Who's being unreasonable me or DH?

[BaBun]

Regarding contraception.

One child together, husband wants no more, I probably would have another if he were on board but not desperately bothered by having one.

I have said I'm absolutely done with being responsible for contraception. I'm sick of adding hormones to my body which are not side effect free or having doctors sticking things in me. I've done the pill, the implant, the injection, I do not want a coil. I just don't want anything else in me, physically or hormonally. Since our child I've had nothing and I feel so much better about it.

Told DH he should get the snip for two reasons really.

1. I've been responsible for contraception up until now, why should he not be?

1. He's the one who's dead against another child. (He really doesn't want another one, there is no way he'll change his mind so it's not a case of holding off because he's not sure).

He thinks I'm being unreasonable because all I have to do is 'take a pill' whereas he has to have a procedure and he doesn't want to. No other reason than he just doesn't want a procedure done. He doesn't like condoms so whilst we'll use them he doesn't want them to be a long term option if possible.

Who's being unreasonable? I want to keep leaving it at his door whereas he wants me to just give in and 'just take a pill'.

YANBU - he should get the snip.

YABU - you should sort it.

I clicked on YABU by mistake. You are definitely not being unreasonable!

You can absolutely make the decision for your body to not put hormones in it - your body, your choice and you tell him

He can then make his decision to get the snip, use condoms or abstain - his body, his choice

YANBU he's equally as responsible for avoiding a pregnancy if he doesn't want more children why should this only rest in you too be responsible

I have a Mirena coil and have absolutely zero issues with it. In my case I would say that it is probably reasonable for him to expect me to take the responsibility vs him having an actual physical procedure.

However given what you've said about contraception not suiting you, then the onus should be on him, particularly as he's the one so dead set against having more DC.

Or do you think he's maybe leaving the door open to having a second DC by avoiding the snip?

Here you go. It's actually a 10% increase in prostate cancer overall and 20% increase in high-grade or lethal prostate cancer.

"Vasectomy was associated with a small increased risk of prostate cancer overall (RR, 1.10; 95% CI, 1.04 to 1.17). Risk was elevated for high-grade (Gleason score 8 to 10; RR, 1.22; 95% CI, 1.03 to 1.45) and lethal disease (death or distant metastasis; RR, 1.19; 95% CI, 1.00 to 1.43)."

pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25002716/

OP we are in a similar position but my DH keeps promising to go about it and saying he is going to get it and then moans about the cost 🙄 I remind him how much more expensive another baby would be. Our s*x life has seriously dwindled over it

And he knows this, right?

Have you been really clear that it's not "just taking a pill", it has X Y Z effects on you?

He's being unreasonable anyway but if he knows this then he's being a total arsehole.

Sorry meant to quote where you said you had side effects!

Nicely summarised

when he complained about condoms I wouldnt just say get the snip then, I’d say every time you whine about the condoms you are choosing us to use they get a little less sexy. And one day I won’t be able to look at a condom without picturing you whining that you don’t want to get the snip and all the effort should be made by me to achieve your goals because why would you have to contribute??? You’ll get the condom out and my libido will shut down as whine whine whine fills my head. Except for your whining I’m quite happy to use condoms but if you ruin them for me we are either ttc or abstaining, your call.

and then you can start to Google if you can you buy cyanide in pill form? Offer him one- it’s just a pill and we all know those are harmless.

Personally I don’t think either of you are BU.

I can’t take contraception due to the impact is has on my, the side effects are awful.
After our first child we relied on condoms as we both wanted another child later on, but the contraception failed and we had our second much sooner than expected.

After our second we looked into more permanent options, surgery was ruled out for me immediately as it has a much higher risk of complications compared to him having surgery but it still wasn’t risk free.

If he doesn’t want to go through with the surgery then you are both going to have to rely on condoms.

Study now been superseded and no longer accepted as the reality. Small numbers, flawed study....