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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To assume that other drivers on the road are reasonably able and confident at driving?

122 replies

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 29/05/2022 00:48

I've noticed this a number of times recently. There will be a road that is plenty wide enough for three cars side by side, with one row of parked cars along one side, thus no need for anybody in either direction of traffic to pull over to give way.

However, the person coming the other way will then (unnecessarily) pull over, in order to allow me to continue on my way, sometimes look frightened and often give me the evils for (as they clearly see it) forcing them to wait whilst I take the priority, even when the row of parked cars is on my side - when nobody actually needed to wait at all. They look shocked at the idea that I may have been intending to 'force them' to pull a little nearer to the kerb, when this is just standard driving - no different from naturally moving over to one side when you're walking down the middle of a corridor and you meet somebody walking in the opposite direction.

I can only think that this reaction must come from a point of low confidence in driving or possibly very poor spatial awareness - or maybe some kind of misunderstanding that makes them think it is the law that you cannot have two lines of traffic on a local (without lanes marked out) road if there are parked cars? I always give the benefit of the doubt if space is limited, but anywhere where two adequate drivers would have more than enough room to pass, I wouldn't pull over and wait unnecessarily - any more than I would routinely stop for a green traffic light.

I know the old (wise) adage is that you should always assume that other drivers are idiots; but surely there comes a point where you have to expect that other drivers (unless maybe displaying an L or P plate) are at least reasonably skilled and confident at basic driving? When this happens, I'm assuming (maybe wrongly) that they are OK drivers, whilst I can only suppose that that they are thinking that I am a terrible, dangerous and/or selfish driver! I'm neither an amazing nor rubbish driver: just kind of averagely competent, I reckon; and very courteous and patient.

AIBU?

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 29/05/2022 22:34

If anyone ever opens a car door onto this they’ll lose their door.

people shouldn't be opening their door without looking and using the dutch reach is advised, the driver is responsible for passengers opening doors onto the road and making sure its safe to do so

Badbadbunny · 30/05/2022 10:58

ivykaty44 · 29/05/2022 22:34

If anyone ever opens a car door onto this they’ll lose their door.

people shouldn't be opening their door without looking and using the dutch reach is advised, the driver is responsible for passengers opening doors onto the road and making sure its safe to do so

It's irrelevant who is at fault. The reality is that if you hit someone's car door, you will be inconvenienced a lot more (i.e. insurance claim, arranging car repair, etc) than just slowing down a bit or allowing a bit more clearance to avoid it in the first place.

I really don't give a toss who is at fault. I drive to avoid accidents in the first place. Lots of drivers could avoid accidents that are other peoples' fault with minimal effort/disruption/delay/inconvenience. Why wouldn't you if you can?

balalake · 30/05/2022 11:01

I'd guess about two-thirds of SUV drivers are not, and most are incapable of handling them properly. Cars with reversing manoeuvre assistance are another example.

And those men who drive BMWs and Audis with no regard for others on the road lack confidence in a part of their body.

nextone77 · 30/05/2022 11:17

Dougieowner · 29/05/2022 01:41

Some people are unable to judge how wide a gap is and if their car will fit comfortably / safely through. They just sit there and wait for the oncoming traffic to clear before they proceed. Very frustrating and unnecessary.

You're so right. Bain of my life

nextone77 · 30/05/2022 11:19

MichelleScarn · 29/05/2022 06:22

forcing them to wait whilst I take the priority, even when the row of parked cars is on my side when nobody actually needed to wait at all.

You do know you don't have the priority when the cars are on your side?

That's what that sentence says..

catscatscatseverywhere · 30/05/2022 11:27

"However, the person coming the other way will then (unnecessarily) pull over, in order to allow me to continue on my way, sometimes look frightened and often give me the evils for (as they clearly see it) forcing them to wait whilst I take the priority, even when the row of parked cars is on my side - when nobody actually needed to wait at all."

It's your perspective.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 30/05/2022 11:46

I will stop then as if they are as careless to just drive when it’s not their right of way i then think they aren’t the best of drivers meaning my car may get scratched due to their carelessness.

That’s what I’m thinking: these other drivers whom I consider to be lacking in confidence and experience probably also consider me careless and a bad driver. They see it that I’m taking their right of way whilst I see it that they don’t need more than two car widths to proceed safely – if you take the parked cars on the wide road out of the equation, you’re left with the equivalent of a (narrower) standard road that allows two-way traffic as normal, on which cars never park.

I suppose there are many things in life where it’s not just a case of knowing what you’re doing, but how can the other person know that you know what you’re doing?

Assuming others are focused and sensible is a risk. Up to you whether to take that risk.

Assume that everyone else is either a complete idiot who has never even heard of the highway code or is actively trying to kill you and drive accordingly.

This is good advice in general, but I think also far too simplistic. If I were to take this to its logical conclusion, I most certainly wouldn’t drive on the roads at all – possibly wouldn’t even use the pavements without fear.

Some people are unable to judge how wide a gap is and if their car will fit comfortably / safely through. They just sit there and wait for the oncoming traffic to clear before they proceed. Very frustrating and unnecessary.

Yes, that’s how I see it. I think courtesy and reasonable adjustments (if you have any way of knowing that these are required) are very fair, as the roads are for everybody; but equally, I don’t think a significant lack of confidence and/or ability are acceptable if you want to drive on the public roads. If you aren't able to meet a basic minimum standard, I'm afraid the adjustment needs to be that you shouldn't drive.

Whenever we have the threads about non-drivers, there are always some who will openly state that they would be too anxious or panic a lot if they were to drive, so they make the (wise) decision not to learn in the first place. There also seem to be a lot of MNers who are terrified of motorways and thus refuse to ever use them – which is concerning, but probably the most sensible decision under the circumstances.

The scariest ones, I think, are those who are seriously bad and/or unconfident drivers, but who either fail to realise it or fail to acknowledge it. To them, most people driving normally are bad drivers and they seem blissfully unaware of how much they force other drivers to react sharply to prevent an accident.

It reminds me of the old joke about the woman who hears on the radio about somebody driving the wrong way on the M4 and, knowing that her husband is using that motorway, calls him and urges him to be very careful, as there’s a crazy driver going in the wrong direction. He replies “It’s far worse than that: it’s not just one, there are hundreds of them!”

OP posts:
Binsk · 30/05/2022 11:59

DonnieDark · 29/05/2022 10:34

A few weeks back I was stuck down a road being blocked by a lorry, who had basically stopped really close to a car parked on the other side of the road, leaving a small diagonal gap with no room for manoeuvre.

I asked him to pull forward a tiny amount after trying to get through and he told me 'everyone else got through'.

My car is low and wide and I couldn't see properly. Had I driven through I would've scratched my car and taken off my wing mirror, so obviously I wasn't going to try.

I posted in my local FB group about it and got told I was a bad driver 🤷

With some exceptions, it's generally legal to block the road if making a delivery, if you're not going to take a very long time. If he was on a tacho break (mandatory after driving a certain amount of hours), he wouldn't have been able to move it.
It would be nice if he could have, but it's not always possible.
HGV drivers get a lot of stick from people who have never driven one and don't realise how bound you are by rules and regulations, then when you do find a way to make a delivery or whatever you need to do, a car driver will have something to say about it.

OneTC · 30/05/2022 12:02

You drive too far off the curb/roadside probably, if it's happening loads

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 30/05/2022 12:52

You drive too far off the curb/roadside probably, if it's happening loads

No, I did make it clear upthread that it is not happening loads. Most people I encounter (sensibly) slow down and pass as normal, using the more than adequate space available for two cars to pass.

I actually deliberately pull right over into the kerb or (safely) very close to the row of parked cars, to give them maximum room - as I said, I try to be polite and courteous; but a few drivers do still appear to think that I'm being discourteous by not automatically allowing them more than twice as much space as they need and waiting, holding up traffic behind me.

OP posts:
Blossomtoes · 30/05/2022 12:54

I assume that everyone on the road is a shit driver or a nutter. A very high percentage seems happy to prove me right.

TheFoxAndTheStar · 30/05/2022 14:09

when a road effectively has three lanes and only one is blocked by parked cars, it’s a moot point

But does it actually have 3 lanes or are you just forcing your way into the other lane because yours is blocked?

PurassicJark · 30/05/2022 14:27

Hadalifeonce · 29/05/2022 01:10

My dad used to say everyone else on the road is an idiot, and they are waiting to do something stupid.

I presume this at all times. Many drivers are good, but it's not like cars have signs above them telling you who is bad and who is good. Assume they are bad and could be about to hit you, then you'll always expect something and hopefully be able to avoid it.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 30/05/2022 23:29

But does it actually have 3 lanes or are you just forcing your way into the other lane because yours is blocked?

No, there are no lanes marked out - only at the very ends where cars obviously aren't allowed to park anyway and thus not near the normal 'pinch-points'. We just have a few local roads which are wide enough for a line of cars to be parked and still allow ample room for two other cars to pass each other using the remaining two-thirds.

Most drivers understand and have no issue with this, but I encounter the odd driver now and again who seems incapable or unwilling to use half of what is now effectively a standard two-direction local road and want/need the whole thing. One of these roads even has speed bumps and a 20mph limit on it, so at the 'pinch-point' sections where people usually park, we're talking about a normal 'natural' speed of between 5-10mph.

OP posts:
zingally · 31/05/2022 10:50

You are massively over-thinking other people's intentions and emotions.

Personally, I'd much prefer an overly-cautious driver than a speeding, dangerous one.

PrawnToast5 · 31/05/2022 11:32

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 30/05/2022 23:29

But does it actually have 3 lanes or are you just forcing your way into the other lane because yours is blocked?

No, there are no lanes marked out - only at the very ends where cars obviously aren't allowed to park anyway and thus not near the normal 'pinch-points'. We just have a few local roads which are wide enough for a line of cars to be parked and still allow ample room for two other cars to pass each other using the remaining two-thirds.

Most drivers understand and have no issue with this, but I encounter the odd driver now and again who seems incapable or unwilling to use half of what is now effectively a standard two-direction local road and want/need the whole thing. One of these roads even has speed bumps and a 20mph limit on it, so at the 'pinch-point' sections where people usually park, we're talking about a normal 'natural' speed of between 5-10mph.

If there are no lanes marked out except for at the end, it's no wonder people are waiting because the lanes have merged into 1 (presumably wide) lane. They don't just stop painting lines for the fun of it

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 31/05/2022 12:18

You are massively over-thinking other people's intentions and emotions.

Personally, I'd much prefer an overly-cautious driver than a speeding, dangerous one.

It's not consuming my life - I just don't like people to think I'm being selfish and/or a bad driver when I'm not.

As I've clearly said, I'm not talking about speeding or driving dangerously; it doesn't have to be one or the other extreme: it's perfectly possible to drive competently and courteously whilst allowing everybody to make reasonable safe progress on the roads.

If there are no lanes marked out except for at the end, it's no wonder people are waiting because the lanes have merged into 1 (presumably wide) lane. They don't just stop painting lines for the fun of it

Maybe you live in a city, but it's very common in smaller towns and rural areas for local roads to only be marked into lanes/halves at the ends and with junctions.

As I've said a number of times, they are unmarked widths of two-direction road that is a minimum of three and a half cars wide. If you take the parked cars out of the equation, if somebody needed to use that width just as one lane for themselves, they probably aren't capable to be driving anything wider than a motorbike in the first place.

OP posts:
Blossomtoes · 31/05/2022 15:08

If you take the parked cars out of the equation there wouldn’t be an issue. People clearly don’t want to pass in a space they judge to be too narrow because they’re afraid of hitting a parked car. It’s such a classic MN thread:

OP - IANBU
MN - Yes, you are
OP - here’s a drip feed of unconvincing arguements to prove I’m not

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 31/05/2022 15:55

If you take the parked cars out of the equation there wouldn’t be an issue. People clearly don’t want to pass in a space they judge to be too narrow because they’re afraid of hitting a parked car. It’s such a classic MN thread:

OP - IANBU
MN - Yes, you are
OP - here’s a drip feed of unconvincing arguements to prove I’m not

I take your point, but I don't think that's entirely fair. I'm not intending to drip-feed at all - I've just ben trying to clarify on what I thought I'd described well, but either I hadn't or (as it seems to me) people have imagined their own scenarios different from what I've clearly stated - such as those painting me as some maniacal, aggressive speeder, even though I can't imagine most people who actually drive that way would give a hoot about being seen as discourteous in the first place.

It seems that a few people agree with me, but I accept that most don't - based on how they (both groups) have interpreted what I've said. It still seems crazy to me to have traffic queuing up for no reason on a plenty-wide road, but I see that I'm in the minority there, for whatever reason(s) people have.

OP posts:
DonnieDark · 04/06/2022 11:33

SarahShorty · 29/05/2022 18:41

I've had similar responses in the past. Next time, if you can, just mount the curb (assuming no obstructions) and get by that way. Miserable sods aren't going to be happy regardless of what you do.

Not an inch of curb was mountable - both sides cars parked on the pavement 🙈

DonnieDark · 04/06/2022 11:48

TheGoogleMum · 29/05/2022 09:21

Yes the other driver should not have proceeded if they could see you were already there! He has priority before you both got to the parked cars but once you've started your way down this changes and he should wait as surely there's nowhere else for you to go?

Yes this - a few weeks ago I was driving in a village, there was a bus at a stop so the car in front of me overtook, and as the bus wasn't moving I went to pull around too.

The bus then pulled away as I was halfway around him and there was a car coming towards me on the other side who didn't slow down, let alone stop (I was already passing and had time and space to get around had the bus stayed put).

I had to floor it and get through a rapidly narrowing gap, then the bus drove up my arse flashing his lights all the way through the village. Really shook me up the way both drivers seemed to be trying to cause an accident.

I live in a town with a lot of terraced houses on narrow roads that have only on-street parking on both sides, so it's not always obvious who should go first but people can't have right of way if you're already driving through!

DonnieDark · 04/06/2022 12:04

Binsk · 30/05/2022 11:59

With some exceptions, it's generally legal to block the road if making a delivery, if you're not going to take a very long time. If he was on a tacho break (mandatory after driving a certain amount of hours), he wouldn't have been able to move it.
It would be nice if he could have, but it's not always possible.
HGV drivers get a lot of stick from people who have never driven one and don't realise how bound you are by rules and regulations, then when you do find a way to make a delivery or whatever you need to do, a car driver will have something to say about it.

He could've stopped a few inches further forward and there wouldn't have been an issue. He did pull forward in the end so can't have been on an enforced break.

I know the rules but you don't see lorries stopped in the middle of a motorway at random, so they must at least try to park up safely when they know a break is coming.

Other lorries were trying to pull into the road but were blocked so traffic was stretching back to a roundabout and nobody could pass that either. Looks like pure disregard for other motorists to me.

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