I remember working one weekend and it was just unbearable.
It was at the height of winter so the wards were full of bronchiolitic babies.
We have a high dependent unit where we are allowed to take 6 patients, but on that day, things were so bad that we had 10 infants requiring HDU care.
In order to accommodate that it meant taking nurses of the main wards to assist in HDU which meant the wards were dangerously understaffed and HDU was staffed by nurses with no HDU experience.
We had an Agency Nurse on shift and she just walked out half way through the day because it was so awful.
My friend was one of the Sisters in the HDU and I found her sitting on the floor in our managers office and she was crying her eyes out. She was just sobbing. She couldn’t talk, she couldn’t stand, she just had nothing in her. She knew how dangerous things were and she knew she was responsible for what happened to the infants in HDU. All it takes is one small thing to get missed and you go from having a very sick baby to a ventilated one.
The Senior Matron got called in to the hospital because all control was lost. I bumped into her in the corridor and she asked how I was, I felt tears start to well up in my eyes and I said, “Just don’t ask.” She told me to tell her what was wrong and then the tears started falling and I told her that we couldn’t give the children the care we needed, we can’t keep working under this pressure and I shouldn’t have to see my colleagues sobbing on the floor because of how impossible our jobs are.
Ive had many, many horrendous days at work but I will never ever forget that one.
Like you said, these are children’s lives in our hands and the weight of that pressure and responsibility when we are working in such difficult working environments is immense.
I can’t put in to words how hard some days can be.
I once started work at 7.15am, didn’t eat until almost 6pm and then didn’t leave work until gone 11pm. I’d had one meal in 16 hours whilst working in a highly physically and mentally draining job, only to then go home and get up after 5.5 hours sleep to go and do it again.
Anyone who thinks nursing is easy and not stressful are deluded. There are a good few nurses on my ward who take medication for anxiety.
There’s a nursing crisis for a reason.
I work as a Specialist Nurse and when I actually got told about the upcoming role (my managers knew I would want to interview for it) I had actually gone in to work to hand my notice in. They told me to just stay until I had my interview, so I did and I got the job.
If I hadn’t have gotten the job I would have left because the stress and pressures that nurses are under now just isn’t sustainable.