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Original poster

Would you take offence to this?

55 replies

GVBSJRI · 29/05/2022 13:16

Met a relative for lunch last week, walking next to her down the road and she grabs my arm and laughs "you've still got your fat arms"

When I didn't laugh along she said "Oh no I'm only joking"

I'm probably about 11.5 - 12 stone at the minute so yes I'm overweight for my height. I had a baby 7 months ago by c section and I still have a fair bit to lose.

I used to have an eating disorder which she knows all about and that comment has triggered me terribly. All I can focus on is my fat flabby arms and how disfusring i look🙁

Would you take offence to her comment or am I just being too sensitive?

OP posts:
VioletHills · 29/05/2022 13:16

Yes I would take offence and would of told her to fuck off.

HollowTalk · 29/05/2022 13:17

She is awful. What relation is she to you? I would have felt like pushing her over!

Mally100 · 29/05/2022 13:17

Off course I would. It's never ok to joke about someone's appearance especially when you know their history.

Original poster
GVBSJRI · 29/05/2022 13:19

She's my cousin, albeit much older than me.

Ironically she's overweight herself and atleast one dress size bigger than me but I wouldn't dream of saying anything like that to her.

She always makes inappropriate comments and people are expected to laugh it off because she "doesn't mean any harm"

OP posts:
ImustLearn2Cook · 29/05/2022 13:21

Yes, I would be offended. Has she always been a nasty bitch?

Aprilx · 29/05/2022 13:21

Yes I would be offended as it is very rude to call somebody fat and most grown ups know this.

Ihatethenewlook · 29/05/2022 13:25

GVBSJRI · 29/05/2022 13:19

She's my cousin, albeit much older than me.

Ironically she's overweight herself and atleast one dress size bigger than me but I wouldn't dream of saying anything like that to her.

She always makes inappropriate comments and people are expected to laugh it off because she "doesn't mean any harm"

Well this is probably why then. She’s bigger than you and feeling shit about herself, she’s had a dig at you to make herself feel better. She’ll have made herself feel even worse now, she’s aware she’s just come across as a total twat

hoomaeyya · 29/05/2022 13:26

I would be offended and upset too.

As she is much older, perhaps she just remembers you having cute chubby arms as a baby/toddler? 100% shouldn't have said anything though.

She also should have remembered that you had an eating disorder and that this comment would massively affect you.

It sounds as if it might have been an innocent but crap joke. I hope it's that rather than that she is a bit of a twat.

VerifiedBot2351 · 29/05/2022 13:26

I wouldn’t be meeting her again.

PinkiOcelot · 29/05/2022 13:28

Totally unnecessary comment! Yes I would have been offended. What a bitch.

Original poster
GVBSJRI · 29/05/2022 13:31

She's known for always putting her foot in it, it's like she has zero social awareness (she's not on the spectrum or anything like that)

Other family members have been conditioned over the years to just not pay any attention to the things she comes out with and let it go over their heads.

I feel like completely cutting her off but didn't know whether I was being dramatic or not.

OP posts:
RaindropsOnRoses12 · 29/05/2022 13:37

Just a comment that doesn’t need to be made!!

I had an ex boyfriend point out to me that I had ‘big’ arms when I was 20 …. I still haven’t worn ANYTHING sleeveless since, even when I’m home alone. I’m 26. Made me extremely self conscious. When really, he was just a twat. But it’s stuck with me now!

don’t know why people need to comment about anybody’s appearance - it doesn’t matter at all to them yet effects the recipient greatly

Id have to tell her how much the comment has affected me. Make her feel bad! Especially if she’s aware of your past issues x

ElenaSt · 29/05/2022 13:42

The standard response to any remarks about any part of your body being fat should be for you to tell them that your body part can lose weight but they will always have a fat head.

Luredbyapomegranate · 29/05/2022 13:46

Not so much take offence as think she was a rude nasty twat.

stop seeing her. Or if you don’t want to then tell her that she is obviously insecure about her weight but making comments about yours is no way to deal with that. And then when she makes some inane response, tell her that commenting on people’s appearance is boring and rude in general so best to stop doing it. And then say ‘boring and rude again!.. are you feeling insecure today?’ every time she does. She’ll soon stop.

MarmaladeLime · 29/05/2022 13:47

In what world is this a joke?

Soakitup37 · 29/05/2022 13:56

Sounds like the sort of thing my mother would say or my grandmother - said without thinking and in all honestly without an malice - but not realising either how much it hurts to hear.

I’d have said, oh charming! Thanks very much (!) any other “commitments” for me while you’re at it?

I wouldn’t cut myself off from a relative for it but sometimes you need to just let it bounce off you. It’s a learning curve but stops the words churning you up.

easyday · 29/05/2022 14:01

Well as she has form for this sort of thing it's part of her personality, and you either accept she will make the odd inappropriate remark or not.
Did you say anything like 'that was pretty insensitive considering my issues with eating, and even without that it's really rude'. If she says 'oh I said I'm joking' you should say 'it's not at all funny'. Unless she is repeatedly called up on her remarks she won't change (even then she probably won't).
Her being older has nothing to do with it.

getoutofheree · 29/05/2022 14:03

I had a friend like this! Very honest. And I do appreciate honesty I really do, and I don't like censorship, but she would just come out with insults and I realised it wasn't honesty, it was just.... being a cow.

I'm not friends with her anymore as she had many other personality flaws.

cooroocoocoo · 29/05/2022 14:07

Yes I would take offence even if I was not recovering from an eating disorder.

If you add that in, it is massively more offensive.

FiveShelties · 29/05/2022 14:12

I would not like that and would have told her so. People get away with nasty comments, disguised as being truthful, because no one tells them they are out of order.

Newtothis777 · 29/05/2022 14:13

I’m so tired of hearing things like this. That is so so unkind and completely unnecessary. Why do people feel the need to comment on weight all the time? And I might add that it is highly unlikely this would have been said to you had you been a man. People need to mind their own business! Sorry this has triggered you that it’s just so horrible.

Isittimeformynapyet · 29/05/2022 14:14

At a family gathering some years ago one of my cousins was describing a visit from her in-laws and how greedy and insatiable they were. She told us how the 15 year old son "grabbed handfuls" of After Eight mints and that he was totally obese and ENORMOUS. I asked "how big?" expecting her to say 5 foot 10 and 20 stone..... She thought for a moment and said "bigger than you"

orwellwasright · 29/05/2022 14:16

I'd have used my flabby bingo wings to compress her big fat rude head.

Original poster
GVBSJRI · 29/05/2022 14:17

Unfortunately I didn't clap back at the time I just didn’t respond. It hurt my feelings as soon as she said it and I was a bit taken aback. In hindsight I wish I'd have pulled her up on it but I just wanted to move the conversation on before she went on to say anything else so when she said "Oh no I'm only joking" I just changed the subject.

I've been getting ready to go out today and feel so shit about my weight I've changed outfit about 4 times and still feel like a slob 🙁

OP posts:
RosesAndHellebores · 29/05/2022 14:18

Every bully thinks the victim shoukd see the funny side. Seeing the funny side might help manage the bully's behaviour but it doesn't mean they aren't a bully.