Would you take offence to this?

[GVBSJRI]

Met a relative for lunch last week, walking next to her down the road and she grabs my arm and laughs "you've still got your fat arms"

When I didn't laugh along she said "Oh no I'm only joking"

I'm probably about 11.5 - 12 stone at the minute so yes I'm overweight for my height. I had a baby 7 months ago by c section and I still have a fair bit to lose.

I used to have an eating disorder which she knows all about and that comment has triggered me terribly. All I can focus on is my fat flabby arms and how disfusring i look🙁

Would you take offence to her comment or am I just being too sensitive?

In my experience it's often overweight ppl making those comments. Sadly, this is how she speaks to/ thinks of herself.

You should have said 'like your fat stomach '

Could it be that she was remembering you as a baby? You know, one of those loving moments? I might be being overly optimistic.

YANBU, your reaction was entirely appropriate and she should feel bloody mortified. What a nasty little comment. Who on earth thinks that’s a nice thing to say to someone in conversation?

Next time say ' still got your big mouth I see' and when she says she was joking tell her to give you the heads up prior to jokes next time so you can laugh.

My partner just suggested I send her some horse shit in the post, apparently there's a market for it 😂

People are just shit, due to comments made about my fat calves and cankles I never wear anything other than full length trousers or jeans. I own 2 pairs of shorts that I only wear abroad and then I make sure my legs arent in any photos.
Those comments have never been forgotton.

"Please don't project your own issues onto me."

I would feel that the only response to her saying "Oh no, I'm only joking" would be to retort "Well, having only had a baby 7 months ago, I'm in the process of losing the baby weight and doing something about my health but....well....you'll always be a nasty individual who clearly with age hasn't learned the lesson that if you haven't anything nice to say, best not to say anything."

Depending on how close as cousins you are that would be....

DM puts her foot in like this constantly. We think she is an undiagnosed autistic. (Several other adults in the family are on the waiting list for autism diagnoses so it is not as
Crazy as it may sound).

I would be upset too OP. However, maybe your cousin is just thoughtless and didn't mean to upset you, like my DM.

And we have today's armchair diagnosis of being on the spectrum. 35 posts in. That must be a record.

Some people are just rude.

Not autistic (diagnosed or not).

Just rude. And they try to brush it away as being a joke. It's not a joke and they are being rude.

Yes, I would. I might not say much at the time but I would think the worst of them for it.

I'd laugh it off but it would really depend on how close to her I was .

If I'd always joked about my fat arms before then a a comment about my fat arms wouldn't bother me.

Resilience.

Wow! What a nasty person - how does she react if people say stuff like that to her?

Absolutely I'd take offence, given offence was precisely what I would have been offered. Unless your cousin lives under a rock she can't be unaware that people don't like being called fat. People with a history of EDs much less so. I can't imagine what could have possibly motivated her to say that other than she's just a nasty piece of work.

Well done @Lemonademoney for resurrecting a post from May 2022!

OP,

Awful thing to say and you do not have to accept it.

Avoid her going forward and block her number.

Try not to allow it to spoil your day, even though it would upset most people.

Enjoy your baby, the weight will sort itself out.

I like your partner's idea ☺️
She was rude and offensive and, despite it just being her personality, she should not have said anything. Some people don't realise how hurtful words can be and some do just to get a rise or to feel better about themselves.
Feel sorry for her that the only way she can live is by sucking the joy out of others. Turn it round in your mind.

I would be interested to know how she reacts when somebody is similarly tactless to her; is she prepared to laugh it off because "they were only joking".
In my experience, they can be very upset.......
I know you were taken aback, but how would she have taken, for example, a lingering look at her own ample frame, followed by "Ooooooh, pots and kettles!", or "You got a refund from the charm school, I hope?"

When I didn't laugh along she said "Oh no I'm only joking"

The knee jerk response of the bully. Along with 'what's wrong, can't you take a joke?'

Yes I would feel exactly how you do OP. What a horrible thing to say. She’s not a nice person and I wouldn’t bother meeting up with her again.

Ask her to explain the joke. Paddington stare while she attempts to.

"Oh. I guess I just think jokes ought to be funny and not at the expense of another person." <shrug>

This

Tbh, I've reached an age where I don't tolerate this shit any more. I think I'd have just cut the meeting then and told her I'm not spending time with someone who's so rude to me. She says stuff like this because she keeps getting away with it.

Lemonademoney

Why did you resurrect a zombie thread??