I had a weird conversation a couple of days ago.
Let me preface this by saying it really helps me writing this out on here as it gives me a bit of insight and helps me remember stuff, I have struggled with minimizing feelings and conversations in my head in the past and it really helps when I can categorize/ name something.
Will try to keep a long story short, my DP(arents) struggle with alcohol, especially my DF - I would say functioning is the best way to describe it but only because they are self-employed/own their own business hence have almost no one to answer to day to day.
They have managed to cause quite a bit of damage around them over the years and as a result I am LC with them and have been for quite a while and as of the past few months my DBro has gone NC after living with them for years after I moved out.
Recently DF called me drunk (whilst at work in their office where clients come in any time) and seemed upset, he kept asking me if I could shine a light on why my DB has gone NC with them as he really doesn't know what he can do to make it right. As gently as I could I said that alcohol was the main reason and that there is no ''one specific event'' just a lot of history over the years. When asked for an example I gave one from a couple of years ago of that I know happened to which he got defensive over ''bringing up the past''. Then got super upset/in tears saying that by the sounds of it he never did anything right.
I had to go and then he called me again an hour or so later, DM was then also on the call and he asked me to repeat what I said then they both proceeded to go on a tirade to which the gist of was that they do not think his reasons are reason enough and that DM/DF had it worse when growing up 'insert copious examples and comparisons here' and yet they never did that to their parents. DM said they always walked on eggshells around DB and he expected the world to fall at his feet and they don't understand how he could be treating them this way. Most of the talking was done by my DM who was getting super worked up and emotional over the way he's been treating them - an example of which was they posted a card with a voucher through his door for his birthday (after he has told them multiple times he wants nothing from them) and he proceeded to drop the voucher back off in their office without as much as a word and leave. The reason he dropped it off at the office was because it is on his way to work but of course in DMs head it was spite. They also said lots of stuff about how difficult it was living with DB like it had anything to do with it (of course they do not recognize that the hostility was caused by their behavior). It was all very ''you did xyz'' - ''well he did 'insert unrelated thing that happened at a completely different time''.
I ended up cutting the call short after fruitlessly trying to explain that just because their boundaries are different that does not nullify his.
So basically they called to ask ''tell us what went wrong for this to happen'' and then got defensive when actually being told what they did, proceeded to minimize and not accept the reasons given as they deemed them ''not bad enough'', got annoyed about bringing up the past yet told stories of their own childhood trauma and making comparisons to his.
If you were to try and sum it up - what would you call this type of behavior?
I would really appreciate any insight.