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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is Midnight too late for a 15 year old at a party.

42 replies

katedan · 27/05/2022 21:39

Dd is 15 and in year 10, she has been invited to a party tomorrow and I offered to pick her up at 11, she believes I have ruined her life as everyone else will walk home at midnight. I feel midnight is too late and want to pick her up as she would have to walk back on her own. Please advise me if you would let her stay until midnight?

OP posts:
PugInTheHouse · 27/05/2022 21:41

At 15 I would be happy with later but definitely not walking home, cab or I would collect.

MakeItRain · 27/05/2022 21:43

I think a midnight finish for a party at 15 is fine. I'd want to know a bit about the party first eg. whether adults were present. I'd never let my dd walk home alone at that time though, I'd stay up and pick her up.

Bigbus · 27/05/2022 21:43

I also have a 15 year old in year 10. I would let her sleepover so I guess they would be up way past midnight if it was a sleepover. However, if I did let her stay until midnight then I would definitely pick her up. I very much doubt all the others are walking home alone at midnight. In my experience when my daughter says everyone else is doing something it’s rarely true! So on balance I would say yes to midnight but only if she accepts a lift back and absolutely no to walking home at that time without an adult. I hope that helps!

KarrotKake · 27/05/2022 21:46

I'd say ok to 12, but collection would be non negotiable.

titchy · 27/05/2022 21:47

I'd say midnight ok too, but pick her up!

Morechocmorechoc · 27/05/2022 21:47

11 will be embarrassing for her!! However walking home at any time alone at night is a no from me.

Dobbyismyabsolutefav · 27/05/2022 21:47

I think midnight is fine but I would insist on picking her up, no way would I allow her to walk home.

Buildingthefuture · 27/05/2022 21:48

I don’t think midnight is too late but I definitely wouldn’t be letting her walk home alone and I’m surprised that, at 15, she doesn’t see the risks In that? It’s a hundred years since I was that age, but, when I was, 4 of us would have shared a taxi and the last one out would give “two rings” on their bffs house phone (pre mobiles!) to say you were safe…..

TokyoSushi · 27/05/2022 21:49

12 fine, but not to walk home!

Ducksurprise · 27/05/2022 21:49

Would collect at midnight, mine think walking is lame, whilst this is annoying in every other part of life- it is useful for parties.
Mine have no issue when someone takes the piss for me picking then up with taking the piss back because they have to walk.

easyday · 27/05/2022 21:50

Midnight fine with collection.

Readtheroom · 27/05/2022 22:02

NO NO NO!!

Resilience · 27/05/2022 22:11

I'm with everyone else. Midnight fine. Walking home, not so.

Original poster
katedan · 27/05/2022 22:33

Thank you, I will def be picking her up but will relent to 12.

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 28/05/2022 06:12

katedan · 27/05/2022 21:39

Dd is 15 and in year 10, she has been invited to a party tomorrow and I offered to pick her up at 11, she believes I have ruined her life as everyone else will walk home at midnight. I feel midnight is too late and want to pick her up as she would have to walk back on her own. Please advise me if you would let her stay until midnight?

School holidays so midnight is fine as a one off imo.

PinkSyCo · 28/05/2022 06:17

Yes definitely compromise and tell her she can stay until midnight but that you will be picking her up.

NancyJoan · 28/05/2022 06:21

Midnight is okay if you are happy to pick her up that late. I usually go to bed between 9 and 10, so a 12am pick up is a real struggle. I will do it, on occasion, but sometimes insist on 11.

theonlygirl · 28/05/2022 08:36

Same here, midnight OK but definitely collected. Maybe you can arrange to collect her round the corner from the party house, instead of pulling up outside?

2pinkginsplease · 28/05/2022 08:42

I would compromise, she can have a later end to the party eg midnight but she still gets picked up.

Abraxan · 28/05/2022 08:44

I'd be fine with midnight at 15y.

As to walking home - who would she be walking with, how far, types of roads/streets?

Not a chance to walking home alone.
And definitely not to walking down unlit roads in dodgy could compromise and pick her up round the corner so her mates don't see you - I know teens can be very embarrassed by parents simply existing!

balalake · 28/05/2022 09:10

I'd be saying no on the grounds of ridiculous exaggeration. However your decision seems OK.

TheSandgroper · 28/05/2022 09:11

Paul Dillon darta.net.au/ recommends staying out as late as your school year. He presents to our school every year so they all get the message. So that has been my rule, dd’s friends and that’s just the way it is.

I get a few minor grumbling but no major arguments.

coffeecupsandfairylights · 28/05/2022 09:12

I'm glad you've relented OP!

Midnight is fine for a 15yo when they don't have school the next day.

PugInTheHouse · 28/05/2022 09:23

In Y11 some of the kids are potentially only 3 or 4 months off turning 17, 11pm curfew is ridiculously early for them. I think parenting based on the individual child is better rather basing it on a random time you have been told by someone who doesn't personally know your kids. Our rule with DS 16 is that we need to know before midnight what time he is coming home or if he is staying over at his friends. I always tell him to keep us informed so we know he's safe, it's not because we don't trust him. I don't want to be worrying all night about where he is. Obv in any emergency he can call any time.

underneaththeash · 28/05/2022 09:30

I wouldn't be picking up my 16 year old at midnight, I'd want to be in bed! I think you're all very nice.

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