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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go on a day out where I wanted to go?

31 replies

Arsewangry · 31/05/2022 19:11

'D'H and I are currently having a disagreement, and I'm prepared to be flamed, but I'd like to know which of us is right and which of us is being unreasonable. It went along the lines of:

Me: DH, I'm going to take the children to on Thursday, would you like to come or will you be working on

DH: yes ok I will come with you.

Me: great, I will book us tickets (I then go ahead and proceed with booking tickets there and then whilst I remember)

15 minutes later when DH sits down

Me: I've booked tickets now to

DH: you've booked tickets? Why have you done that? Why does it have to be there? Why didn't you discuss it with me first? Why does it have to be where you want to go? Why can't we go somewhere else?

So am I being unreasonable in booking tickets after he agreed that he would like to go, (which incidentally are non-refundable) OR is he a PITA for not raising that he would like to discuss an alternative day out before agreeing he would like to go?

OP posts:
NewWateringCan · 31/05/2022 19:15

He is a PITA! You did nothing wrong. He is being odd.

thistimelastweek · 31/05/2022 19:21

The destination was decided. He was given a clear choice. Come or don't. That's not the same as a family day out being jointly planned in advance.

He's being unreasonable.

Original poster
Arsewangry · 31/05/2022 19:21

I think so too, but I'm prepared to be told I'm wrong, (I'm ridiculously impulsive and waiting assessment for ADHD - but I'm working on it - hence asking him before I booked). I would have expected him to propose an alternative at the point that he agreed to come rather than after the fact.

OP posts:
Original poster
Arsewangry · 31/05/2022 19:23

He's now in a mood because the destination "isn't very good" and it's a bit expensive. I might take to my bed with headache.

OP posts:
SunshineLollipopsAndRainbows · 31/05/2022 19:32

Oh this makes me angry on your behalf OP! DH used to do similar & basically he wasn’t really listening when I was suggesting something & then turned it onto me. It’s shit! Has your DH got form for this?

SunshineLollipopsAndRainbows · 31/05/2022 19:34

Oh & don’t go to bed - tell him how unreasonable he’s being. If he wanted to go somewhere else he should have said!

WTF475878237NC · 31/05/2022 19:34

I'm with you. He said he'd like to come when you invited him on a specific day out!

Original poster
Arsewangry · 31/05/2022 19:38

He has form for being very indecisive and I'm very impulsive, generally we balance each other out but sometimes we do end up butting heads like this. He says there was no need to book it this evening it wouldn't have sold out, but I know from previous experience that when we have dillydallied waiting for him to decide what he wants to do, that is exactly what has happened so...

OP posts:
ChessieFL · 31/05/2022 19:45

YANBU. You told him where you wanted to go and he agreed. If he didn’t want to go there that was his opportunity to say so. Nothing wrong at all with booking tickets immediately while it’s in your head!

HairyScaryMonster · 31/05/2022 19:46

Why does where he wants to go trump where you want to go? You did the thinking, you get to book it.

BendingSpoons · 31/05/2022 19:58

I think it depends how the conversation went. I often have vague conversations with DH where I suggest something and he sort of agrees. The plans don't always happen. I make sure I explicitly tell him if I'm going to book 'so you are happy for me to book 4 tickets for the zoo on Friday then?'. If you did something similar YANBU. If he was half distracted and mentioned booking tickets but he didn't really process it, then that's a bit different. Although if he has form for being indecisive, I can understand your desire to just book!

Original poster
Arsewangry · 31/05/2022 20:06

Yeah I didn't specifically say at the time I invited him "ok you're happy for me to book tickets" but because he said he would like to go, I went ahead and booked the tickets.

OP posts:
Onemoresleeptogonow · 31/05/2022 20:07

Just uninvited him. Bet you have a better time.

Mally100 · 31/05/2022 20:08

Yanbu you literally asked him and booked after that. If he didn't want to go then he had the opportunity to say so. Leave him behind if he's going to complain and spoil the mood for everyone.

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 31/05/2022 20:10

He’s a pain in the arse. Bloody men!!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 31/05/2022 20:11

Oh he sounds like my exh!

Wanting to keep options open, change plans that are already made, or say he’s coming but reserve the right to not come at last minute or suggest something else last minute

YANBU OP. It was “doing you want to come?” not “do you want to put your oar in and fuck about with the plans”

AssignedSlytherinAtBirth · 31/05/2022 20:20

Ah yes, "keeping options open." Aka not making your bloody mind up, and when you finally do, it's fully booked. The story of my life with DH and drives me nuts!

itsgettingweird · 31/05/2022 20:22

You asked if he wanted to go to X place.

He said he wanted to go to X place.

You said you'd book.

Why the feck would he think anything else other than that's where you'll be going?! 🤦‍♀️

Onwards22 · 31/05/2022 20:42

YANBU

If he doesn’t like the destination then tell him to think of somewhere he wants to go and you’ll all do that on a different day.

Mrsjayy · 31/05/2022 20:45

He wasn't listening/paying attention/agreed to shut you up , he's a twat . You asked he said yes so you are going if he wants to stay home let him.

FayeFife · 31/05/2022 20:46

Yanbu. Why does he want the option of changing your day out? You said you wanted to go to x, invited him along…it’s a yes or no invitation.

Mrsjayy · 31/05/2022 20:49

You didn't do anything wrong, nothing he is causing a fuss about it probably to cause a fight so he doesn't need to go or you are the bad guy don't buy into it.

Original poster
Arsewangry · 31/05/2022 20:51

Well, I was more than half expecting to have my arse handed to me - so thanks you lovely lot. I've retired to bed with a koppaberg and my kindle whilst he sulks in front of the telly.

OP posts:
Lucysskydiamonds · 31/05/2022 21:00

Similar infuriating situation with dh yesterday. I was out and got a message about a class activity for ds (not an official school thing, at a weekend) and messaged dh to ask of he knew of any conflicts and if he wanted to join in. He replied no conflicts but didn't mention coming so luckily I waited. When I got home and said I'd book, he got in a big flap about something he amd dd have to do that morning and why would I book it. Numpty.

catscatscurrantscurrants · 31/05/2022 21:25

ExH did this - every time we were going somewhere. He was so indecisive it drove me half demented. It's just one reason that I am glad he's exH.