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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel uncomfortable leaving my kids overnight?

26 replies

37GoingUnder · 27/05/2022 21:23

DH has just called me a ‘horrible c*nt’ because I’m not overjoyed about the surprise event tickets he’s bought me for my birthday which will involve my Parents in having to have our infant school aged children overnight. One of my parents has an unpredictable condition where they take seizures and have falls. I wouldn’t have minded so much had my sibling been around but they’re also at the same event and they are also now stressing. I’m very happy to look after my own kids overnight and have no expectation that anyone would ever have them, am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
saoirse31 · 27/05/2022 21:27

Ugh hate people who do stuff like this that they must know you'll be concerned about. Why couldnt he just act like an adult and talk to you? Also , given his response to you, there's one obnoxious git in your relationship and it's not you.

GordonBennetttt · 27/05/2022 21:27

Horrible cunt? I'd tell him to shove the tickets up his arse.

Redglitter · 27/05/2022 21:30

My parents went away overnight every year on their anniversary when we were children. From when we were very young. I loved it, my Grans looked after us, we had a brilliant time & my Mum & Dad brought us back a souvenir. They definitely missed us more than we missed them

Having said that, it'd be a cold day in hell before I went away with someone who called me a horrible cunt that's for sure.

Ragwort · 27/05/2022 21:35

Your DH calls you a horrible c* Shock - you've got bigger issues than whether you will leave your DC overnight.

Howabsolutelyfanfuckingtastic · 27/05/2022 21:39

Horrible c*nt......that's totally unacceptable!

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/05/2022 21:40

You can’t stay with someone who speaks to you that way. He seems to hate you.

TheCanyon · 27/05/2022 21:46

What did you say that ended in that response?

worriedaboutmoney2022 · 27/05/2022 21:46

I think event tickets are the least of your problems to be honest he sounds awful although he shouldn't be putting on your parents to have the kids if they aren't well enough to do so that's ridiculous

rnsaslkih · 27/05/2022 21:48

yanbu
presumably he knew you wouldn’t leave the small kids with elderly parents willingly? So he booked the tickets to force you into it?

RunningFromInsanity · 27/05/2022 21:54

2 separate issues. You were probably U and ungrateful about the tickets, sounds like some thought and effort has gone into it, and there is nothing wrong with grandparents looking after children.
I’m very happy to look after my own kids overnight and have no expectation that anyone would ever have them- this is weird and irrelevant.

But obviously calling you a cunt is U.

Original poster
37GoingUnder · 27/05/2022 21:54

@TheCanyon i just keep stating the facts. I would like to go to this event to be honest but I know it’s stressing everyone out including me. My DH has a beef as he thinks we should get more support with childcare, we probably should but it’s just not that simple. His parents would do more but I’m anxious leaving my kids with them as they have health problems of their own. I just feel like it’s a lot to ask under the circumstances, a night out for a few hours is fine, but overnight is too much. I feel like he should respect my wishes on this one but he’s thrown his toys out of the pram and I just think it’s ridiculous.

OP posts:
Original poster
37GoingUnder · 27/05/2022 21:58

@RunningFromInsanity why is it weird that I don’t expect anyone else to have my kids overnight? I know it would put a big strain on either set of parents, I think it might upset the kids too.

OP posts:
Notateacheranymore · 27/05/2022 22:06

“I think it might upset the kids too.“

Why? Do they not like their gp’s? When is the event? Is there not time for a few practice runs? As there are both sets of gp’s, could they not have a child each (if there are 2DC)?

The insult is another matter. Is he often this offensive or was it a poor choice to express his anger at your reaction?

Original poster
37GoingUnder · 27/05/2022 22:14

@Notateacheranymore they do like their grandparents but their grandparents only seem to like them for so long then it gets too much for them. One of my parents in particular gets very upset if they think my kids are going to do anything to mess up their house which is kept like a show home. I find this hard to understand and it hurts me but DH doesn’t need to turn the screw does he?

OP posts:
Original poster
37GoingUnder · 27/05/2022 22:19

@Notateacheranymore i should also say my kids aren’t particularly badly behaved. They have their moments but they’re not totally unreasonable.

OP posts:
Anonymous48 · 27/05/2022 22:22

You are unreasonable for having married someone with the capacity to say that to his wife.

autienotnaughty · 27/05/2022 22:27

Firstly not nice that he booked this without checking. Surprises are great but only if your sure the other person will love it otherwise they are pushy. Awful what he said, I'd be dealing with that before any decision made on wether you go. But if your not comfortable I wouldn't go. You won't enjoy it if you are worrying.

AliceW89 · 27/05/2022 22:28

It sounds like he’s trying to force your hand. He thinks you should leave the kids more with the grandparents so is putting you on the spot to do so, under the pretence of a ‘thoughtful birthday gift’. I wouldn’t be going anywhere with someone who called me a c*nt to be honest.

Notateacheranymore · 27/05/2022 22:29

Kids are kids, OP.

As for the GP’s problem, I can understand your reservations. If the event wasn’t for another 6-12 months, I’d be having thoughts like “they can grow up and mature a lot in that amount of time” BUT I’d also be thinking “6-12 months can result in a lot of health changes for already compromised people”

Honestly? I have no idea what I’d do.

Tillsforthrills · 27/05/2022 22:34

Ragwort · 27/05/2022 21:35

Your DH calls you a horrible c* Shock - you've got bigger issues than whether you will leave your DC overnight.

This

2022sucksalready · 27/05/2022 22:38

Honestly op, if he’s known this is how you feel about it, then he’s the one being a horrible cunt, as he’s clearly tried to push you into a corner and make it difficult to say no by buying these tickets and trying to pass them off as a nice surprise for your birthday. They aren’t are they, so he’s a cock.

Would you buy him something you knew would upset him? No? thought not.

I’d honestly tell him to stick them where the sun doesn’t shine, or at least suggest he take a friend. Also you need to make sure he understands what a total, utter wanker this makes him if you want to keep him around.

GoodJanetBadJanet · 27/05/2022 23:29

You're entitled to feel anxious about leaving your children overnight. It's only natural.
He should be reassuring you there?
Not calling you a horrible c**t.
WTF
sounds like some thought and effort has gone into it, and there is nothing wrong with grandparents looking after children
Of course there is nothing wrong with that, but OP says One of my parents has an unpredictable condition where they take seizures and have falls.
I'd be anxious too

ThreeLittleDots · 27/05/2022 23:30

Hello? Aren't you more concerned about the emotional safety of your children growing up under the same roof as a verbally abusive bully?!

My husband would be out of my house on his ass if he ever dared to be so disrespectful and disgusting towards me!

Snowflakes1122 · 27/05/2022 23:37

Does he talk to you like this often? It’s just you seem to be focusing on the leaving yourself kids overnight not, rather than the fact he called you a horrible c**t😳

bloodyunicorns · 27/05/2022 23:52

So your h booked the tickets without asking anyone to have the Dc, while knowing the issues in the way? Then he calls you a horrible cunt?

Wow. What a dick.

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