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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pretty concerned by this?

79 replies

thaimoon · 27/05/2022 19:37

On holiday in a seaside resort with DH and DD (nearly 2).

Found a quieter part of the beach and I was just wondering in and out of the sea with DD who was pottering and filling her bucket/picking up shells etc.

DH (who was swimming a bit further out) nodded to the shore where I saw a man, about 35-40, on his own, dressed in jeans and a jumper (not at all holiday clothes) just standing and staring at us.

He was standing pretty close to us- just standing and smiling. There was something about the way he just stood and looked though, that made me feel it was not quite right. Can't quite put it into words except to say it didn't feel like he was looking for a conversation, and it certainly didn't feel natural to wave and smile back.

He just stood until DH came a little closer to me and DD and then he walked off.
We watched him and he kept looking back over his shoulder until he went into a house along the shore line (still very close to the beach).

Then we spotted him a few mins later lurking in the shade of the porch in the house and just staring at us.

We thought it was weird behaviour and a little unsettling but continued what we had been doing until I saw him come back out, walk in the other direction along the beach, call someone on his phone and then point at us. Well, that was it for us and we got up and left.

But- AIBU to think that was very strange?! I've been trying to think of what it could have all been about and can't come up with anything (well I admit I've thought of a few pretty sinister things but know those would be rare).

OP posts:
Original poster
thaimoon · 27/05/2022 20:37

JayAlfredPrufrock · 27/05/2022 20:32

Jeans and a jumper?

How unusual.

Grin
OP posts:
ancientgran · 27/05/2022 20:39

We live near a beach, wearing jeans and jumper when out for a walk isn't unusual, we don't permanently live in holiday/beach clothes so I don't think that matters.

He might have been up to no good but could just as easily know something about that bit of beach, there could be a reason it is quiet, and he was considering warning you e.g. on our beach there is a water outlet pipe that runs into the sea if drains are overflowing and people often let their children play there, as a local you are in a bit of a conundrum as you think maybe they don't know it isn't nice clean water but if you say something people can get nasty.

I guess we will never know. Hope you enjoy your holiday.

Original poster
thaimoon · 27/05/2022 20:40

Goingforarun · 27/05/2022 20:37

Are you famous?

Oh yes
Forgot to mention I am an a list celeb 💧

OP posts:
whynotwhatknot · 27/05/2022 20:40

Maybe he was calling the coastguard?

Octomore · 27/05/2022 20:40

luxxlisbon · 27/05/2022 19:58

Let’s face it, everyone will jump to him being a possible molester, kidnapper etc but the much more likely scenario is that he was just enjoying a little glimpse of young family life, maybe his kids are older and it reminded him of them. He was most likely not lurking in the shadows but enjoying some time on his own beach front porch. I mean why else do you live in a beach front house other than to soak up the view!

This.

Wearing normal clothes at the beach is normal. Why sould he wear holiday clothes if he's not on holiday? What even ARE "holiday clothes"?

And being on his porch and looking at the beach view is also normal. It's a nice view.

And your description of the phone call makes no sense.

Original poster
thaimoon · 27/05/2022 20:44

@Octomore

You are so right.

I guess I just thought most people were wearing shorts and T-shirt since it's approx 35 degrees and he was the odd one out. But of course they are pretty normal clothes really- you're right.

And yes, he was most likely just enjoying the view of us 3 on the beach having fun.

As I've said- I'm reassured now. Thank you

OP posts:
Octomore · 27/05/2022 20:46

It did not feel like someone with grown family admiring a scene as he was too young looking for that.

I'm too young to have a grown family, and often walk/sit in my local beauty spots admiring the view. (I live in a national park, plenty of tourists visit). I even smile and say hello to people I see, and I'm not usually wearing "holiday clothes".

Clearly I'm a psychopath looking for children to steal to order. 🤔

Newsflash: not everyone in a tourist area will be on holiday, and that's perfectly normal.

Octomore · 27/05/2022 20:47

X post!

Tbh, I'm more shocked by the respondent who made that suggestion about children being stolen to order. What level of paranoia must some people live with?

Original poster
thaimoon · 27/05/2022 20:48

Octomore · 27/05/2022 20:46

It did not feel like someone with grown family admiring a scene as he was too young looking for that.

I'm too young to have a grown family, and often walk/sit in my local beauty spots admiring the view. (I live in a national park, plenty of tourists visit). I even smile and say hello to people I see, and I'm not usually wearing "holiday clothes".

Clearly I'm a psychopath looking for children to steal to order. 🤔

Newsflash: not everyone in a tourist area will be on holiday, and that's perfectly normal.

Another great point, thanks

OP posts:
littleburn · 27/05/2022 20:48

I'm going to go against the grain and say a man standing close to and staring/smiling at you and your child for an ongoing period of time is odd behaviour and I'd be unsettled by it. Interesting that he only moved on when it became apparent your DH was with you.

Doesn't necessarily mean he's looking to kidnap a kid to order! But a man behaving like that would bother and unsettle me too.

HewasH2O · 27/05/2022 21:05

Men live in coastal properties. Sometimes women do too. Not all houses on the seafront have to be holiday homes. Not all men are looking for small children to eat for dinner.

LIZS · 27/05/2022 21:13

So he was moving his hand while talking on the phone. Do you never fidget or gesture while doing so? I doubt any of this was directed at you or your dd.m

WulyJmpr · 27/05/2022 21:15

I think you did the right thing watching out for your child. You're a good mum.

Johnnysgirl · 27/05/2022 21:16

WulyJmpr · 27/05/2022 21:15

I think you did the right thing watching out for your child. You're a good mum.

Eh?

Kinneddar · 27/05/2022 21:16

I'd think child stealing paedophiles would be a bit more discreet than to stand & look for victims100 yards from his house

I'm surprised noones suggested calling 101 yet

thevanilla · 27/05/2022 21:23

Newmumatlast · 27/05/2022 19:48

That would concern me that he was looking for kids to order but I'm paranoid. Better to be paranoid than a target though

oh come ON

Womencanlift · 27/05/2022 21:24

While I do think you have nothing to worry about OP, I do think IF he was up to something dodgy he COULD have been pointing you out to someone he was speaking to on the phone who was nearby. Far enough away to need to have a conversation on the phone but close enough that they could also see the beach

The chances of anything happening are small but think it’s wise to have your wits about you and not completely dismiss the man’s behaviour

theemmadilemma · 27/05/2022 21:35

I'm 46, don't want my own children, don't particularly enjoy them, but, I might well watch a happy family playing on the beach and think it's lovely, for them! Nothing weird in that.

Original poster
thaimoon · 27/05/2022 21:43

theemmadilemma · 27/05/2022 21:35

I'm 46, don't want my own children, don't particularly enjoy them, but, I might well watch a happy family playing on the beach and think it's lovely, for them! Nothing weird in that.

Yes of course, and I don't think I would think you were weird if I saw you. I am quite used to people smiling kindly and looking at us as a family and I will often smile back and encourage my dd to wave or something. That's totally normal and feels normal, and nice!

As I said, it's hard to put these types of experiences into words but this felt different - more intense- and made both of us feel uncomfortable. My DH is not one to be melodramatic even if I am.

Anyway I have taken on board everyone's comments and am happy to accept that it was most likely nothing

OP posts:
Onwards22 · 27/05/2022 22:10

He could have been a weirdo but usually those who are dangerous aren’t obvious about it.
It’s the ones who don’t act suspicious or the family or friends that are usually the ones to look out for.

I do believe in gut instinct though and you should always listen to it.

I live in Cornwall and will walk on the beach in jeans and a jumper so it sounds like he was a local who was working rather than a predator that would try and fit in.

Johnnysgirl · 27/05/2022 22:18

It's not weird to walk along a beach, or even to stand on one watching the sea?
My local NextDoor forum was abuzz shortly after lockdown ended because a woman was standing in a corner of the local park.
Just standing, not approaching anyone, not doing anything at all but standing there suspiciously
The poor woman had probably been trapped in a flat for months 🤷🏻‍♀️
It's depressing the motives people ascribe to perfectly innocuous behaviour sometimes.

JayAlfredPrufrock · 27/05/2022 22:35

35 degrees? Wtf are you?

lemmein · 27/05/2022 22:41

Well, everyone seems to be relaxed about this but I wouldn't be! Yes, it's rare for abductions to happen but they do happen. Men should have more awareness than linger around lone women and children - how intimidating? Fuck off, we don't need an audience.

When my kids were little I was walking up a pathway in the park with my 2 DDs and a man stood at the top of the path, in the middle, just staring - Michael Myers style Shock No reason that I could see for him to do that, he didn't have a dog, etc with him, just stood there like a fucking weirdo! I came off the path and cut across the field to avoid walking past him.

Could be nothing OP but it would definitely unsettle me - some men get off with making women uncomfortable, I'm quite surprised by the responses you've got tbh.

Ducksinthebath · 27/05/2022 22:52

JayAlfredPrufrock · 27/05/2022 22:35

35 degrees? Wtf are you?

You do know there are seaside resorts in many countries right?

Threelionsandalioness · 27/05/2022 22:56

This is so close to a post I was going to write yesterday op,I was so unnerved and still am to be honest so much so we are leaving in the morning cutting our holiday 4 days short.
We are in jaywick and it's the most unnerving eerie place that we have been.
Such a shame as the beach/seafront is beautiful,the locals not so much.