To be severely worried for my two-year-old son

[tiredstressedanddepressed]

NC for this.

My DS, 2, has started head butting and hitting himself. He’s 2 years and 2 months and he does not yet have any words, he isn’t great with communication, he doesn’t listen, and I believe the head butting is out of frustration.

It started about three weeks ago very randomly, but we’ve always been able to step in to stop him and explain to him why we do not do that (which I am not sure whether he is taking in or not).

Last week while he was at my mum’s for the night, the following morning he started violently head butting the floor and my mum finally got him to stop and cuddled him for 45 minutes whilst waiting for us to get there at 7am. His head was black and blue and he was bleeding. There was no trigger and he normally loves spending time with my mum.

I got him checked over by the GP and called my health visitor but to be honest they have been useless, don’t know why he’s doing it and have told me to consider getting him a helmet. He has hit himself to the point of a nosebleed, and every time he is upset or frustrated he head butts the floor, the door, me, his dad, anything he can. He also smacks himself in the head over and over.

I have done everything I possibly can - he’s been referred to a paediatrician, he’s been referred for a hearing test, he’s been referred for speech and language therapy, he has been referred to a group for toddlers who can’t talk yet, I call the nursery every time he’s there to check on him, I don’t leave the room or I take him with me so that he’s not on his own, he’s been referred for a PORTAGE worker to help him at nursery. He has been referred for an autism assessment. I am so sad for him and so scared because it’s so overwhelming. I’m trying to get him as much help as is possible.

He didn’t do well at his two year check and basically scored negatively in every aspect of communication. We do so much with him and pay him so much attention and do fun things like drawing and reading, fun afternoons at farms and soft plays, play dates with his best friend, I point to my lips when I talk to try to get him to echo me, I try to do exercises with him to get him to copy me but I get nothing. We had a break through the other day when he started copying me building bricks but it was short lived.

He throws EVERYTHING he can get his hands on and doesn’t listen when we go to stop him.

He is so bright though, and he has learned to communicate with me in other ways such as by leading me to everything he wants to do, pointing to what he wants, taking my hand and taking me to things he wants, he CAN communicate, he just desperately wants to talk and I do too.

The nursery has even told me that when he is sad or happy he points to the mood chart to tell them
what emotion he is feeling.

I’m not sleeping properly and I feel constantly on edge. On top of this I am dealing with chronic health issues, am awaiting surgery (terrified of being in hospital without him), and am the sole earner.

I am so overwhelmed and stressed, which is an understatement. I’m putting on a brave face but inside I am crumbling and feel so scared.

I wasn’t sure whether to post this but I really need a hand hold. Seeing my child repeatedly hurt himself has been so awful and I’m constantly on edge for when he’s going to do it next so I can intervene.

I’m getting barely any support beyond the referrals, I have nobody to talk to, the nursery are great but they only have him for 6 hours per week (two short afternoons).

He also has massive sensory issues with food and has gone from eating everything to being very fussy over the last six months, which is why the nursery won’t have him in at lunch times because he has a complete and utter meltdown. Dinner times have become so hard.

We are a calm household, a loving household and I love my DS so much and we have such a special bond. He is a very caring and affectionate boy and plays alongside other children very nicely. Besides the communication side and eating he is thriving and I believe he is very intelligent.

I believe he might have autism/ADHD and although he’s been referred I’ve been told it’s unlikely they’ll diagnose a 2 year old.

But at the moment this is hard, I am scared, I feel numb and I just need a hand hold.

My son does this too. One thing we found helped was a yoga ball for him to bang his head on. You can also buy weighted caps that might help. He may be under sensitive to sensory input so he is seeking more input by head banging. It is worth asking for a referral to occupational therapy as they can help you to understand his needs.

Oh this sounds very difficult for you and I know it must be scary for you watching your child harm himself. Have you considered getting him a helmet even just for when you need to leave the room? Also if he is gesturing to you and leading you to the things he needs have you tried PECS? it's a method of communication where he would hand you a card with e.g. a jigsaw on it and in return you would give him a jigsaw to play with? They are great for helping with communication! Similarly if autism is suspected does he have sensory needs that are unmet? Some children like to bounce, some like to spin, some need quiet spaces. If you can figure out what calms him and what upsets him you will be halfway there in regards to knowing what to try and avoid. He sounds like a lovely boy who is struggling. Can he do more sessions at nursery? Is there a referral already in for paediatrics? You are doing a great job & he sounds like he is thriving despite his difficulties.

Also, did you take him to A&E after the head banging? I wonder if his communication isn't great yet if he maybe had a headache or something & was trying to stop it. Just as an alternative suggestion.

Bless you OP. I don't have experience with autism but my daughter is deaf and her behaviour can be very challenging.

Have you looked up support groups? Talking to othet parents who understand is a life saver for me...quite literally

Oh and yes more sessions at nursery might be beneficial

Thank you for all of your suggestions. I will definitely try out the yoga ball technique. Yes and we were told if it was a headache it would be more persistent with no breaks in between. They mainly checked him for signs of bruising and concussion.

@moita I am wondering whether my son has hearing difficulties and can’t wait for him to have a hearing test to check. I’m not sure what type of support group I would look for?

We’re currently on a waiting list for more sessions at nursery, they don’t have any more days available until July!

We’ve also found that sticking to a routine as much as possible helps, so he can predict what will happen next. PECS could be a really good method of communication for him while he is pre verbal - if he can point at pictures to show how he’s feeling he must have pretty good receptive language and would probably be able pick it up. My son is autistic and still non verbal at almost 5 but is an absolute delight. I’m not suggesting your boy is autistic but it isn’t a disaster if he is. You learn to adapt.

Also consider starting to use makaton alongside speech to help him to communicate

makaton.org/TMC/AboutMakaton.aspx

This sounds so stressful. Obviously can't diagnose from MN but it does sound like be is Autistic. Incidentally my son was diagnosed at 2 so that's rubbish.

He sounds very sensory seeking so I would focus on trying to show him safe ways to express that, think about what he is trying to achieve. Sometimes I don't think my son experiences pain in the same way, he slaps the walls constantly and it must hurt. Try to redirect constsntly. Loads of praise when he expresses in a "safe way". Lots of sensory play and give him.time to decompress as often as you can.

I have no experience or advice to offer but just wanted to say what an amazing, attentive and intuitive mum you are! He's gonna be fine with you by his side.
Good luck x

Have you tried sign language? If he has Control of his hands to throw things it may well be a winner. Lots of videos for makaton and BSL on youtube and Something special on Cbeebies. Start with the basics, eat, sleep, drink and home and then build from there. If its linked to communication and frustration this might help alot.

You are obviously doing everything you can to get support for him.

Just re reading your post, you sound a lovely mum but this might be waaay too much for him. When we have really busy days with lots going on (and that could just be soft play, zoo etc) my son has meltdown a day later, delayed response. I think you might need to plan less with him. I know it might feel like you're not doing enough and you're worried because he is behind but it might be stressful for him to be doing so much. You have to accept a much slower pace with little lads like ours x

I've been there, dd was just like you describe. The good news is she learned to talk, to sing and is currently training in opera ... she is autistic though. Please get all the professional help you can, early is best. Dd was diagnosed at 2.5. She had intensive aba therapy (USA) and I personally think it really helped though it's hard to say. We also used American Sign Language (makaton would work in the U.K.) and pecs which were manual then but can be on a tablet now to help with communication. She "got" speech around 3.5 but really didn't talk much until older - she's still one for only talking when needed but get her on a pet subject and you can't shut her up!

Please try not to worry too much whilst setting everything in motion. It is odd looking back, realising your child isn't "normal" is so tough but hang in there and pop over to the special needs boards g do or specific help

what an amazing, attentive and intuitive mum you are! He's gonna be fine with you by his side

So much this.
It does sound from what you've described that it could potentially be ASD. I'm currently going through an assessment process right now for my DS so it's all new and foreign to me too. I know how overwhelming it all feels right now.
But the one thing all the professionals in engaging with right now keep impressing on me is how important early intervention is, and how children with engaged and responsive parents have the best outcomes.
He really will do the very best he can with you by his side.

Have you considered sign language? You can talk at the same time but basic sign might help him with the frustration.

With the speech I would narrate everything you are doing but also what he is doing. Eg your playing with the blue car. Woiw it's going so fast. Or mumm is going to the fridge to get apples. Look what a lovey red apple.

It sounds like you are doing well at fighting his corner and getting him support.

It might be worth having a calm area where he can go if he wants quiet time like a tent or something.

Does he like bouncing on a trampoline?

I would recommend asking for a referral to Occupational Therapy and in the mean time I would suggest reaching out to Vicky Robinson Consultant Occupational Therapist on Facebook. She is a Children's OT specialising in Sensory Difficulties. She may be able to help suggest some strategies. I do hope you get some answers/help.

That sounds really stressful. Trying to find other types of sensory input that he enjoys might help stop the head banging. For example a rope swing could be good if you have anywhere to put one? We have a teeter popper - works on a hard floor, you can find it online. Pushing or pulling a trolley or pushchair might be good too.

Water play can also be very calming, do you have a water tray?

I'd suggest having a look at your local authority's "local offer" - there should be a list of support groups, hopefully you can find something near you? Talking to other people who get it really makes a difference.

Oh what a very difficult situation, I wish you all the best in the world.

I had this with my eldest child and I found it so hard to manage.

I was told 'they'll stop if it hurts' but I'm not sure I thought it was true.

It did improve as they got older and did them no harm (at Uni now)

Things that helped - swinging, bouncing on mini trampoline, popping bubbles (when older blowing bubbles helped calm both of us).

It's hard to watch but the front of the skull is very thick.

Try cranial osteopathy. It stopped my friend's toddler banging his head on walls.

Sounds very much like he has hearing problems to me, you mention a few times that he doesn't listen. Did he ever babble or say anything at all?

my son (5) is profoundly deaf. He banged his head a bit and and ground his teeth before he got his cochlear implants. It took a few years before his speech and understanding caught up to the level of his peers and during those years he did get frustrated a lot and it was challenging at times. Not his fault, he's a lovely boy, a really super child but you'd have meltdowns yourself if you couldn't communicate your thoughts especially at that age. It's totally normal amongst deaf children to struggle with emotions particularly frustration.

There was some sensory stuff mixed up with the hearing loss, kind of inevitable I guess since hearing is one of the senses. That seems to have been outgrown too for the most part.

The referrals will shed some light for you and you'll get answers OP. It seems scary now but once you know what you're dealing with it all becomes a lot easier because you should get support and therapy/aids/medication to make life easier for both of you.

When you say he has had referrals to all kinds of assistance, doctors, therapies does that mean he has actually been to these appointments? If not, I would try to get him as much help as is offered and try not to be as upset until someone tells you that you need to be (although it does sound dreadful. I'm sorry its so hard).