I shouldn't have to justify having a drink!

[KevinTheKoala]

I'm a fully grown adult, I am going through a rough patch with my mental health and whilst I understand alcohol isn't the healthiest way to deal with that, I have been drinking a little more than usual. Usual for me being only on social occasions once in a blue moon. I am not drinking every night, or even every week - sometimes it's three times a week, often it is less. I don't drink alot, for instance this week I had two gin and tonics yesterday, one desperado the day before that and 4 small glasses of wine tonight - very small glasses. It is considerably more than normal I will admit but certainly not binge drinking levels - or even as much as some people have on a daily basis! But I've had some comments about how much I'm drinking and it has annoyed me a bit, I'm an adult, I don't get drunk - or even tipsy - I'm going through a really hard time mentally at the moment and I'm entitled to have a drink if I feel like it.

You're an adult entitled to drink.

Personally alcohol is very dangerous for me when I'm feeling very low so best avoided when feeling vunerable.

You're right in that it's your choice and you don't have to justify it, but it seems you are trying to, to yourself at least. I think you know you're drinking for the wrong reasons and are concerned about it. The fact you're thinking about it is a good thing, but please try to talk to someone about what is bothering you before alcohol becomes your only way of coping, it's all too easy for that to happen.

@Intrigueddotcom

Reckless? My comment was not reckless.
Yet many many other posters have said the same. Yet you quote me.

"It's fine. Ignore the comments."
"That amount is fine. People need to mind their own business."
"You are grown adult. Nuff said."

Sounds to me like you are starting to self medicate with alcohol.
You are doing it to prevent nightmares, which suggests you could quite easily become dependant on it.
You are doing it because of your MH issues, not for enjoyment.
Your partner is probably worried about you, and their concern is coming across as digs.

I only drink if I go out ( not often). If I upped my intake to the level you have, my DH would be genuinely concerned, and with good reason.

Take a step back, and really think about how this could affect your life.

You're in an abusive relationship. You have young children and now, as said, you're throwing in you self medicating with alcohol. Alcohol will numb things, you'll probably miss your children being further affected by the abuse. You certainly won't be the parent that they need and that's why it's an issue in your case. You feel trapped because you are a low earner. Of course you are having nightmares. You do need to take the advice on other threads and make plans to leave. You don't have a voice in the house because he does things like punches walls when you try to defend yourself. So without any existing MH issues, anyone would have poor mental health. The whole situation is already affecting your children, they don't need an alcoholic mother on top.

The problem isn't necessarily the amount you are drinking, it is that you are drinking as a coping mechanism (rather than as an enjoyable activity).

I would be concerned about you, but I am also concerned that you feel that your partner's comments are 'digs' rather than coming from a place of concern.

Are they part of the problem?

"Your partner is probably worried about you, and their concern is coming across as digs."

It's another stick to beat you with.

That's concerning drinking three days in s row to cope with stress and then downplaying it. I know you say it's a one off but do you usually drink more when your stressed? I live with someone who uses alcohol whenever there is even s little bit of stress and it's very worrying and stressful to everyone else. And he absolutely tells me I'm making digs at him when I question him as someone concerned.

The main issue is whether drinking is having an impact on other areas of your life (e.g. does it lead to you cancelling plans, feeling slightly groggy at work the next day etc).

That said, if you feel you're using alcohol to cope with feelings etc, then that's not a good sign and is a very slippery slope. If that's genuinely the case, I would stop.

With regards to antidepressants and alcohol....

The vast majority of antidepressants eg ssri's are safe with alcohol in that they won't cause harm, over sedation etc.

The issue is alcohol is a depressant especially in excess and brings your mood down. Antidepressants are trying to bring your mood up (duh!). So if your drinking too heavily, the meds are basically ineffective. But alcohol in moderate amounts is fine.

Wrt your own use, it does sound like the beginning of a slippery slope and probably best nipped in the bud.

I think the problem here is you're justifying it down to the size of the glasses.

"the problem is that 3 days drinking can turn into 7 days drinking very easily."

What rubbish. Loads of people drink on the weekends or two weekend nights and one weekday night. It's hardly the sliding slope to alcoholism. Official advice is to have a couple of nights off so this is well within that if the number of units is also fine.

They don't use alcohol as a coping mechanism/self medication. OP drinks to feel better and keep nightmares at bay. That IS a slippery slope.

The amount you’re drinking might not be concerning in and of itself but you admit you’re using alcohol to cope with a difficult time and that you feel like it’s the only coping mechanism you have. That is concerning and I’d be concerned if you were a loved one of mine. My husband doesn’t drink much at all so if he started drinking several glasses of wine a night to get him through a stressful time, of course I’d be worried.

There’s a big difference between expressing concern and making digs though. A supporting partner would be asking why you’ve felt the need to suddenly up your alcohol intake and if there’s anything more constructive they can do to help you cope better, not having a go at you about it. I’m really sorry you’re having such a crap time and that, from the sounds of it, your partner is making it worse instead of better. Do you have anyone else you can talk to and get some support?

People who know you well enough to notice the change in your alcohol intake AND your MH issues, are naturally concerned you're on a downward slope , and giving you a heads up .

You insist you're not getting drunk; but the feedback from people who know you suggests you have noticably changed, not in a good way.

Be glad you have people concerned enough to be looking out for you and trying their best to help. Some people going through a tough time are not so lucky.

The thing is it's honestly not concern, it really is nasty comments. It turns out one of the comments was purely because he thought I expected him to pay for the bottle of wine that I bought -it was very cheap and I had said I was paying for it but he didn't hear this and so that's why he made one his comments in the middle of the supermarket where there were alot of people to hear it.

I also know I need professional help, and that I need to leave - I did have some money saved up but unfortunatley that's now gone and I have to start again because of unforseen circumstances. I have also begged for help from anywhere I can and there is no help available for me, I've tried I don't want to feel like this but nobody can help me. My HV said there's nothing left they can do, and recommended couples therapy which I don't want to do because he twists everything and makes me the bad person and they'll agree with him and it will just be another thing he can use to prove how bad I am. I'm in crisis and there's nothing anyone can offer and its a scary place to be, I know I need help. However - my post was simply about how surely its unfair to make someone who isn't drinking copious amounts - and I'm not - feel like they have a problem.

I know how this sounds but having a drink helps to prevent nightmares which become more frequent when I'm struggling, but mostly I just felt like a drink.

It will fuck up your sleep more though.

I dunno OP. When I used to drink I would have said this was nothing and now I don't it seems like quite a lot. Not in a you've got a problem way, just in a general health way. Maybe set yourself a three nights a week limit or something?

He isn't saying this in a nice, concerned way though is he? He's using as a stick to beat you with and being abusive. You don't have to pay any attention to that. And given your update, I don't think you should use it as a yardstick to show there's something wrong with you either. Sounds like he's the something wrong. Go to therapy alone, not with him.

They’re probably worried about your MH generally and think this may be a sign it’s not good.

From your posts it comes across as drinking to relax and that is fine.

He isn't used to it but it isn't his place to be critical.

You're entitled to a drink. If he is the cause of the anxiety drinking is only hiding the problems indoors.

if a partner is saying ANYTHING as digs then the partner is the problem. It may be that your use of alcohol is not a great idea but I am betting that you will feel a whole lot better without a critical partner.

You didn’t mention in your op that you got drunk last week, only a few posts in.

that is quite telling to me

You didn’t mention in your op that you got drunk last week, only a few posts in.

that is quite telling

I didn't realise dates were required in the OP.

OP you're masking the pain and stress you feel living with him.

I know it's difficult for anyone to break away from an abusive relationship, you only have one life.

Do you want to be with him in 2 years maybe 10 years, break the connection.

You'd be better off in a homeless mother and baby shelter claiming income support until you find a job.

Jot down your options, things will be tight financially but the prices on peace will outweigh the sacrifice of money.

My friend is a single parent who has working topup credits in the UK she does okay with the right budgeting.

I don't think it's concerning.

I drink nearly every weekend. I don't feel like I absolutely need it. I never feel guilty for drinking either. I've always enjoyed alcohol so I'm not drinking for any reason except that I just enjoy it.

I think it's the relationship you have with alcohol vs how much you consume tbh.