What do you feel when someone you know tells you they have a date/new prtner/getting married/having a baby?

[AllAloneInThisHouse]

I mean more closer people, friends, family.

I ask because there’s been quite a few announcements recently and honestly, I don’t feel anything.

Should I be worried?

i am happy for them but I get pangs off jealously - too old to have a baby (my kids are teenaged and one is an adult), I’m not dating, been a single parent throughout, never even lived with anyone.. one friend recently got married in her early 50s and all I could thinks is there could be hope for me.

Prob happy for all those things except for a date- a date is hardly worth mentioning.

I get happy for them and if I can't, I will wish them well.

Generally feel happy for them, if they're happy about whatever it is that's going on in their lives. Def no jealousy here about new partners, babies etc ...... way beyond all that stuff. Good for them.

Happy for them. With pregnancy/new baby I feel happy for them but relieved I’m past that stage of my life.

Depends. Sometimes I'm really happy for them, sometimes feel jealous, sometimes a bit of both.

I don’t actually feel anything. Well, apart from pregnancy/babies - with that I think thank fuck that isn’t me (don’t want kids) but obviously would never say that.

I would of course congratulate them and mean it, and wish them well, but in terms of it eliciting any actual emotion in me? Nope. Same with bad stuff - I would say I’m sorry you’ve been dumped/burgled/your mum died, but it wouldn’t make me feel any emotion. I would offer to listen and talk and help practically (having them to stay, bringing them a meal etc) and be absolutely happy to do that but I wouldn’t feel any emotion.

I only have an emotional response when things happen directly to me. I reckon more people are like that than would admit it.

I feel happy for them. I care about them and celebrate joyful things in their lives.

Whats going on? Is how you feel new? How do you feel about events in your own life? If everything’s gone flat you might be depressed.

I tend to be quite excited…I live fairly vicariously through them as my life is fab but much less exciting!

When you say you feel nothing, can you unpick it a little more for us? Is it actually that you feel a bit of resentment, jealousy, judgement? Or is it more that you are surprised at not being overwhelmed by happiness? But why would you expect to feel that? Why does it concern you that you feel nothing?

I always feel very happy for them but I'm in a fortunate position where we're in the house move, young children, engaged but not yet wedding planning stage where there's lots going on for us and all our friends.

I’m like you OP. I try to say all the right things and show genuine interest (because I do care) but I don’t feel anything in response to their news. Thinking about it now, I don’t tend to feel much of anything except tired!

Nosey.😆

Another one who says all the right things & feels absolutely nothing. I've often wondered if people who do seem to react very emotionally are actually feeling as much as they seem to be or if they are also just acting in the way they think is expected. I think I might be a bit odd though.

I'd be happy for them if they were a close friend, if they were more of an acquaintance I wouldn't give it any thought. In fact if they were a close friend and I was very caught up in busyness I wouldn't give it much thought either.

No one is very interested in anyone else's life, why should they be? - they aren't living it.

You can want your friends to be happy without wanting to engage in the details.

I'm just glad it's not me, couldn't be arsed with dating, never mind babies.

I don't think I really think anything. I would say I was happy for them but in my head I wouldn't be bothered.

No, I don’t feel jelousy or anything ”bad”.
It almost like: ah, thanks for telling me.
That’s about it.

I was just reeding the other thread about announcing pregnancy at a wedding and there was a comment how everyone was so happy for everyone and celebrating all the happiness.

And it just made me think how different I am.

I think I worry because none of the things are on my radar.
I don’t have any of the things I listed, I don’t know if I even want them, probably too late for me now.
But ’everyone else’ has wanted, has, are going after all/most of these things.
And everyone is happy for them.
And I’m just sitting here thinking what the fuck.

@TedMullins and @Strikemepink thank you so much for your comments.
Feels good to know I’m not the only one.

This!

I also feel this way about lot of the conversations that takes place.
I’ve find myself thinking if anyone actually cares what we’re talking about.
(Usually if it’s about someone’s kids (who hasn’t done anything special) or how so and so are dating or whatever.)

I feel genuinely happy, even though it can get boring after a bit. Some branches of the family seem to be at the registry office or the delivery room constantly.

At the same time, I keep wondering if focusing on work was the right decision from such a young age. I'm very successful professionally but I do miss that simpler happiness that can come with a close family relationship, intimacy, children etc. My closest relative is a 3 hour flight away and my best friends are almost a thousand miles from here. It does get lonely, coming back to an empty flat every single bloody evening.

The only reason for a strong emotional response is a particularly emotional situation- eg friend announcing that they are marrying the person who you know is physically abusing them, or there is a concern about the coupling, or for example if your friend announced they were dating your ex, or your ex and father of your dc announces that the have met someone, or friend who has had a particularly tragic or heartbreaking time.announces they are dating, or a friend that has had a tough time.with infertility announces a pregnancy etc etc etc, there are lots of situations where that sort of news might illicit an emotional response but generally it is just news and it won't make a huge emotional difference beyond, oh that's nice.

If something nice happens to someone then i feel happy for them and wish them all the best with whatever it is. It's always nice to hear about happy/good news.

With babies I think "here we go a-bloody-gain...." as yet another person goes through an utterly identical journey and experience to literaly everyone else I know who has become a parent - all the same stages, all the same observations, all the same revelations - but thinks they are the first person in history to experience it.
I know I'll have to deal with 2 years of them saying a lot of boring and patronising crap to me, telling me a lot of information I know more about than they do, until they settle down and get over themselves.
I wouldn't let on to them that I feel this way of course....

Are these people you are actually close to , that you love and care about?

Are you just as "unfeeling " with other happy/good things in their lives like promotions,new house,holidays etc?