To think that children should always get their mother's last name?

[CaptSkippy]

Here me out.

99% of the burden of reproduction is on women. All the pain and discomfort that come with pregnancy and childbirth are for the woman alone. No man has to suffer physically in any way for a child to be born.

All he has to do is have an orgasm.

Therefore I think that the honor of passing on a family name should belong to women alone.

What do you think?

100% agree. It's an absolute fact - Giving children the father's surname is nothing more or other than an act of appeasement and/or submission by the female. Pure and simple 🤷🏼‍♀️

Any other excuse is the same just dressed up! Just Why would you in this day and age???

Madness.

This. We need to start somewhere! It's definitely now with my kids 😊

And if it's 'not a big deal' men will be happy to cede then won't they...

You seem to have a rather unconventional view of the responsibilities of a father.

Of course. It's pure sexism. Same as 'married names'.

As PP said, there are other countries and cultures where mother's names take precedence.

Close to home, we have the Portuguese (Mother's Surname + Father's surname) or the Spanish (traditionally Father's surname + Mother's surname, although it can be reversed if so wished), for instance. But then I hear some people find it 'chavvy'. Give me strength! 🙄

Refreshing to see the responses here have changed BTW. Years and years ago I gave my opinion that it is very sexist for a woman to take her husband's surname. Most reactions were hostile, along the lines of 'it's tradition, how dare I?'

If you did it would still be a man's name.

youdroppedthis are you a man?

But it's still a man's name. Why would my mother want to give me the name of her abuser? I'm glad I got my fathers name and not my mothers father.
My grandmother was a 'found' child, we have no history to trace back to find her fathers name, as you suggest.

Parents are be able to choose which ever name suits their situation, as it should be. Hospitals default to giving the baby the mothers surname is she is unmarried anyway.

All the pain and discomfort that come with pregnancy and childbirth are for the woman alone. No man has to suffer physically in any way for a child to be born

What has any of that got to do with you both becoming a parent though?
"I suffered more than you and you didn't so you don't get the name?!"
Er, no.
I see it as becoming a parent and starting a family and you all having the same name.
If that means taking on the traditional way of taking the father's name, that's fine by me.
If you don't want to take his name, that's fair enough too.
Neither's "wrong."
Pain has nothing to do with it though!

YANBU at all.
Children should always have their mother's surname. With or without their father's surname in addition.
I don't think anyone should change their surname after they get married, either. (I did change part of mine, for complicated reasons, but in an ideal world I wouldn't have.)

No.

It’s up to individuals what they do. Do what you like, who cares?

Why is my mother's father's name preferable to my husband's name?

Children should always have their mother's surname. With or without their father's surname in addition.
I don't think anyone should change their surname after they get married, either.

Why?
Surely it's up to the individual, and what's right for their family set up?
I changed mine when I got married to my husband's, and the kids have their Dad's surname too.
Works for us.
I'm not about to sit in judgement of those who keep their own names, so why do people do the same the other way round?
Each to their own I say.

Other than that, it would be my mother's mother's name, which was my mother's mother's father's name - why not just be my husband's name? WHich is in fact his mother's father's name.

Just Why would you in this day and age???
Because we have the choice to do what the fuck we like?

But why can't it be that "starting a family and you all having the same name" means taking the woman's name? If it's just down to tradition there have been Many "traditions" over the decades and centuries that have been overturned due to their being inequitable and/or just downright sexist, why should this not be one of them?

Blethers

Pregnancy and childbirth isn't only about pain and suffering though. It also gives you an automatic bond with the baby. That's not so immediate for fathers, and having a baby with his own name I think can help fathers build that bond, and feel that this baby is really theirs.

Yes absolutely. I carried him for 9 months. Gave birth to him and brought him up so he has my surname which was unusual for the 1980s
His father had the cheek to get into a strop about it. He did absolutely nothing for DS ever.

Just trying to work out why you seem determined to champion the male viewpoint of "that's the way it's always been" ? 🤔

Regardless of historical origins of a name it surely ought to be in the present and for the future about the right of a woman to take back control for herself, not just bounce along with convention to appease the male and his family for the sake of it...

I’ve been married for nearly 20 years - I did take my husband name - sort off. Work I kept my maiden name & use my married name in some places . For example I’ve always paid the tv licence & utilities I’ve never bothered changing my name so all in my maiden name! I only changed my passport because my Mum booked a holiday in my married name and at the time was cheaper to redo passport,

I wish I wasn’t so caught up in the ‘what you should do’ when I was younger as I feel now I have a perfectly lovely maiden name & if I could I wish I just stuck with it! 20 years later I still identify with my name. I love my husband but I do wish I’d given my children my name - we even had a conversation at the time (first I was unmarried) but I was all caught up in the whole it’s the right thing to do rubbish! He wasn’t bothered either way & it was my choice.

Even my husband still refers to me as my maiden name ! It’s who I am and I identify much more with my maiden name - sounds bonkers I know!

Partner and I are engaged, no plans to marry just yet, pregnant with our first child, he said he would like the baby to have both our names so we're going to double barrel it, now we've just got to work out who's surname sounds better first 😆

Yes but you're not are you? You're doing what the man wants 🤷🏼‍♀️ I mean you say you want it but you only want it if they want it... If the man said, Darling I really think baby Johnny should have your name you wouldn't suddenly be like, No Darling, he must have yours as that's what I want!

Women should just stand up for themselves as individuals not just as extensions of the current man in their lives. IMO obviously 😁

I’ve always said this. It would also make it more aligned with actual genetic lineage because somewhere in the father’s line they’ll have been some cuckolding going on.

🤣🤣 good old Sunday night MN!