upset something directly happens that affect me when my DH died I was heartbroken even then something felt false about it, its hard to explain.

It feels a bit like I'm programmed to feel the emotion rather than I actually feel it but I don't know if that makes sense to anybody

Yeah, I don't really feel it that much, most of the time, unless it's something that affects me personally. I'm "happy" for people, congratulate them, etc., but unless it affects me personally or someone I actually love, it's more of a "that's nice for them" reaction than something I feel on an emotional level, myself. I don't think it's unusual to feel this way.

If they are my friend or family or someone I like at work, I genuinely feel excited for them and always want more detail. I got engaged and married 4 years ago, then bought a house and now have a baby on the way so I guess these life events are all v topical and interesting to me.

However, if it’s a colleague I barely have anything to do with, I feel v little 🤷🏻‍♀️

Oooh now pets ( especially dogs ) that's a different level.
If somebody was told me that just had a baby and would I like to go to the house to see it I would feel obliged to say yes and I probably would enjoy the first 10-minutes of chat about babies but after that I have no interest I don't have a maternal bone in my body.

But if somebody told me they had a new puppy I would be inviting myself around I want to play with it and tell him where all the dog friendly pubs restaurants hotels are from my best local walks help them with any dog walking training and anything else I ( sorry they ) need

I always feel interested in stuff like that in the sense that I love gossip. With first babies I always feel happy for people but sort of sorry for them too because I know that pregnancy and babies can be so hard. Me and DH tend to think about other people’s engagements in terms of how good a night we think their wedding will be! But no, I don’t feel any particular sense of emotional investment in stuff like that on other people’s behalf. I think it’s pretty normal not to feel much about other people’s shit and only really care about your own. If we were all going about having deep feelings about other people’s engagements, weddings and babies we’d never get a thing done until we were at least 50.

I always feel very excited for them. I have an abundance of empathy, though. Which is not always a great thing.

Regarding babies, I feel genuinely thrilled for them because I remember well the excitement that comes with starting or expanding a family. I used to feel deep pangs of jealousy but that stopped once I hit my 40s and the kids got older. I'm on divorce number 2, so marriage and dates leave me stone cold. I wish people well- don't get me wrong- but part of me is like, "You too will one day sit there and think, if I won the lottery, I'd get my skates on... I'd leave him to wank alone into his mismatched smelly sock and I'd bounce!"

same.

hopefully it will happen for us one day… well except the pregnancy thing 😂

Mostly just happy for them but not really bothered, in a benign sort of way. Pregnancy announcements get to me though. I'm 50 so past that stage but I would have loved a third and it all feels a bit unresolved to me and I still get these ridiculous pangs of envy. I find that quite hard.

This

Depends entirely on the situation if those involved. 3rd baby for 45 year old friend after long gap? Immediate thought is husband is having an affair, sticking plaster babies are definitely a thing. Second thought, there goes our social life.
Marriage? Usually a second. Artfully blonded hair, second husband is always a bit of a knob. Some women are unable to be alone for 5 minutes.
I keep my thoughts to myself.

Totally agree. I’ve been really struggling with a friend announcing her pregnancy and have tried to verbalise why. I’ve found it all so irritating; the ‘secret’ stage where she apparently told only a few people, but actually told most of her friendship group but swore each one to secrecy. Then the huge FB announcement with scan photos. Then weeks of her flaking out on any arrangements due to pregnancy issues. Then the FB gender reveal, then the baby shower invitation and frequent updates on arrangements.
I’ve felt like such a bitch but just find it all so self-absorbed and nauseating. This is not their first child. I am struggling to care at all and have withdrawn from the friendship because they are just obsessed with the pregnancy.
I had a MC about a week before I was told ‘confidentially’ about her being pregnant. I just felt numb about it.

Have you ever considered you might be on the spectrum?

Lots of my family are and they just don't get small talk / don't care about who's dating who, don't get emotional about other people's news.

FWIW I was diagnosed with ADHD in my 40s and it was a revelation.

I suggest you maybe have a look at how ASD can present in adult women.

I'm sorry for your loss

Did your friend know you had a MC? Very insensitive of her if so.

I don't 'feel' anything, but would say how happy I was and congratulate them

I think “that’s nice” and then get on with my own day. Because these life events are big to the individuals experiencing them, but not at all important in my own life.

Except pregnancies, I have a quick pang of “awww lovely new baby”, very very quickly followed by “thank fuck it’s not me” 😂 I couldn’t be doing with the pregnancy, feeding, sleep torture again!!

Grandslamfinale I am opposite of you. Have family and happy. However I often feel what if ,had I pursued a career !