To think £100k household income is enough

[Olive180]

A friend told me tonight that her and her partner have decided not to have kids, mainly because they can't afford to. Even though they're earning £102k a year between them.

Just for background: they own a 3 bed flat together with a £1000-ish per month mortgage (at least she mentioned that's how much it was a year ago) and they aren't big spenders, not into flashy stuff, quite homely and humble. She's very eco friendly/minimalist and buys stuff second hand when she can. So I don't think they're frittering their money away or anything.

Can you really not raise a family well on £100k a year? They do live in London zone 6.

Wow. I'm glad I'm not in London!
My childcare bill is a fantastic nanny and overall costs us 25k per year i think.

Remember between them they will be paying about £30K in tax and NI.

After mortgage, pensions, council tax, gas, electric and food that £100K goes down a lot.

But maybe they have fertility problems or don't want kids and just don't want to discuss it with you.

We stopped at 1 because we wanted to make sure he didn’t go short financially but I always laughed off. the cheeky questions about having a second by saying “No we won’t because we’ve found out where we were going wrong” which usually got the message across amicably

Even if the reasons are purely financial, good on them making a conscious choice. How often are there comments on here to the effect that, having encountered financial or relationship issues, someone shouldn’t have had more children or any at all. And given the way the economy is going generally, £100k certainly isn’t going to go as far as it used to, or maybe one has an insecure job so really they’re budgeting on £50k or less. Maybe they live in an area with terrible schools so private is the only option?

Or more likely they know the OP is a bit judgemental (otherwise why would she share private information on the internet and ask strangers to pick it apart) and preferred to give a vague answer in relation to a very personal and entirely subjective issue.

@oblada oh wow so cheap. London is 45k per year for a nanny but still cheaper than two kids at private nursery five days a week. Most mortgages around 15-24k per year so 100k doesn't go far at all.

I think people are really scared at the moment about everything that's happening in the world. I wouldn't bring children in to it to be honest if I was making the decision now

maybe it’s being used as an excuse maybe they just want to keep their lifestyle, one of them wants children they other doesn’t, maybe they have been trying and resigned themselves as not being able to have children

i wouldn’t question it and just accept what your friend is telling you

not everyone wants to be a parent

After tax, £100k a year doesn't feel like a lot. I imagine especially in London. As other pp have said, the cost of living is going up exponentially and they must be taking this into consideration. Everyone in this country knows childcare isn't cheap (I believe it's the third most expensive system in the world?) and there are many campaigns by charities such as pregnant then screwed and people such as the motherpukka to have this reviewed to help struggling families but also just all families as the costs are becoming prohibitive.

I also agree with other pp who have said that the associated costs of a child can bring the quality of life for a family down and if that's something they aren't willing to lose as yet, then that's their prerogative and choice. They may want to save and move to a bigger home first, focus on promotions at work, beef up savings for maternity and a whole host of other "reasons" before TTC. Again, that is completely fine as it's their choice and really shouldn't offend or concern you OP.

Again, agree with other pp who have said they could be struggling. I know a few couples who are and when they are asked my nosey parkers, they make up excuses because it is a very emotive and sensitive topic. Have we not yet learnt not to ask people about their choices as many people suffer with infertility including secondary infertility? It's noones business but theirs, and they definitely shouldn't be judged.

sunja £100k before of after tax is a huge amount compared to the majority of us living in London we manage on far less (though this is becoming a struggle for many)

many living in London are on around £22k we are not all above average earners

Maybe they don't want kids ? I'd imagine some people replying to this with anecdotes about not being broody at 35 but broody at 38 or something.

Maybe they like things the way they are?

Maybe they can't afford to raise a child how they'd like? So private schools (£30k pa)

Maybe there's a medical reason like infertility or genetic illness in their family?

I don’t think having children should be a privilege that only wealthy people can afford

but I do think that people should think a bit more about how they can fund those children and take steps to make sure they are financially able to before doing so. A lot of these wealthy people are wealthy because they put careers before children then had children a bit later to ensure some financial stability. I think it’s really sensible to do this, especially if you’re a woman and can secure yourself good earning prospects in the case you split from your husband.

I have a total income of just over half of that and have twins and we are comfortable financially although I no longer spend any money on myself . When they were in nursery the fees were over a 1000 per month, you make compromises and you manage wouldn’t change anything for the world. Although admittedly live in the North

The real reasons they don't want children may be private and she uses the cost as an easy thing to say.

When people ask me why I don't have children I say it's because I'm too lazy. Clearly that's not really why but it stops the conversation!

No one has to have kids or justify not wanting them.

They do cost a lot of money

Of course, technically they could afford them but they obviously don't want to sacrifice their income

That’s about the same as us, we won’t be having another because of costs. Between mortgage (we live in a nice area, detached 4 bed, it’s not massive), car payments, fuel, food, all baby items, the insurances it’s a big stretch and not much left over these days!

It depends on what she means , our joint income is slightly less than theirs and mortgage similar, but we live in the home countries not in London itself. As shorthand I might say we're sticking with one because we can't afford a second. That's not true, we can't afford the lifestyle we want for us and the opportunities we want to provide for any offspring if we have another. Of course we can physically afford more if you look at it in a black and white way, but we choose not to tighten our belts any more than we have. Also can't be bothered to justify the ins and outs of our decision making, so easier to say this.

but I do think that people should think a bit more about how they can fund those children and take steps to make sure they are financially able to before doing so.

People are doing that hence the shocking drop in birth rates & why we actually need more immigrants.

No-one knows, because it depends on their out goings, life style commitments. Perhaps they owe alot of debt. Maybe they simply don't want to sacrifice their standard of living, e.g gym memberships, clothing/salon expenditures, meals/drinks out, holidays etc.

Obviously they just don't want kids

If they really wanted kids, they could have them. Obviously vast majority of parents earn less than that and manage.

Money might not be the reason. There may be another reason they aren't telling you about.

This!

Many women of a certain age, get fed up having to justify why they don't have children. People either get offended at the reason you give or try to convince you that you're wrong.

Perhaps you could just accept that your friend doesn't want children (or doesn't want them right now) and that she doesn't have to explain herself.

I think it could well be an easy answer to the question when the real reason is something personal that they don’t want to share.

I have some friends who have chosen not to have children because he has an inherited health condition which means that it is highly likely that his life will be much shorter than average. Plus there is a high chance that they would pass the condition on to any children. But they generally tell people that they can’t afford children.

Yes - for some reason people often don't consider that it's not appropriate to ask why someone doesn't have children. As a child free person it's usual to have a stock range of answers to shut the conversation down quickly, without seeming rude.