Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

I shouldn't have to justify having a drink!

74 replies

KevinTheKoala · 28/05/2022 21:13

I'm a fully grown adult, I am going through a rough patch with my mental health and whilst I understand alcohol isn't the healthiest way to deal with that, I have been drinking a little more than usual. Usual for me being only on social occasions once in a blue moon. I am not drinking every night, or even every week - sometimes it's three times a week, often it is less. I don't drink alot, for instance this week I had two gin and tonics yesterday, one desperado the day before that and 4 small glasses of wine tonight - very small glasses. It is considerably more than normal I will admit but certainly not binge drinking levels - or even as much as some people have on a daily basis! But I've had some comments about how much I'm drinking and it has annoyed me a bit, I'm an adult, I don't get drunk - or even tipsy - I'm going through a really hard time mentally at the moment and I'm entitled to have a drink if I feel like it.

OP posts:

Hallyup89 · 28/05/2022 22:09

Your partner is concerned, and rightly so by the sounds of it. Of course you're an adult who is allowed to have a drink if you want, but the fact that you're trying to justify the increase in consumption is a bit of a red flag. Alcohol is never the answer to mental health issues. I hope you can nip this in the bud before you head down a slippery slope.

Gwenhwyfar · 28/05/2022 22:14

"You have been drinking 3 days in a row. To me that would be concerning."

Why???

Kite22 · 28/05/2022 22:23

Gwenhwyfar · 28/05/2022 22:14

"You have been drinking 3 days in a row. To me that would be concerning."

Why???

Because she doesn't normally drink
Because she is struggling with mental health issues
Because she is also on anti-depressants.

This isn't another "how much do you drink" thread, this is a partner concerned about a person turning to alcohol as a crutch when struggling with mental health and finding that the anti depressants aren't helping and the CBT isn't working.

If my partner started drinking regularly, when they weren't normally a drinker, in those circumstances, then I would be concerned about them too.

NeedAHoliday2021 · 28/05/2022 22:25

I don’t think drinking three days in a row is concerning but your reason for drinking is. I would guess your partner is concerned because it’s a sudden change in character for you.

Seraphinesupport · 28/05/2022 22:30

the problem is that 3 days drinking can turn into 7 days drinking very easily. Kids involved? Id think its on the beginning stages of concerning, it may be 1 drink a night now but it may not be in the future and what are small glasses? half a bottle? a whole bottle? i once saw someone only drinking "small glasses" .. they were just a wine glass, shed had 2 bottles to herself.

Your reason for the drinking is the problem, your trying to drown out your mental health issues with drink, thats where it is concerning because it may not just be the 4 glasses when those 4 glasses dont give you the same satisfaction as they do now.

NewBootsAndRanty · 28/05/2022 22:34

StarDolphins · 28/05/2022 22:06

I drink 3 days in a row every single week & have done for 20 years. 2 small bottles of Prosecco on a Fri, Sat & Sun. Never tipsy, never drunk & worked it out to be 13.2 units, the RDA bring 14 units. Why is drinking 3 days in a row ‘concerning’?

Show quote history

14 units isn't the RDA - it's the recommended weekly limit...

mumda · 28/05/2022 23:08

www.drinkaware.co.uk/facts/health-effects-of-alcohol/mental-health/alcohol-and-mental-health

I suspect the right answer is 'don't drink' but a tot every now and again isn't the end of the world. If you need alcohol to get through the evening you need to stop the alcohol and work out methods of coping better - revisit the CBT maybe. Did you get a work book and meditation recording?

Like when giving up smoking, having a shower is a good avoidance tactic - you can't smoke in the shower, and you'd struggle to finish a drink in the shower. A hot bath (yes you can smoke and drink in the bath) with bubbles and peace and quiet can be really good for you to stop you reaching for a drink.

I'm not saying you have a problem, but someone close to you is feeling you are drinking a bit too much, so it's time to stop and think about it.

pixie5121 · 28/05/2022 23:39

Is it helping you? I know when I'm feeling rubbish, drinking makes it even worse, especially if alone. I love wine and have to be really strict with myself so I don't end up drinking 3/4 bottle and feeling like shit the next day. I get 2 small bottles (175ml) with my weekly shop and drink each of them with a nice meal that wine goes well with (risotto, spaghetti, whatever) and no more. I've got into decaf lattes and herbal teas as things to drink in the evening as a treat to replace the alcohol.

It's not that you should have to justify it to another person but it might help to ask yourself if it's benefitting you.

Shedcity · 28/05/2022 23:41

The issue is that you’re using the drink to self medicate, not just drinking because you enjoy a drink.
it’s not really to do with how much you’re drinking, it’s why you’re drinking that’s the problem

HellyR · 28/05/2022 23:45

at 14 units being the 'recommended daily amount'!!

Marblessolveeverything · 28/05/2022 23:46

The crux is you mention anti depressants. Alcohol is a depressant, chances are you are negating their impact. The quantity is a red herring. The issue is the medication and self medication.

WeAllHaveWings · 28/05/2022 23:48

Increasing your drinking because you are struggling is never a good idea, alchol is a despressant and I would be very concerned if my other half was on anti despressants and increasing their drinking.

You may defensively feel he is having a dig, are you really sure it isnt badly worded but genuine concern?

Coyoacan · 29/05/2022 01:39

It does sound like you are relying on drink to cope with your mental health issues and that is a road best not taken

Yeap and a lot of us are speaking from experience.

LuaDipa · 29/05/2022 06:14

DogsAndGin · 28/05/2022 21:46

To me, you aren’t drinking much at all. However, if you know you’re drinking more than normal, you need to make sure it’s not the start of a slippery slope. Most of the people I know (middle class, working, 30-40yo) are having at least one drink a night, but many are sharing a whole bottle of wine most nights. I have colleagues tell me, ‘oooh I had a lovely bottle of wine last light and I’m going to buy another for later!’

When I first met DH, we wouldn’t be able to finish a bottle of wine between us. Yet, a few years later, at my worst, I could drink a whole bottle to myself. I have friends who can happily drink two bottles of wine no problem, and they can still stand!

It’s amazing how quickly your body builds tolerance and addiction - just be careful. Like I say, I think you’re drinking very little, and whoever is judging you is being quite dramatic IMHO. But, if it is escalating out of your control, you don’t want to add another problem to your load.

Chin up OP, I hope your rough patch is over soon x

This is good advice, as well as getting pub measures for home so you know exactly what you’re drinking. Dh was pouring me a ‘small one’ on occasion and I was waking up with a banging headache. His small was of course equivalent to a large with the measure!

I found myself getting into bad habits with alcohol over the first lockdown and was using it as a bit of a crutch to deal with stress. So I made a deal with myself to only ever drink at weekends - Fri, Sat, Sun at most - and no more than 3 measured drinks a day. I still have those limits now but find that I hardly ever drink at home except for special occasions and I would struggle to manage any more than 3 now anyway. Sometimes that’s too many if I’m honest.

You’re not drinking too much now op and your dp shouldn’t be making digs but he might be concerned. You don’t need to stop but I would keep an eye on just how often you do fancy a drink.

Intrigueddotcom · 29/05/2022 06:19

Objectively- yes you are drinking too much

but even if it wasn’t objectively too much - someone who presumably is actually seeing you drink and the effect it has on you and presumably cares about you - is expressing concern

listen to them. They are taking sense

i suspect you won’t though

Intrigueddotcom · 29/05/2022 06:22

you have started multiple threads ranging from difficulties with your young children to your abusive relationship to how much you are struggling mentally

neither mumsnet and sure as heck not alcohol is what you need. Professional support is what you need

FabFitFifties · 29/05/2022 06:46

Intrigueddotcom · 29/05/2022 06:22

you have started multiple threads ranging from difficulties with your young children to your abusive relationship to how much you are struggling mentally

neither mumsnet and sure as heck not alcohol is what you need. Professional support is what you need

This. Are you listening to those here who are concerned or just taking comfort from those agreeing with you? Those agreeing are not in your situation and may also be justifying/normalising their own drinking.

Oblomov22 · 29/05/2022 06:46

I don't see drinking small amounts for 3 days in a row at home a problem. How is this possibly a problem? I could drink 4 days in a row, and then not for months and months.

Who is saying this is concerning? Dh? Friends?

Oldtiredfedup · 29/05/2022 08:08

So it’s coming from your partner but as digs abc not concern…I’m more concerned about your partner.

is he contributing towards your MH issues? Does he frequently dig at you?

comealongponds · 29/05/2022 08:31

It’s the drinking to cope that’s the issue rather than the amount you’re drinking. And that it a change to your usual behaviour.

at your current level it’s not really a problem but this type of coping mechanism can quickly spiral and become a problem so it’s worth keeping an eye on.

are the comments jokey or are people genuinely concerned?

Intrigueddotcom · 29/05/2022 08:35

Oblomov22 · 29/05/2022 06:46

I don't see drinking small amounts for 3 days in a row at home a problem. How is this possibly a problem? I could drink 4 days in a row, and then not for months and months.

Who is saying this is concerning? Dh? Friends?

i always find posts like this so reckless abs thoughtless

someone in the OP’s RL, presumably close to her if witnessing this, has expressed concern. And given the OP’s thread history, it would seem a very valid concern

and yet a poster who knows squat all about the Op other than what she says she drinks and how it’s not a problem yet someone actually in her life is concerned…. says - what is possibly the problem ?

Minimalme · 29/05/2022 08:38

We can't tell you op. We don't know you or your partner.

Having grown up with an alcoholic and then married one, what I can tell you is that you could be telling the truth or in denial.

Your partner could be a nob or genuinely concerned. You could be having the occasional drink or an alcoholic who is lying to herself, her partner and us.

We just don't know. Everyone else's anecdotes about their drinking are irrelevant.

MrsLargeEmbodied · 29/05/2022 08:43

i think it isnt helping your situation
your partner is obviously worried

Shakeupandwakeup · 29/05/2022 08:51

Four small glasses of wine is quite a lot. Even if there's only 100ml in them which is a lot smaller than the smallest size served in a pub, it's still over half a bottle. If you were doing that every day it would be too much but once in a while, it's fine. DH easily drinks what you drink. He drinks every day. But he's a 6'1" man, so can probably process it more easily.

I had a stressful few days recently and had half a bottle one night and an entire bottle the next night which is unheard of for me. (Not alone - in company.)

dworky · 29/05/2022 08:55

Well, you don't have to 'get drunk' to have an alcohol problem, although I'm not claiming you do. Maybe it's simply that whoever commented has noticed you drinking more than usual.
I'm sorry you're having a hard time but using alcohol as a crutch is generally not a good idea.

Flip

1 2 3