Do you think that £60 maintenance per week is adequate

[nelittled]

To pay RP. Spends eow with MRP and some evenings per week and a few weeks holidays per year.
Not in UK and child has mild SN.
RP In receipt of approx £280 per month for sn support, a grant of £1600 per year, approx £190 per week as carers payment , free medical card and contributions to electric/ fuel. Free tv licence, housed by council, free breakfast club, book rental and wraparound care and free transport.

Child is mostly independent and attends mainstream school full time .
No private therapies to pay for as none needed.

Dont forget the RP will be organising and sorting a lot of the behind the scenes stuff, organising and attending dr appointments, school issues, reduced opportinities for full time employment

That's completely irrelevant to maintenance. You don't get paid for looking after your child.

All your earning about 21k @nelittled ?@nelittled ? Ultimately if you're paying 20% of a low income to your ex then there isn't much else you can do except have your child more to reduce Mom's costs

If the carers payment is £190 per week, is the cost of living quite high? It's really hard to give a view without knowing which society you're talking about OP. £60 buys wildly different stuff in different countries.

You probably are going to find things very tight if you're a low earner yourself and have at least 3 DC though.

If there is a disagreement between you, then take it up with whatever the country your ins version of CSM is. Then you both have the minimum amount, and can go from there.

Maintenance is not a top up. It's not 'use all the money she has first then pay on as much as is needed after that to keep the kid alive.'

Maintenance is to cover 50% of the child's costs. Ideally. Sadly most often not the case but it should be as much as the nrp can afford not as little as they can get away with.

They should want to provide equally for their child. They love them, surely to God?

Thanks. I am determined to ensure that my kids are well provided for.
£60 as 50% of my child's weekly expenses is more than adequate for the outgoings. There is no mortgage, electric c, fuel or transport costs not is there medical , dental, education or childcare costs .
As per original post , my child has wraparound care , free medical and education costs , heavily subsidised activity , free transport and financial supports on top of the maintenance.
I don't see it as a top up.
My ex does not want to work and hasn't worked since before pregnancy.
The excuse now is that there needs to be an adult available at all times for our child but our child is in full time mainstream education and has wraparound care and transport, aswell as holiday club and shared care during holidays.
Whatever I offer is never enough.
My ex receives the value of £509 per week in state supports based on our child's diagnosis and child benefit and while maintenance isn't a tip up, it's. Its not enough for her .
I am a low earner and want to see our child right but where do I draw the line.

It doesn’t sound like very much to me personally but then a close friend of mine receives less than this for three children who never stay with the NRP so it’s better than some people receive. I think NRP’s should want to send as much as they possibly can do their children don’t struggle or suffer in any way personally.

This is an odd thread - what exactly are you trying to get out of it?
You've said what you're paying, that you think its plenty and that you can't afford any more.
What's there to ask?

I'm
Asking if I'm
Being unreasonable . If this is enough

If you are a low earner, and that’s the best you can do and is 20% of your income, then that’s all you can do, other than skill up and job search.

The excuse now is that there needs to be an adult available at all times for our child but our child is in full time mainstream education and has wraparound care and transport
That is necessary with a child with SEN though. Ive a couple of friends who are both married and cannot work due to the SEN needs of their children. One was frustrated she couldn't even hold down a volunteer job at a food bank because she wasn't reliable due to phone calls from school asking for a child to be collected, or for the seemingly endless meetings with different agencies.

how many children do you have?

If you can’t afford to pay more at the same time as maintaining yourself and providing a home suitable for your child to stay with you in, then that’s that. You can’t afford it and your ex can’t take, or expect to take what you don’t have.

It doesn’t sound like you and the ex will ever agree on what’s the right amount, especially if the ex doesn’t want to work so there’s no point trying to convince her that you’re providing enough because she will never agree.

If you know you’re paying an adequate amount and that your child is provided for sufficiently, then just focus on that.

asking if the amount of money you provide for your child is enough is one thing.

stating to the penny the amount the child’s primary carer gets from other sources is quite another.

you mentioned evenings during the week. Do you mean over nights? And you do the school run to on those days?

how much of the actual parenting do you do? If you’re also sharing the parental load and doing doctors appointments, you know when these appointments are, have a hand in arranging them, attend them, know what care-plan they are on, take them to the hairdressers, dentists, shopping with them for clothes, buying school supplies etc etc and dont have to be told when these things should happen, then that might improve your relationship with your ex. If she feels like she does all the parenting and holds the whole parental load, and you just think you pay too much, then she will get annoyed.

Not to mention putting money away for school trips, higher education, holidays, driving lessons etc

Dont forget the RP will be organising and sorting a lot of the behind the scenes stuff, organising and attending dr appointments, school issues, reduced opportinities for full time employment

Rubbish. That's not exclusive to the 'RP'. My DH's ex is classed as RP as she has them 60% of the time. The other 40% of the time they are with us. If they need to go to the drs or there are issues at school who do you think sorts that? We don't send the DC back for her to deal with it. If it falls on our time, we sort it. If they need childcare when sick or during school holidays and it's in our 40% of the time, we also cover that so the full-time employment thing also applies to us. We still do 40% of the school runs. Being RP doesn't make you solely responsible.

Not to mention putting money away for school trips, higher education, holidays, driving lessons etc

But NRP also do that. Such sweeping generalisations.

My ex pays a grand total of £25 a week and loves to tell me it's more then the cms calculator. If £60 is what you genuinely can afford I think it's enough. Can't take what's not there.

Not to mention putting money away for school trips, higher education, holidays, driving lessons etc

A NRP doesn’t need give money to their ex to save up for their own child’s higher education or driving lessons and they can take their children on their own holidays. They have no obligation to contribute to holidays the ex takes with the child.

Why would you assume that saving for the child’s future is something that can only be done by the RP?

Based on what you have told us, I don’t think you are being unreasonable with regard to your financial contribution.

You mention your child having wraparound care - do you mean before and after school care that could enable your ex to work and which would cover emergencies? I will say here as the mother of a DD with ‘mild’ SEN that I find it very difficult to enroll her in any kind of wraparound care (as she needs a lot of attention and therefore effectively 1:1 support) and this is why I haven’t and am not able to work. I’m sure other people think I am really lazy now that she is in full time school but I am literally the only person who can drop and pick her up from school - husband works full time and we have zero family support - and it is very difficult to find working hours to suit our circumstances.

I ask re the above as you sound very critical of your ex’s choices and lifestyle and this won’t be helping your coparenting relationship going forward. It may be justified but it may not, remember there is an awful lot to contend with behind the scenes when you have a child with any type of SEN which may not be obvious to others. My husband doesn’t have a clue just how much I have to organise/keep on top of and like your child my DD’s additional needs are relatively mild.

Your ex's situation is not relevant in this at all. The legal minimum is on the csa calculator. Stop listing what she gets for your child and step up.

So essentially your ex does the majority of the day-to-day parenting and you think £3,120 per year is more than enough to discharge your financial responsibility to your child?

Hardly qualifies you for father of the year, does it? But then society has a low bar for fathers so many people will tell you this is fine.

I'm assuming that if your ex gets a full-time job as you seem to think she should, you will be fully supportive of her by helping with sick/inset days and holiday and afterschool childcare?

You sound critical of your ex partner's choices but you've had more children knowing you are on a very low wage and are now complaining about paying for the one you don't live with?
We put aside £200 a month for spending for DS this is sometimes the odd treat or day out (we pay for the big things but his allowance covers aquarium pass, local farm etc) but it's mainly, shoes, clothes, swimming lessons, other things he needs, that doesn't include his share of food, bills, mortgage which just come out of our normal joint account nor does it cover childcare. Some months that money is spent, some months it rolls over and we can put any extra towards birthday/Christmas. So it doesn't seem a huge amount to me. We choose to have one child so we can afford to give him the lifestyle we would want floor our family, you've chosen to have multiple children you need to pay for them.

It is relevant because if the state is already providing certain things for a child, then neither parent needs to, resident or not.

The RP doesn’t need money twice to pay for the same thing once.

And the CMS calculator only applies to people in the UK, which the OP clearly stated he isn’t.

You mention your child having wraparound care - do you mean before and after school care that could enable your ex to work and which would cover emergencies? I will say here as the mother of a DD with ‘mild’ SEN that I find it very difficult to enroll her in any kind of wraparound care (as she needs a lot of attention and therefore effectively 1:1 support) and this is why I haven’t and am not able to work.

Likewise. One of mine has what OP would probably characterise as mild SEN. They'd struggle with wraparound because it would be overwhelming after a full school day: could be done if necessary, but would be detrimental to their welfare. Part of the reason they'd come off as mild SEN is because we run our lives in the way most conducive to that. There is a financial cost to this.

I do work, as does DH. We are in an extended family and both have flexible jobs, so it's doable. But it pretty easily could be a problem, and that's with a child whose needs wouldn't qualify us for any dedicated benefits.

That's your situation though. My ex husband has DS 2 or 3 nights a month and does fuck all to do with doctor appointments, school appointments, trips, etc. I do it ALL.

No, £120pw is not enough to raise a child. Your £60pw is definitely not enough.
The income of the rp has no bearing on the what the nrp should pay.
are you saying that because the rp has, in your opinion, enough income from other sources, that you shouldn’t have to financially contribute to the upbringing of your child?

aren’t you a prince!