Strange men and their unsolicited comments

[YeOldeNameChange]

I’m a female police officer and not much offends me but I am so sick of men’s stupid comments.

Eg yesterday my female colleague and I (both older ladies) were policing an event and the amount of times I got told to smile by men or they do a rictus grin in your face meaning “smile”. Sometimes they’re young enough to be my son! Like seriously FUCK OFF. One day I will just say it out loud.

A female of course never says “smile”.

(We refuse to smile, blank them and say FUCK OFF TWAT under our breath when said Neanderthal has gone)

There is no way a male officer is ever told to smile either by a female or a male member of the public.

Then today, not at work, with a female friend, kids playing. Our kids lost something in the cornfield so ran in to find it. A man informs us that “you do know it’s a cornfield and they’re trampling it”. Jesus Christ like kids have never gone in a cornfield.

No way would he have spoken to my DH at all in such a situation.

Just need to rant and know I am not alone?

Bit tricky in your job example, but I’ve often asked a man whether he would have said that (whatever inane comment it might be) to another man?

no need to be rude or snippy about it, but a in a surprising number of cases the man in question has really never thought about it like that and does actually show signs of the penny dropping.

Then today, not at work, with a female friend, kids playing. Our kids lost something in the cornfield so ran in to find it. A man informs us that “you do know it’s a cornfield and they’re trampling it”. Jesus Christ like kids have never gone in a cornfield.

Annoying for the farmer though

A random man telling a woman he doesn't know is SO patronising, he'd never say that to another man.

Point is - doubt the male would’ve said it to my DH
in fact I bet my DH would’ve been allowed to run about in the corn without the man commenting.
Secondly - doubt corn is so fragile that two primary school kids retrieving their toy requires A MAN to make an announcement to protect said corn.

I generally blank them, roll eyes or stare with no expression and hope they will think twice in future but I do resent the “no need to be rude”. It’s rude of them to entreat me to smile.
Whose husbands are these making these twatish comments?!

Agree. Never. I’ve been “told off” so often by random men for nothing-transgressing a social norm usually. Often when you have your kids with you so you’re vulnerable. My DH never has this happen.

Next time I think I might say “tell the male officers to smile”

YANBU I work in a customer facing role and hate it when random men tell me to smile. I smile most of the day it's not like I walk around miserable but I cannot have a permanent grin.

Yes it’s the same for any public role they think they own us.

If I were you in that position I would have a hard time holding my tongue! They're hardly going to start an argument with a uniformed police officer right?

It's true though, the comments we receive as women would never be said towards a man. I decided a while ago I am never laughing at a man's terrible attempt at sexist humour ever again and I feel good every time it makes them feel awkward.

Once or twice I've reacted with a crazed wide eyed grin, channelling Nicholas Cage in Face/Off. They back away slowly

Have experienced this many time over the years, especially being told to smile! Like fuck off, how dare you tell me what to do with my face.

I got told to smile by a bloke when I was on the way to my mum’s house, having heard my dad had died suddenly and unexpectedly. I told him my dad had just died, which did wipe the stupid smile off his face - and hopefully he learned a lesson about not telling random women to smile (though I doubt it).

I bought dd this for Christmas

manwhohasitallshop.com/product/little-reminder-hoody/

Love this you tube:

Ugh yeah “smile” is right up there with “cheer up love it might never happen” 🙄

Maybe he was the farmer.

Yep. Ihad a ‘turn that frown upsidedown’ recently - informed him that a close relative was ill and in hospital in a foreign country. He didn’t even have the decency to look ashamed. I just cried.

i’d love to have known what to say.

The smile thing yes yanbu

This”Then today, not at work, with a female friend, kids playing. Our kids lost something in the cornfield so ran in to find it. A man informs us that “you do know it’s a cornfield and they’re trampling it”. Jesus Christ like kids have never gone in a cornfield”

YABU and sound very screw someone else’s livelihood my little darlings can do no wrong.

I don't disagree with your basic premise, especially around the "Smile love, it might never happen" dictat. I used to be on the receiving end of this shite all the time until age and gravity happily took hold and my face settled into its now permanent state of #MurderousRestingFace. Can't remember the last time I've experienced that pish.

However, not so sure about your second example.

Point is - doubt the male would’ve said it to my DH

Quite possibly not. But I'm not convinced the reason he wouldn't have said it necessarily (or wholly) down to misogyny. A male is far more more likely to resort to physical violence than a female if they take umbrage to chastisement. And realistically, a male is far more likely to do serious physical harm to another male - or female - than a female. He may have felt physically SAFER giving you a gentle rebuke than doing it to another male.

50% of the population are total ass holes. The trick is to try to avoid them (and how they vote)

My DD has a facial expression that could turn you to stone she reserves for random people who offer unsolicited unhelpful advice.

A bloke on a shooting range got said look earlier, she was literally holding a gun at the time, I was very proud.

"I would sir, but it's a bit difficult to smile when there's a member of the public who think's it's his place to tell a police officer what to do."

I hate the 'smile' comment/ command as well. It's more complicated perhaps than just ordinary rudeness or bossiness like 'stand up straight' because 'smile' is such a positive word. You don't really want to explain to a stranger why you don't feel like smiling and 9 times out of 10 I smile awkwardly- not through delight but a strange impulse to appease dickheads that I have had since the first wolf whistle from a builder when I was in school uniform. I wish I had the confidence to give a long hard stare, but more than that I wish men wouldn't say this and other shit to women. You're right- they wouldn't say it to another man.

Really?? Really?