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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit miffed - not invited?

54 replies

chatterbug22 · 28/05/2022 14:27

My sister is getting married next month after years of postponing due to COVID, it’s been long awaited.

Her husband to be had his stag do yesterday which I have only found out retrospectively. I vaguely knew what he was doing for it and presumed it would just be friends going but I’ve discovered my dad went along. My partner however didn’t get an invite at all. Admittedly relationship with sister isn’t as close as it could be and I have taken a step back recently to protect my own well-being (I am maid of honour but I have told to step up and do more to prep or be demoted, etc) but we have all been on holidays together, abroad etc. No other siblings either. We live close by. I just feel a little bit disheartened. I know if I had such a big scale do, I’d invite my OH’s brothers girlfriend. It would feel strange and exclusive of me not to. Maybe women are different?

They are not overly close nor have much in common but it’s thrown me that other relatives of mine went. I don’t want anything getting in the way of them having a genuinely fantastic day. They don’t do things by halves and deserve to enjoy every minute as they’ve waited so long. My OH is not bothered and says he understands why he wouldn’t but I feel a bit tense over it. I just wish for everyone to get on I suppose!

How would you feel about this?

OP posts:
catandcoffee · 28/05/2022 15:35

I couldn't think of anything worse than inviting a person I am not close to on my stag/hen do.

I would want to feel comfortable and uninhibited, not keep checking the person wasn't feeling left out.

FlissyPaps · 28/05/2022 15:35

Is your partner miffed about not getting an invite?

Or are you just miffed on his behalf?

SpaceFarce · 28/05/2022 15:38

I didn’t invite my fiancé’s sisters to my hen do; they didn’t invite me to theirs. They’re nice girls and we get on but there is zero expectation for this. Obviously.

milkysmum · 28/05/2022 15:41

Unless they are friends I don't think I would expect he would have been invited. Try not to over think this.

Cattenberg · 28/05/2022 15:41

My sister didn’t invite me her hen do, even though I was her bridesmaid. When I asked her about it, she just said she just wanted it to be her friends. Cheers, sis!

CurlyCew · 28/05/2022 15:41

Think of all the money travel and hangovers saved. Your partner is probably totally relieved anyway, and doesn't seem to be bothered at all. Leave it be.

Sit back and relax, it is not your wedding, just go and enjoy it best you can.

AskingforaBaskin · 28/05/2022 15:53

So you've distanced the relationship but feel entitled to the Invites that are reserved for those nearest?

Bit entitled? Why would anyone want a tag along on such a special occasion?

WhimsicalGubbins · 28/05/2022 15:59

Honestly? I wouldn’t think anything of it.
My husband didn’t invite my brother to his stag do, my brother didn’t invite my husband to his, and my little sister is getting married soon and her fiancé won’t be inviting my husband to his either (there’s a bit of an age difference to be fair) however, in contrast, my husbands sisters and sisters in law all came to my hen.
Men marrying into a family don’t all that often develop close bonds with each other. Obviously some do….. but a good proportion don’t, and if your sisters partner and your OH aren’t good friends, then why would you expect him to be invited?

Liorae · 28/05/2022 16:01

Is your boyfriend taking as much umbridge as you are over this? If not, get over it.

cafenoirbiscuit · 28/05/2022 16:02

I think you’ve had a bit of a hard time here, and I’d have been surprised too. It’s an invite, and he could have refused it if he didn’t want to go but it’s the thought that counts.

girlmom21 · 28/05/2022 16:05

cafenoirbiscuit · 28/05/2022 16:02

I think you’ve had a bit of a hard time here, and I’d have been surprised too. It’s an invite, and he could have refused it if he didn’t want to go but it’s the thought that counts.

But why should he be thought of at all if he's not a friend of the stag?

SlightlyGeordieJohn · 28/05/2022 16:17

cafenoirbiscuit · 28/05/2022 16:02

I think you’ve had a bit of a hard time here, and I’d have been surprised too. It’s an invite, and he could have refused it if he didn’t want to go but it’s the thought that counts.

But it’s not the groom’s brother, or his sister’s partner, it’s the boyfriend of the sister of his fiancée, the sister who’s chosen to be more distant from the bride. It’s neither a relative, friend, or partner or a family member.

Hesma · 28/05/2022 16:18

You’re waaaaaay overthinking this!

StageRage · 28/05/2022 16:19

Do not create a problem where none exists. You are the one contouring up tension.

Luredbyapomegranate · 28/05/2022 16:21

I wouldn’t give it a thought, if your bro in law to be and husband aren’t friends, no reason your husband be invited. He’s presumably asked your Dad because he likes him, or more likely as a way of getting to know and/or brown nosing his future FIL. A BIL by marriage is not remotely as high status as a FIL.

You see being batshit. Cool off.

ShandaLear · 28/05/2022 16:43

It’s sounds like you’re finding stuff to be miffed about. They’re not close friends, they don’t have much in common, and he’s not part of the bridal party. Not sure why you think he should have an invite. And also, he doesn’t care, so neither should you.

saraclara · 28/05/2022 16:44

You seem to want things both ways. You've taken a step back from them, yet you expect them to acknowledge someone who is not a friend of the groom?
I'm guessing that your father has not taken a step back. And there is far more reason for the groom to feel that he should invite his prospective father in law, than his prospective sister in law's partner who he barely knows.

SiobhanSharpe · 28/05/2022 16:58

Have I got it right - you've previously been on holiday abroad in a foursome with your sister and her fiancé?
If this was more than once it's a little odd for your DP not to get an invitation to the stag party, as i should think they know each other quite well, even if they're not close. Perhaps they're just not very keen on each other. Your partner not being bothered about it might indicate something like that.
The fact your DS is is putting pressure on you over her wedding is more concerning, is she being a bit of a bridezilla? Is that why you're stepping back? If you're having doubts about the whole maid of honour role perhaps consider whether you would feel better if you stepped down completely, unless it would make things worse for you.

SpiderVersed · 28/05/2022 17:03

They aren’t mates, so why would he be invited on the stag do?

It sounds like you’re looking for a reason to be offended.

Caterina99 · 28/05/2022 17:07

If it was my family then I’d be a bit hurt because we are pretty close. My brother went to DH stag do and we see them regularly.

However my DH’s brother is getting married next year. We get on perfectly fine with them, but we’re not close and don’t live nearby. I definitely am not expecting an invite to his fiancés hen do, although I assume my mil would be invited.

wonkylegs · 28/05/2022 17:11

I didn't invite my SIL to my hen do and she didn't invite me to hers ( we get on fine and holidayed together with the family before and after marriage) just isn't the done thing in our friendship circles - mind you, parent's wouldn't be invited either
DH didn't invite any of my brothers or his sisters DH to his and vice versa
It's fairly normal for lots of people not to invite family. My sister was only invited because she was a bridesmaid but frankly I think she wished she hadn't (we are very different and I'm quite a bit older than her)

Rheeso · 28/05/2022 17:52

Weddings bring out all sorts of shit, just smile, nod & move on.

coffeecupsandfairylights · 28/05/2022 17:58

I can't imagine being bothered by this.

If they're not friends, why would your DP be invited?

LetitiaLeghorn · 28/05/2022 17:58

Cattenberg · 28/05/2022 15:41

My sister didn’t invite me her hen do, even though I was her bridesmaid. When I asked her about it, she just said she just wanted it to be her friends. Cheers, sis!

😲 😂 😂

Ooo, Cattenburg, thats a bit rough. What a cheek. Sisters, eh. Mind you. I've just went out to lunch with mine and she produced an agenda of things we needed to discuss. 😏

Ohdoleavemealone · 28/05/2022 18:24

YABU.
He invited your dad out of obligation I expect. He is marrying into his family. Your partner is nothing to do with it. If it was your brothers stag I would be more inclined to expect an invite. But not your siblings- partners stag!

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