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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour has truly annoyed us

61 replies

Cheeseandbiscuits2 · 28/05/2022 08:04

Me and DP don't live together, so this has happened at her house. Her NDN garden backs onto her garden and in lockdown they removed their garden panel and the neighbour next to them so they could sit in their gardens and talk. Anyway after lockdown they put a panel back but I was much smaller so could see over it.

Anyway the other day my DP went out, came home and NDN and some other guy were in her garden, had replaced one of her fences and posts without her permission and done a total bodge job. It's higher than all the others, he's wedged some other kind of wood in a large gap, put these 3 wooden batons randomly at the bottom on the panel on her side, then he must of walked further in her garden and wedged some more wood in a panel where a gap must have been. It looks awful!!
I'm so angry for her and she's also really upset and annoyed. However she's too polite to say anything and I believe he knows that.

Aside from this he's also sent her a highly inappropriate text a few months ago which completely damaged any friendly neighbourship they had. He also has a wife who told him he was highly inappropriate too.

This man has fallen out with most of the neighbourhood and I can see why!

Albu to go knock on his door and told him to sort the fence out. Or just sort it ourselves?

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 28/05/2022 09:43

And NEVER piss about with your fences, nor get chummy with your neighbours, it is bound to turn ugly!

We are chummy with loads of our neighbours. They are all reasonable people and I can't envisage anything turning ugly here. When we replaced our fence we discussed it with our NDN first, and when the NDN on the other side replaced their fence they discussed it with us first.

I'm inclined to agree that it might be better if you went round because if he turns nasty with you, you won't have to deal with the fallout.

And why does this sleazeball have your friend's number anyway? It might be better if she blocks him.

Thelnebriati · 28/05/2022 09:46

she doesn't want to spoil the peace as she has to live here.
Please respect her wishes, and give her time to work out how to manage her neighbour. She's the one that has to live with the consequences. If you stir things up with a confrontational neighbour you won't fix the problem and she won't thank you.

User57327259 · 28/05/2022 09:58

Whether the fence is solely the DP's or shared with that neighbour the correct thing to do if they had any decency would be to start a discussion between the neighbours.
Unfortunately some people do not have common decency and would not know good manners.

stairgates · 28/05/2022 09:59

Does she have legal cover on her insurance? May be worth sending him a letter about the fence needing removing and she can replace it with her own high fence with extra trellis and barbed wire at the top

Original poster
Cheeseandbiscuits2 · 28/05/2022 10:06

stairgates · 28/05/2022 09:59

Does she have legal cover on her insurance? May be worth sending him a letter about the fence needing removing and she can replace it with her own high fence with extra trellis and barbed wire at the top

🤣 yes loving the barbed wire idea

OP posts:
DogInATent · 28/05/2022 10:56

Me and DP don't live together, so this has happened at her house. Her NDN garden backs onto her garden and in lockdown they removed their garden panel and the neighbour next to them so they could sit in their gardens and talk. Anyway after lockdown they put a panel back but I was much smaller so could see over it.

What happened to the original panel?

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 28/05/2022 11:00

Who's fence is it?
What is she annoyed about, how it looks or that they accessed her garden without telling her?
If its their fence and she just doesnt like how it looks there is nothing to be done

Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 28/05/2022 11:04

Cheeseandbiscuits2 · 28/05/2022 08:56

It made me feel more inclined to say something but she doesn't want to spoil the peace as she has to live here.

Show quote history

She doesn’t have peace though, he’s massively over stepped twice. He’s sent a sexually inappropriate text and has entered her property without permission.

maybe what you need to discuss with her is whether doing nothing is actually making it more likely he’ll cross boundaries again.

can you help her compose a text. Ideally I think you could both talk to them together but maybe a blunt text might be easier for your partner.

id be inclined to go in firm and assertive and blunt. “Given the previous inappropriate text I received from you I am unhappy with you entering my garden. If you wish to make alterations to my property or enter my garden you should only do so with my permission. If you do so without permission I will report the matter to the police”.

girlmom21 · 28/05/2022 11:04

Where's the panel they removed, if it was hers?

Why did they swap it?

Purplecatshopaholic · 28/05/2022 11:22

I do think it is she who needs to deal with this primarily, as it’s her house and her neighbours. You can’t just send your partner round when you can’t face doing something (imo anyway). If it was me, I would just go and have a chat with them! I would ensure I knew clearly where the fence boundaries are legally too, and be polite but assertive and firm. He has overstepped already, so will likely keep doing so if it’s not raised and spoken about.

diddl · 28/05/2022 11:30

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 28/05/2022 11:00

Who's fence is it?
What is she annoyed about, how it looks or that they accessed her garden without telling her?
If its their fence and she just doesnt like how it looks there is nothing to be done

If it 's their fence she can of course always put her own fence up within the boundary.

DaisyQuakeJohnson · 28/05/2022 11:33

You can't speak to them when she doesn't want you to do it. That will just cause an issue in your relationship.
You could encourage her to either pop a letter through the door. Or she could message the DW since she seems to be more reasonable and say she wants it fixed.
Or you can go round with her ... but you are obviously more confrontational than her and she has to live there so I think you need to be careful not to push her out of her comfort zone. Your relationship is more important than a fence. Follow her lead.

YetAnotherNameChange111 · 28/05/2022 12:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Cheeseandbiscuits2 · 28/05/2022 20:51

DogInATent · 28/05/2022 10:56

Me and DP don't live together, so this has happened at her house. Her NDN garden backs onto her garden and in lockdown they removed their garden panel and the neighbour next to them so they could sit in their gardens and talk. Anyway after lockdown they put a panel back but I was much smaller so could see over it.

What happened to the original panel?

We have no clue tbh. It seemed fine to us

OP posts:
Original poster
Cheeseandbiscuits2 · 28/05/2022 20:53

So we checked the title deeds today and that fence that he changed is her responsibility/boundary.
So what he has done is illegal and then also going into her garden on top of it. Not happy

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 28/05/2022 20:57

Ask for the original panel back. Then put it back,

JustTheOneSwan · 28/05/2022 20:59

Unless he installed the fence before she moved in, which is a separate argument.
She can send a polite text saying...
It appears you have changed and damaged the fence that belongs to me. The replacement panel should be x high and I will need notice so I can give you access to my garden. When will you be wanting to reinstate it? Thanks.
Etc.

YetAnotherNameChange111 · 28/05/2022 21:33

Wonder why my comment about you DP getting a backbone was deleted? How weird

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 28/05/2022 22:42

It's your DPs house. So you have no right to go barging around there.

She also needs to stand up for herself, point out it's her fence, ask him to repair the damage or reinstall the original panel and to stop sending her inappropriate texts.

He will just walk all over her if you step in.

LIZS · 28/05/2022 22:53

Cheeseandbiscuits2 · 28/05/2022 20:53

So we checked the title deeds today and that fence that he changed is her responsibility/boundary.
So what he has done is illegal and then also going into her garden on top of it. Not happy

That assumes it was not put up by ndn on his side of the boundary. Responsibility for a boundary does not necessarily equate to ownership of a fence.

DimplesToadfoot · 28/05/2022 23:04

Has she actually spoken to the wife about the inappropriate text, or is she taking his word for the fact his wife knows about it?

Original poster
Cheeseandbiscuits2 · 29/05/2022 06:32

LIZS · 28/05/2022 22:53

That assumes it was not put up by ndn on his side of the boundary. Responsibility for a boundary does not necessarily equate to ownership of a fence.

Show quote history

Apparently before she brought the house she my DP mentioned she remembered they told her the previous lady had always maintained the left and back fences and there had been no issues with neighbours. She wasn't sure if it was her actual responsibility though so we clarified yesterday

OP posts:
Original poster
Cheeseandbiscuits2 · 29/05/2022 06:34

DimplesToadfoot · 28/05/2022 23:04

Has she actually spoken to the wife about the inappropriate text, or is she taking his word for the fact his wife knows about it?

No she hasn't, so both taking his word his wife knows about it. This isn't the 1st inappropriate comment he's made to my DP either. I wasn't with her when he had made other comments to her face

OP posts:
DimplesToadfoot · 29/05/2022 12:08

I'd be telling him to fix the fence properly or the wife will be seeing the texts

girlmom21 · 29/05/2022 12:14

DimplesToadfoot · 29/05/2022 12:08

I'd be telling him to fix the fence properly or the wife will be seeing the texts

She knows about the texts and blackmail is illegal