Feeling sad and suicidal

[Namechangefeelingdown]

I'm so sad. I have a 3yo. I'm a lone parent. His dad abused us both. Raising my beautiful son on my own. Living with a family member and have been for 3 years as can't afford rent. Couldn't go on the council housing list as owned a house with my ex. He refused to sell or buy me out and it took me 3 years to get my name off it. Hardly any equity which went on paying off debts. I earn 30k a year, not bad, but childcare nearly 1k a year and because I earn an OK wage I don't get much universal credit. I pay rent for lodgings every month but because I am with a family member I can't claim UC for it. Finally applied for council housing 6 weeks ago but heard nothing since. Likely I won't be in a high band. I've shared 1 bedroom and a bed with my child for 3 years but apparently not overcrowded as I don't lack 2 or more bedrooms. I need to move out. I'm severely depressed. I'm exhausted. I can't afford to rent and have debts I pay off every month. I would never harm myself but I think about it every day and it is getting me down. I don't know what to do anymore. I am a brilliant mum. I do everything for my child. I just don't know what to do as I can't afford to move out and just don't want to live in this horrible situation anymore. I just want a night on my own. Just once. I want my own bed, and space, and a living room I can walk through and use without feeling awkward.

@Namechangefeelingdown

As you said you are a brilliant Mum. You have protected and persevered for your little boy.

I know this may sound glib but you sound like such a strong woman to have come through and escaped from your abuser. You will survive this and come out the other side.

Can you get help with nursery fees. Can you get the free nursery hours now your ds is 3 years old?

I really hope your situation improves soon. Keep talking and the list of organisations given by MN may be able to help with the relevant advice.

I wish you all the best OP. Keep going it will not be like this forever.🙏

I don't have much practical help just wanted to send support and say that if your lovely boy is 3 now, it's not long until school and hopefully that should see a big drop in childcare costs and leave you with more financial slack. This really tough stage won't be forever. You're doing so well to keep your career going, provide everything for yourself and your boy and to have got away from an abuser.

Oh and don't worry, nothing about your post suggests you're asking for anything- I think it's just standard wording 💐

My first thought is rent a one-bed first, and convert the living room into your bedroom with a day bed/sofa bed. I know this sounds shit, but I'm in my 30s and that's what I do.

Compared to living with others, I honestly love it, and honestly no one bats an eyelid at stuff like that these days, rent is insane right now.

It sounds like very soon things will get a lot easier for you. Your dc will go to school so soon. And you are on an excellent wage!

Hang in there OP! All your crazy hard work will pay off within two years.

Instead of a 2 bedroom house, could you look for 1 bedroom and either (a) sleep in sitting room or (b) have two single beds in the bedroom?

I realise 2 bedrooms would be better, but if 1 bedroom is more affordable, it would at least give you privacy

@Namechangefeelingdown you sound like a wonderful mum. Childcare costs in this country are dreadful. Is your son eligible for 30 free hours yet? This has made a massive difference to our childcare bill. Do you use tax free childcare?

Are you getting the 30 hours free childcare yet? Or is it not the term after they turned 3 yet? This will make a difference!

Hang in there. You're doing so well.
Maybe a one bed soon will mean you can take the living room and your child can take the bedroom? Is there any option for this in a different part of town?

Well done for making yourself and your child safe, that is very brave and strong. You are just heading to the end of the very expensive childcare phase so please hang in there. In a couple of years they will be in school and you will be able to keep your head above water more. Things will get easier in little ways that add up to a big difference. I've been a lone parent and I know it is so hard. Think about contacting one of the organisations listen above such as the samaritans. Juat talking can help. X

💐☕️ sending kind thoughts and good wishes x
everything is temporary, this too will pass - you’ll get there.

Please keep speaking to your gp and keep reaching out

You’re doing amazing!
i know it’s really hard right now but it’s a long game , when your child starts school your outgoings will reduce and you can start saving for a deposit (or even a few nights away first )

Check out entitledto.co.uk to make sure you're getting everything you should be. In terms of the debt, have you thought about contacting stepchange? They were absolutely brilliant when i used them for advice. They were able to help me structure my debt and made me realise i had more options than i thought i had. Its worth a try.

You're a brilliant mum. You saved your little boy from abuse, and this situation won't be forever. One day you'll look back and feel so proud of how you got through these days.