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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think £100k household income is enough

122 replies

Olive180 · 27/05/2022 00:32

A friend told me tonight that her and her partner have decided not to have kids, mainly because they can't afford to. Even though they're earning £102k a year between them.

Just for background: they own a 3 bed flat together with a £1000-ish per month mortgage (at least she mentioned that's how much it was a year ago) and they aren't big spenders, not into flashy stuff, quite homely and humble. She's very eco friendly/minimalist and buys stuff second hand when she can. So I don't think they're frittering their money away or anything.

Can you really not raise a family well on £100k a year? They do live in London zone 6.

OP posts:
Arenanewbie · 27/05/2022 00:39

I think you can but she clearly disagrees, none of us is right or wrong - it very much depends on how you plan to do this.

Antarcticant · 27/05/2022 00:40

Bear in mind you don't know the full extent of their finances - they might have debt (e.g. student loans) on top of their mortgage.

It's also possible that 'we can't afford it' might be one of several reasons, or a smokescreen for a private reason to remain childfree. I am childfree for a myriad of reasons, some of them very sensitive and personal. I wouldn't want to go through them all, if for some reason I felt I had to explain my decision, so I would probably pick whichever reason was likely to be most straightforward in the context of the conversation.

Lampan · 27/05/2022 00:47

Maybe they have sensibly realised that they wouldn’t be able to have kids and raise them in the way they would ideally choose to, or would have to make some sacrifices that they are not prepared to make. They probably have other reasons too, perhaps ones they don’t want to discuss.

nokidshere · 27/05/2022 00:48

It's so boring all this fake 'I can't understand why others can't manage when I live on 20k a year and have a mortgage and 12 children' stuff.

What's difficult to understand that people have a lifestyle they like, or that they have massive commitments, or a gambling problem, or they don't want to lose that 100+k a year to take maternity leave or pay childcare fees.

All that matters is that you look after your own family and finances as you see fit and don't worry about what others are doing with theirs.

Stompythedinosaur · 27/05/2022 00:50

I'd assume they don't want kids and find this the most socially acceptable way of telling people.

Of course they could afford it, but they don't want to enough to accept the sacrafices that would be involved.

Nothing wrong with that.

SlightlyGeordieJohn · 27/05/2022 00:52

Olive180 · 27/05/2022 00:32

A friend told me tonight that her and her partner have decided not to have kids, mainly because they can't afford to. Even though they're earning £102k a year between them.

Just for background: they own a 3 bed flat together with a £1000-ish per month mortgage (at least she mentioned that's how much it was a year ago) and they aren't big spenders, not into flashy stuff, quite homely and humble. She's very eco friendly/minimalist and buys stuff second hand when she can. So I don't think they're frittering their money away or anything.

Can you really not raise a family well on £100k a year? They do live in London zone 6.

Our child care bill is £42,000 per year in London. The commute to work is £10 per day each, so that’s £5,000 per year too.

A decent flat is half a million pounds, so assuming a 20% deposit and 25 year term at 2,5% that’s £1,800 per month, or £21,000 per year.

We can just stop there really. Living, having the children looked after, and paying the mortgage on a flat comes to £68,000 per year of after-tax income in a London suburb. Two people on £50,000 each will take home £74,000 in total.

So yes, it’s very possible to be on £100k a year in London and find that things are a bit tight.

drivetosurvive · 27/05/2022 00:59

Oh what a boring topic, that will just bring out people dying to brag about their finances.

it’s your friends decision and impacts you in no such way.

Just mind your own business beaky.

lassof · 27/05/2022 01:28

Maybe they just meant 'we don't want to sacrifice our current lifestyle' rather than 'literally we would be in debt if we did' ... which sounds more likely?
Can't say I blame them really

MoodyTwo · 27/05/2022 01:33

I was always told, you can always afford children
However, I don't think you can ever afford them
You will always loose something
-money on childcare
-time to yourself/your family
-your prospects of promotion
Affording may not just mean money, and may be a front for other reasons ...
Or maybe they wanted to say it's none of your business why they don't want children
All very valid points

Luredbyapomegranate · 27/05/2022 02:27

I presume they mean they can’t maintain their lifestyle and have kids. And that’s fair enough.

helloaibu · 27/05/2022 02:34

Maybe they can’t and this is an easier way of saying it. Anyone can chose not to for any reason they like as well.

shivawn · 27/05/2022 05:03

Luredbyapomegranate · 27/05/2022 02:27

I presume they mean they can’t maintain their lifestyle and have kids. And that’s fair enough.

This is my thinking too.

Simonjt · 27/05/2022 05:39

They may mean they don’t want to sacrifice their lifestyle.

I was earning less than that as a single parent when I bought my flat in zone 1.

headofpotsandpans · 27/05/2022 05:39

Well it's up to them really isn't it? I.e. none of your business.

coffeecupsandfairylights · 27/05/2022 05:54

We say we can't afford children.

What we actually mean is - "we don't want to sacrifice our current lifestyle and work/life balance enough to have kids."

sst1234 · 27/05/2022 05:56

Enough for what? To give your children more than just the basics. Or to give them everything that modern life has to offer? Depends what you want for your children.

BalloonsAndWhistles · 27/05/2022 06:04
  1. How does this affect you?
  2. Maybe they are actually infertile and are pretending they don’t want kids when actually they really, really do.
Waxonwaxoff0 · 27/05/2022 06:19

Anyone on that money can afford children with some lifestyle rejigging. They probably just don't want to have them.

Thebeastofsleep · 27/05/2022 06:27

People who don't want kids often feel so judged for it have to invent reasons for not having them. Just not wanting them should be enough.

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 27/05/2022 06:37

Of course you can if you choose to. But for whatever reason they are choosing not to. I’m sure they have their reasons and that’s ok.

Libertybear80 · 27/05/2022 06:40

Maybe she's made something up because she knows you're the type to go stick all her personal stuff on Mumsnet!

ImplementingTheDennisSystem · 27/05/2022 06:43

We're not on £100k, but we're very comfortable - and finances are a huge part of why DH and I haven't had kids.
It's not that we can't afford one, but we've always focused on keeping our outgoings low because of the freedom it brings.
Our mortgage has only ever been a maximum of £600 a month, so for us the idea of spending £1000 a month on childcare (which is what it would cost us with no family help nearby) is totally obscene. I find it almost an immoral amount of money to spend - the system is broken and we would rather opt out of it completely.

Oblomov22 · 27/05/2022 06:47

I don't think it's true/the real reason. If she really really wanted kids, more than anything else, and she could conceive, she could make plans to make this happen. She could get another job, move, rent out her flat. None easy, none that you can do tomorrow, but mostly doable, say over a year, if you really really put your mind to it, and wanted it More than anything and was prepared to sacrifice loads of other things to make it happen.

grapewines · 27/05/2022 06:51

They probably don't want kids and are saying this to stop the inevitable "but why??" questions. You should mind your own really.

Mally100 · 27/05/2022 06:54

grapewines · 27/05/2022 06:51

They probably don't want kids and are saying this to stop the inevitable "but why??" questions. You should mind your own really.

This! imagine going and starting a thread about it too!