To have not invited her?

[ImInStealthMode]

I'll try and be brief;

We're getting married this week, and a friend has just messaged to cancel, on the basis that we didn't invite someone else and she doesn't agree with it.

Scenario is 8 girls in one friendship group. 7 of us used to spend a lot of time together when we were all single, the 8th (let's call her C) would join occasionally. Since the pandemic we're all in relationships and 2 have moved away. We've drifted apart some but still speak / meet up semi-regularly.

I've never at any point met up with or even spoken to C outside of the group scenario. We're not friends in our own right.

When it came to planning our wedding we wanted to keep it small and intimate. We invited the other girls, plus their partners since we know them. We didn't invite C in

It’s a bit shit leaving out one person from your friendship group.

I think you're absolutely allowed to invite who you want and if your friend had an issue about it she has been rude cancelling so last minute and making a big deal of it. It's your day, not hers and she has no right to let you know her feelings especially so late knowing it's inconvenient.

Plus as you said friend C wasn't coming to everything with the other 7 of you, just occasionally so therefore I don't count that the same as the rest of you.

I hope you enjoy your wedding and don't worry about this.

This .

How awkward for her when the group chat about your wedding

@BattenbergdowntheHatches Where has anyone insinuated that?! She's not single, in fact she never has been!

Is there a reason for why C only joins the group sometimes? Perhaps B is privy to this. Eg mental or physical health issues, disability or childcare is issues, such as being a single parent or having an unsupportive partner etc. I am ill and disabled and was dropped by a large group of ‘friends’ because I couldn’t keep up. If she is doing her own thing and only joins sometimes, fair enough. But if it is something like me, it’s very upsetting.

@Mummyoflittledragon To the very best of my knowledge it's nothing like that. She's got no DC, I'm not aware of any ill-health.

She just has other groups of friends and a partner and does her own thing most of the time.

Yes you were unreasonable. It was cruel to leave one person out when you do spend time with her and she was clearly part of group.
If you all went out after the wedding how would she have felt?

Mean for no reason

Wouldn't have invited C.
Not even as a token gesture.

It's your wedding and you should only invite people who really matter to you.

Don't give this issue any more headspace.

Sorry op I agree !

Has friend responded to your message?

Usually I'm of the camp - invite who you like.

But did you really need to exclude just 1 person? You clearly have seen each other since the invites and before the wedding and must have known she'd feel left out.

It's 1 person.

Unless you knew for certain that C wasn't interested in attending, it was mean to exclude just her out of a group of 8. If anything, this reinforces to C just how much of an outsider you consider C to be. If you've never been in C's position, you probably can't appreciate just how hurtful it can be. There have been so many threads on MN about people feeling excluded from friendship groups and how hurtful it is. It is a hurtful thing to do.

YANBU

@Kellykukoo But she's only an 'outsider' to me, not to the group in general.

She sees the other girls individually and in smaller groups, we've just never developed that kind of friendship. She's never started a conversation with me nor me with her.

I would never expect to be invited to anything by her, except maybe a night out.

Maybe I should have invited her and her partner (who I've met once briefly, I think) but it would have meant leaving off 2 people we'd probably rather be there, and in any case I can't go back and change it now. If I'd known this was such an issue back in February I could have done.

“I've never at any point met up with or even spoken to C outside of the group scenario. We're not friends in our own right.”

^Why on earth should you invite someone like this to your small and intimate wedding. YANBU at all.

OP your question was "AIBU to have not invited her?" but you've spent your time fighting your corner to anyone who has said YABU! 😂 Not sure why you created the thread!

@Confusion101 Sorry if it's come across like that - I'm not trying to 'fight my corner', just properly convey the situation.

FWIW I feel shit about the whole thing.

I don't think you should have invited her.

I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong at all OP. Wedding threads are usually “invite only who you want to be there!”

Why has B only decided now, a few days before the wedding that it’s such an issue she’s going to decline at short notice?

If your AIBU was “to think friend shouldn’t decline 3 days before wedding because of information she has known for months”, I think the response would be much more sympathetic.

Weddings are stressful enough without your friend throwing this into the mix - I think it would spoil a friendship for me really.

I find it odd that friend b waited until the week before your wedding to say she wasn’t coming and why especially as you say she knew since February. You are within your rights to ask her why . Did she suddenly develop a moral conscience?. There is little you can do now but maybe speak to friend b and say so that if she said something in February you could of done something but now you can’t do , actually it’s ruined the friendship with friend b imo .