Teenagers!!

[aimslou]

Do your 13 year olds just decide where they are going and not ask? Am I being unreasonable to expect my 13 dd to ask me to go somewhere before she actually goes? Am I asking too much??

Depends what and where it is really. I’d probably expect dd2 14 to check if we had plans and ask permission if it was something out of the ordinary.

but if she were say, going to meet her friend in town and didn’t need me to give her a lift, then I’d probably just be happy with being informed of her plans. so long as they didn’t clash with family plans.

dd1 can do what she likes as she’s 17. But would still need to check with me if she needed a lift.

Ds will tell me he's going 'out' and literally accuses me of being like the CIA if I ask for more details.

Don't get me started on the automatic no to every request

My 13 and 14 year olds aren't allowed out of the house without telling me where they're going. And if it's somewhere outside of our street I expect them to ask first and not just assume they can go where they like.

No I wouldn't expect mine to ask if he can go out. He does tell me where he's going and keeps in touch.
He would ask if it somewhere further than usual.
Weekends he'll usually ask if we've got plans first.

Mine will let me know if she is going out (not asking but telling me where she is going and who with) and she is definitely mature enough to make her own arrangements.

If we have planned something as a family that takes precedence.

If she does go out with friends, she answers the odd text from me so I know she is safe / well.

No you aren't asking too much. I wanted to know where they were going, who with, and roughly how long they would be at that age, even up to the age of 16.

Mine have always said “ is it ok if I go….?”
i just think it’s polite, I’ve never had one go out without me knowing where they’re going and who with ( I’m sure I’ve had some truth bending!) but they understand I need to know where they are just in case

I don’t think it’s a rule in our house as such, just a matter of respect. I tell them when I’m going somewhere!

My 13 year old doesn’t ask if he’s just going out locally only if he was wanting ti somewhere out of the norm

Blimey my eldest is 18 this week and she’d still ask me “is it okay if I go…” and it’s nearly almost a “of course you can go!” Unless we had plans she forgot about I suppose.
Although it’s just basic manners, neither myself nor dh would just walk out of the house without even calling out “just going to the shop” or something so perhaps just the way we live!
You’re not expecting too much if you usually communicate in advance and have set the expectations.

My DD is almost 16 and she tells me where she's going every time, as well as who with and what time she will be home. I wouldn't be letting her go otherwise.

My sons don’t ask but they let me know and if I said no they would accept no. They also are honest (I check on find my iPhone which they don’t realise) but they know it’s on there.

I also think they should ask and definitely let me know where they are going. My older dd still does, even though I tell her she doesn't need too.
It's so hard at this age as you always get well my friends can do what they want.

Same! I do have to keep telling DD she doesn't have to ask anymore just tell me where she is going but she always does it anyway

The “everyone else is allowed to” is usually nonsense anyway as I’m sure you know. At that age yes, my three needed to ask to go places - it’s how our family works. It is my responsibility as a parent to know where my kids are and who they are with. As they got older it became more a question of good manners, “is it ok…” checking if there were any plans they might need/want to know about.

I wouldn't necessarily expect them to ask but mine always check if they are free to go in case they have forgotten about any plans etc. Obviously if it's something out of the ordinary then at that age they should ask.

I definitely wouldn't expect an 18 year old to ask if they can go out, thats a bit odd, just to be courteous and let us know they are going somewhere, it would be odd to just leave the house without saying anything.

Yes, I would expect them to ask tbh, just out of courtesy, and usually the answer is yes, of course. Sometimes it’s just not workable, maybe we already have plans or I have my doubts about the plans- eg, a shopping centre that’s too far away etc. They’re still too young at that age to just make plans without adult agreement in my opinion.

Mine is 13 and I am fairly relaxed, but I expect her to ask me if she wants to go somewhere! And she does. Just a quick text to say, ‘can I go to x’s house/ shopping/ cinema after school?’. If she’s literally popping via the shops on the way home she wouldn’t ask, but anything that will delay her by more than say half an hour- she does. I also insist on her tracking being on which some people think is OTT but she’s happy with it.

I would want my teen to tell me where they were going, who with and roughly what time they would be back.

I would not expect them to be asking permission for "normal" things except in the sense of checking that it didn't clash with anything else that was already planned sort of way. Though we tend to make sure stuff is in the family calendar, so they generally check first.

i.e. I'd expect DD to say "I' m going to Emily's house; I'll be back in couple of hours" and not "can I go to Emily's house?"

Depends, when ds was 13 he would say a rough plan of going to meet Jack (lives 2 miles away) and then probably go to the astro turf (couple of miles from Jacks) to play footie, and would probably go "somewhere" for lunch.

What happens is when he goes out he would go meet Jack, Jack would have spoken to John and they would end up meeting everyone at the Tesco near Bobs then head down to a different astro turf than originally planned and then McDs for lunch. When they go out they usually clock up 15-20 miles walking between houses, astroturf and town, or even more on bikes. I wouldn't expect updates on what he was doing as long as he was staying within our town and his usual hangouts around the 3 housing estates his friends stay in around the catchment area for his school and the town centre.

If they were getting a bus/train somewhere or heading on a cycle outside town he would ask/send a text and let me know.

Mine are 14 and 16. They can't go anywhere much without a lift, but even so they certainly wouldn't just go out without saying where they were going, any more than dh or I would just go out without mentioning it to anyone!

If my 13 year old is just going out with friends/ into town etc I wouldn't really expect her to ask if this is ok- she knows it is so she would just tell me she's going out. If it's something further a field, she needs a lift back later on etc then she would ask.
If we have family things planned I'll let her know not to make plans with friends that day.

Yes they do clock up miles and miles moving from one place to another- I certainly couldn't cope with a constant update with every location change 😂

My 12yo will just go but my just turned 14yo would tell me and make plans. 12yo is usually at the park so we go get her if needed.
We can see where they are on their phones too

Christ, I definitely didn't let my13yr old just come & go as he pleased with no permission from me or details about where he would be etc. Not a chance.

He's just turned 15yrs old now & still has to ask permission/agree any relevant rules/keep us updated/be back when we ask etc.