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Original poster

To be a bit miffed - not invited?

54 replies

chatterbug22 · 28/05/2022 14:27

My sister is getting married next month after years of postponing due to COVID, it’s been long awaited.

Her husband to be had his stag do yesterday which I have only found out retrospectively. I vaguely knew what he was doing for it and presumed it would just be friends going but I’ve discovered my dad went along. My partner however didn’t get an invite at all. Admittedly relationship with sister isn’t as close as it could be and I have taken a step back recently to protect my own well-being (I am maid of honour but I have told to step up and do more to prep or be demoted, etc) but we have all been on holidays together, abroad etc. No other siblings either. We live close by. I just feel a little bit disheartened. I know if I had such a big scale do, I’d invite my OH’s brothers girlfriend. It would feel strange and exclusive of me not to. Maybe women are different?

They are not overly close nor have much in common but it’s thrown me that other relatives of mine went. I don’t want anything getting in the way of them having a genuinely fantastic day. They don’t do things by halves and deserve to enjoy every minute as they’ve waited so long. My OH is not bothered and says he understands why he wouldn’t but I feel a bit tense over it. I just wish for everyone to get on I suppose!

How would you feel about this?

OP posts:
CupidStunt22 · 28/05/2022 14:31

I wouldn't feel anything about it. Your boyfriend and your sisters fiance are not friends and I don't see why you would imagine he would be invited to the stag do.

GoFishandChips · 28/05/2022 14:32

I'm afraid unless they are friends I can't see the issue. Your dad is the father of bride, your husband isn't part of the wedding party.

billy1966 · 28/05/2022 14:32

Don't mention it.

You have taken a step back for your well-being?

Focus on that.

Agree to be demoted if it suits you.

If this person is not good to be around, then step away.

GoFishandChips · 28/05/2022 14:33

And yes, in my opinion women are different, we overthink things and worry about slights and being slighted far more then men do!

purplecorkheart · 28/05/2022 14:33

Unless they were friends I would not expected them to be invited tbh

BadWolf2022 · 28/05/2022 14:34

Unless friends I wouldn't expected him to be invited tbh.

Aprilx · 28/05/2022 14:45

I’m trying to put myself in that scenario. So it would be if my boyfriends brother was getting married, would I be miffed to not be invited to my boyfriend’s brothers’s fiancés hen do. No. No I would not. Not even if my boyfriend’s mother was invited, that is her future mother in law whereas I am her fiancé’s brother’s girlfriend.

BendingSpoons · 28/05/2022 14:50

From the groom's point of view, his wife's father is a closer relation his wife's sister's partner. If they aren't close there is no reason to invite him. My brother didn't invite my husband to his stag do and I'm glad he didn't as DH wouldn't have really wanted to go.

Delatron · 28/05/2022 14:52

I think it’s normal to invite the father/mother of the bride. But not necessarily brothers in law?
My brother didn’t go on my DH’s stag and vice versa and we’re all close.

You say ‘other relatives of mine went’ but
only mention your Dad - who is a very important part of the wedding party. Did other relatives go?

PuppyMonkey · 28/05/2022 14:52

He probably invited the father of the bride out of politeness never expecting he'd accept. Grin

Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 28/05/2022 14:58

Your op sounds a bit confused.

you’ve chosen to take a step-back (which is sensible when tensions arise in families), yet you feel put out that your OH hasn’t been invited to the stag, despite your oh and the groom not being remotely close.

I can understand why you feel odd, because it feels a bit like your oh has been excluded because other family went. However if you want a step back then not being invited is probably best rather than forcing a relationship where there isn’t one.

girlmom21 · 28/05/2022 15:02

I wouldn't expect my sisters boyfriend to invite my partner to his stag do, no...

qtpa2t · 28/05/2022 15:08

I don't think this says anything about anything. Me and my sister are super close but our patenters though very friendly Arent actually friends. If anything I'd be surprised if he WAS invited

supersizeforaquid · 28/05/2022 15:09

Why would he go?
they aren’t friends and you don’t sound like you like them either

NewandNotImproved · 28/05/2022 15:12

Fiancé’s sister’s boyfriend is a bit of a tenuous link. They’re not friends. Does your boyfriend think he should have been invited just because he’s dating you?

Beelezebub · 28/05/2022 15:12

You don’t do anything.

Your OH isn’t bothered
They aren’t friends
You don’t get on all that well with your sister
You’ve already taken a step back to protect your mental health

Why are you focusing on a meaningless gesture?

If he had been invited, doubtless you’d have been wondering why or there would have been some fallout from him going given the situation.

You’re upset about a principle that has no actual impact your life at all.

PriamFarrl · 28/05/2022 15:13

Why would he expect to be invited? Did he even want to go?

SlightlyGeordieJohn · 28/05/2022 15:20

Totally unreasonable. Your boyfriend is a completely unconnected person.

Yourearealboy · 28/05/2022 15:20

I wouldn’t think anything because I wouldn’t expect him to be invited.

DaisyQuakeJohnson · 28/05/2022 15:23

I wouldn't feel anything about it. It's usual for the father of the bride to be invited but otherwise, it's up to the groom. Some only invite friends. Others invite lots of males from both families.
If your DP doesn't feel offended or upset, there's no need for you to be. I also notice you say DP and OH, I assume then you're not married. Have you been together long? If your DP is actually a bf, then it makes even more sense why he wasn't invited.

Chikapu · 28/05/2022 15:26

I’d invite my OH’s brothers girlfriend

But why? If you aren't friends with someone why would you want them on something like a stag do?
You're really trying to turn this into a snub when it's nothing of the sort.

GoldenGorilla · 28/05/2022 15:28

I wouldn’t expect any of your relatives to be invited tbh. Traditionally the stag do is just for the groom and his friends and is a bit of a wild night. I’m surprised your dad was invited or chose to go. Certainly I wouldn’t be upset about this.

Mellowyellow222 · 28/05/2022 15:28

is this a partner as in someone you have been with long term, live with and have kids with - or partner as in more casual boyfriend?

what is his relationship like with your dad?

I could understand inviting him to keep your dad company - if you had a brother he would probably be invited.

BUT if the heron doesn’t really know your partner, and your dad and your partner aren’t close I can understand him not being invited

OwlIceCrem · 28/05/2022 15:31

I’ve just told my brother to tell his gf not to invite me on her hen do if she suggests it- she’d be doing it out of a thoughtful but unnecessary obligation and personally I can’t think of much I’d like to do less than a hen do with a load of people I don’t even know. Your other half probably feels like he’s got off lightly.

Snowiscold · 28/05/2022 15:32

Why on earth would you expect your partner to be invited? He wouldn’t be, unless he was a friend of the groom in his own right.