Page 14 | To not understand claims that life admin is 'not a thing'

LabradorsInThePond · 2022-05-26T11:15:27+00:00

I keep reading this on MN threads about organisation, time management etc. And that the life admin tasks of renewing insurances and checking mortgage rates can't take up that much time. But I spend a huge amount of time in the throes of life admin. We live a pretty normal, busy family life. I work 4 days in a professional role and can easily spend the 5th day (or at least half of it) in the throes of dreaded life admin. My list tomorrow extends to twenty three separate items. None of which involve renewing insurances, but they do include buying clothing items (Scout shirt etc.), paying instrument hire, photocopying medical reports for school, booking airport parking, collecting worming tablets, booking a restaurant, buying zoo tickets, arranging a delivery of flowers for mum's birthday, an online grocery shop, buying a thank you gift, arranging a birthday party, booking a roofer, buying new windscreen wipers, emailing the GP, updating kids' Nimbl cards, finding a way to teach DS about dividing decimals, paying various people online etc. None of these are yearly tasks, and next week there will be another 23 items to complete. It is relentless. DH does most of the house and long-term financial admin and he's also executing his father's too-complicated will, which makes my 23 items look like peanuts. Do we just have an over-committed life, or does anyone one else find (what others consider non-existent) life admin burdensome and time-consuming? What am I doing wrong here?

ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave · 26/05/2022 22:09

CoralPaperweight · 26/05/2022 16:46

I think a lot of people on this thread are underestimating how long things actually take to resolve fully. I have constant lists on the go.

As an example it took me three calls to actually get through to the opticians then I needed to resolve the issue (15 mins). I tried to cancel a service I no longer use - phone call was not good enough they need it in writing Transferring money - additional bank security checks and iffy wifi meant something that should've taken 5 minutes took 15.

You must realise that everybody on this thread will have booked medical appointments and made bank transfers before, right? We know exactly how long it takes.

Kanaloa · 26/05/2022 22:12

KarenOLantern · 26/05/2022 22:04

Serious question to all these people who claim to be able to buy gifts in 2 minutes flat (we'll say 5 minutes, because that's how long even the quickest online purchase takes, unless it's a repeat order or something. And that's not even counting having to create a new account and enter all your details, go and find your bank card etc. when you buy from a shop you've never bought from before. But I digress) My question is:

Do you always just know immediately what you're going to buy without having to think or search or browse at all? Do you not have to spend ages thinking about what the person might want, browsing for ideas, checking if other websites have anything similar, weighing up the pros and cons of each, calculating if your budget can stretch to the nicer one, sit there agonising over whether the recipient will actually like it, second-guess yourself, ask your partner for their opinion, bookmark it then leave it a day or two, make up your mind, log back into the website, second-guess yourself some more and THEN press "purchase"?

Well… no. Maybe for a Christmas present for DH once a year. But for birthday party gifts? No. I think ‘ooh Maisie’s party on Saturday. I’ll ask dd what she likes and pick up a toy or a gift card at Asda when I’m doing the shopping.’

I wouldn’t agonise over it/ask DH’s opinion/check multiple websites/second guess myself. I’d ask my child, remember that they said ‘Maisie likes the avengers’ and pick up an Iron Man doll at the toy store while getting my weekly shop. If she already has an Iron Man she can pretend this is one of his minion suits or make them fight each other.

coffeecupsandfairylights · 26/05/2022 22:13

KarenOLantern · 26/05/2022 22:04

Serious question to all these people who claim to be able to buy gifts in 2 minutes flat (we'll say 5 minutes, because that's how long even the quickest online purchase takes, unless it's a repeat order or something. And that's not even counting having to create a new account and enter all your details, go and find your bank card etc. when you buy from a shop you've never bought from before. But I digress) My question is:

Do you always just know immediately what you're going to buy without having to think or search or browse at all? Do you not have to spend ages thinking about what the person might want, browsing for ideas, checking if other websites have anything similar, weighing up the pros and cons of each, calculating if your budget can stretch to the nicer one, sit there agonising over whether the recipient will actually like it, second-guess yourself, ask your partner for their opinion, bookmark it then leave it a day or two, make up your mind, log back into the website, second-guess yourself some more and THEN press "purchase"?

I honestly don't do any of that

I think "Oh, it's Jane's birthday coming up - she likes gin and cake" and go to an online shop I know sells gin and cake, order it and get it delivered.

That's literally it, lol.

Kanaloa · 26/05/2022 22:14

And as for entering your details and ‘going to find your bank card’ I don’t find it extra difficult to type my name and address and I always know where my bank card is - it’s in my purse. And I have four kids with good legs to get it for me. My purse is the only thing in the house my kids will rush to get.

Testina · 26/05/2022 22:15

@KarenOLantern I’ve not claimed to buy gifts in 5 minutes but I can certainly say no to all that additional work around it that you describe!

Some presents take longer to buy than others - husband’s 50th might need more thought than yet another craft kit / board game for an 8yo birthday! But generally, I have an idea of what to get instantly and if I don’t, I have some generics - like a thank you gift for most adults: gluten free vegan brownies, delivered.

The thinking isn’t dedicated time running up my life admin clock either - multitasked with driving to school, for example.

Cuckoo48 · 26/05/2022 22:15

I like those sorts of activities. They're life aren't they? Maybe a change of mindset is needed.

I like doing them too. But they still take up a lot of time. I don't start work until 10am and I often feel like I've already run a marathon of errands by the time I actually get there.

Rosehugger · 26/05/2022 22:19

Google remembers my card details, or I use PayPal or GPay. Bloody annoying when I do have to go and find the card.

Kendodd · 26/05/2022 22:21

God, good luck finding a roofer! That one job alone took me hours and hours of phone call to find anyone who'd even come and have a look.

Swimmingpoolsally · 26/05/2022 22:22

You absolutely must have space in your evenings op. There is no way you simply can’t do most of this stuff throughout the week, it takes five mins to buy flowers or zoo tickets max,

I wonder if you feel you need to justify your one day off and pretend to be busy? You say you write a long list, it’s your role and your husband has more.

do you save it all up and write a big list of normal stuff so it looks like you’re busy on your day off? Do you feel you need to justify working only four days a week so do this to justify it?

because most of the stuff you wrote is the normal day to day and you have some items that are clearly one offs or irregular events. So it feels like you’re trying to big it up for some reason.

StillUp · 26/05/2022 22:27

RunIsAFourLetterWord · 26/05/2022 21:48

I find this really interesting.

I think it's a combination of things. Some people definitely struggle with the organisational aspects of life, be it through being Neuro Divergent, having mental health issues, or raised in a house where being on top of the organisational aspects of life just wasn't modelled to them (my mental health issues definitely caused me to struggle with daily tasks, thankfully I'm doing much better now).

Some people are really organised and on top of everything, maybe because that's just how they naturally are, maybe because they were raised in a house where it was modelled, maybe it doesn't come naturally so they try very hard to make lists and charts and calendars in order to stay on top of things.

Some people struggle due to physical health problems, I know when mine were really bad, getting up to feed the cats, or receive a delivery, or even go for a piss, felt overwhelming and impossible sometimes.

Some just like to be martyrs to being busy. My Dad (great as he is), for example, is like this. We were visiting last weekend, he was getting ready to powerhose the drive. So a cup of tea beforehand while he listed all the steps. 'Well I'll have to walk across the garden to the shed, unlock it, find the hose, take it out of the box it's stored in, carry it down the garden, around the side of the house and through the side gate, lock the gate behind me. Then run an extension lead from the house to plug it in to. Then turn it on, and hose every inch of the drive. Then do it all in reverse', big sigh. A huge list of steps for essentially 'get the hose and use it on the drive'. He seems to think that there is great virtue to being busy, and he'll absolutely turn a regular task into a huge palaver to make sure he's busy enough.

Sorry, I'm rambling. I guess some people take 'life admin' in their stride, think nothing of it and get it done without a moment of stress. Some struggle with it but manage to get it done. Others find it more difficult for a variety of reasons, and surely that's okay?

I wrote very similar to this and then MN randomly refreshed and I lost it all 🙄. You’ve articulated it better than me though.

It’s completely down to personality I think. Naturally I’m quite untidy and a procrastinator. I used to feel overwhelmed with ‘life admin’ which I’d allowed to mount up, and every task seemed like a big deal. I’m much better now, as when I had DC I was determined to change. I didn’t want to spend hours on housework and making hard work of day to day life. I wanted to spend as much quality time as possible with DC, while being calm and organised and in control. I’ve really had to train myself, read lots of books/MN posts for tips. I’m certainly not perfect, but I’m better. I do now find myself reading some of the examples people are giving and thinking “really? That takes seconds”. But old me would have been nodding along.

Calafsidentity · 26/05/2022 22:33

Kendodd · 26/05/2022 22:21

God, good luck finding a roofer! That one job alone took me hours and hours of phone call to find anyone who'd even come and have a look.

Same here KenDodd I'm on my third tradesman. Very time consuming.

bakewellbride · 26/05/2022 22:37

Yanbu, dh is luckily amazing at life admin so it's not so bad for me but I still do loads - we both do. Buying school uniform, making lists / keeping on top of what to buy, running our car, running our home, buying presents for ds' friend's birthday and a friend of mine who is having a baby, sorting out ds' social life as he is a preschooler, booking to get newborn dd weighed at the baby clinic, booking my Smear test, my eye test, my baby's jabs, filling in a ton of paperwork for my son starting school, making a plan for our upcoming wedding anniversary, always thinking ahead with the next clothing size up for both kids. We have family visiting us in the summer so that will need organising soon as will ds' birthday party.

And Ds is doing a sponsored walk so I need to remember to bring a bloody sponsorship form with me whenever I see someone!

Despite all this there is always time for plenty of mumsnet.

Shakeupandwakeup · 26/05/2022 22:37

linerforlife · 26/05/2022 12:26

Most of those are 2-5 min jobs that I fit in around my full time job to be honest. I wouldn't take a full day to do them. I also automate stuff - the wormer gets posted to me vs me having to collect for example.

I want to know how to book airport parking, find and book a reputable roofer and organise a kids' party in 2 minutes. Share your hacks, please.

StillUp · 26/05/2022 22:37

KarenOLantern · 26/05/2022 22:04

Serious question to all these people who claim to be able to buy gifts in 2 minutes flat (we'll say 5 minutes, because that's how long even the quickest online purchase takes, unless it's a repeat order or something. And that's not even counting having to create a new account and enter all your details, go and find your bank card etc. when you buy from a shop you've never bought from before. But I digress) My question is:

Do you always just know immediately what you're going to buy without having to think or search or browse at all? Do you not have to spend ages thinking about what the person might want, browsing for ideas, checking if other websites have anything similar, weighing up the pros and cons of each, calculating if your budget can stretch to the nicer one, sit there agonising over whether the recipient will actually like it, second-guess yourself, ask your partner for their opinion, bookmark it then leave it a day or two, make up your mind, log back into the website, second-guess yourself some more and THEN press "purchase"?

I honestly don’t. If it’s a gift I’m after I think about what I might buy the person in the weeks before while I’m sitting with a cuppa, or lying in bed, or whatever. When I sit down to actually buy something as soon as I find something good at a price I’m happy with, I buy it. I might spend an additional minute googling for a voucher code or to see if the same item is available cheaper somewhere else, but that’s it. There might well be a better version on another website, or I might save myself a couple of pounds, but if it’s within budget (I already know what my budget is) then who cares. I’ll never know there was a better version, and I’d rather spend the extra few pounds rather than extra time or energy. Just have confidence in your decision making. Once it’s ordered it’s done and it doesn’t matter. My bank cards are stored on my phone, I don’t need to go searching for them.

Liorae · 26/05/2022 22:41

go and find your bank card etc.
I'm beginning to get why everything takes you so long. That shouldn't even be a thing.

drpet49 · 26/05/2022 22:44

Most people just crack on and do things without having to compartmentalise them and then give it a title.

It's just part of life.

^This

RampantIvy · 26/05/2022 22:45

Do we just have an over-committed life

Compared to my life, yes.
DD is at university, I work part time and DH is semi retired, so I can fit life admin tasks in quite easily. I suspect that DH has undiagnosed ADHD (He scored very highly on a recent online test), and makes such a meal of doing life admin tasks. It takes him half a day to do what takes me half an hour.

KarenOLantern · 26/05/2022 23:06

Liorae · 26/05/2022 22:41

go and find your bank card etc.
I'm beginning to get why everything takes you so long. That shouldn't even be a thing.

Why? Because I don't carry my handbag around with me wherever I go in the house? My bad, I'll start doing that in future. I'm not saying it's "A Thing", I'm just pointing out one of the hundreds of ways that sometimes a task that in theory can be done in 2 minutes might end up taking 4, or 10, or 15, when today's not your day and something that usually happens automatically doesn't happen, and all the tiny little steps add up. (And for god's sake, please don't anyone say "why aren't your cards stored on your phone"? They obviously are, but occasionally you'll click on an app or website and the autofill won't be working for some reason.)

WhamBamMam85 · 26/05/2022 23:14

All those saying these are jobs that only take a couple of minutes - it’s not really about that is it? It’s the mental load of being the person in the family (let’s face it, it’s usually the woman) who has to remember all these things, schedule and plan ahead - that’s what makes all this stuff so bloody draining.

StillUp · 27/05/2022 03:19

KarenOLantern ah yes,* *it is annoying when auto fill doesn’t show up. Check your banking app though, as on some there’s a bit where you can view card details and copy and paste them. So as long as you know your security code off the back no more trekking for your purse. (I’ve got 3 different bank accounts and they all have it). You’re welcome

Waxonwaxoff0 · 27/05/2022 06:05

WhamBamMam85 · 26/05/2022 23:14

All those saying these are jobs that only take a couple of minutes - it’s not really about that is it? It’s the mental load of being the person in the family (let’s face it, it’s usually the woman) who has to remember all these things, schedule and plan ahead - that’s what makes all this stuff so bloody draining.

I don't find it draining, I'm a single parent. I suppose I just look at it as stuff that needs to be done, so I've got no choice. If I had a partner that didn't pull their weight I'd get annoyed.

coffeecupsandfairylights · 27/05/2022 06:09

WhamBamMam85 · 26/05/2022 23:14

All those saying these are jobs that only take a couple of minutes - it’s not really about that is it? It’s the mental load of being the person in the family (let’s face it, it’s usually the woman) who has to remember all these things, schedule and plan ahead - that’s what makes all this stuff so bloody draining.

But the problem there isn't that "life admin" exists, it's that you have a partner that is lazy and doesn't pull their weight.

Oblomov22 · 27/05/2022 06:22

It's come back round to the mental load thing. 'You should've asked' comic strip. (Which basically shows a mum who is angry at her husband for not doing his fair share). But like many other posters I quite like doing this admin. Dh does other bits, And my point is, I did it before, before I was a mum, when I was young and lived alone I got my own car MOT'd, searched for the best quote for car insurance, booked the dentist. So these life skills still need to be done by most people.

Fairislefandango · 27/05/2022 06:49

Liking these tasks, or not calling them life admin, or saying they're 'just life' doesn't make them not exist and doesn't make them take any less time. Just as if I happened to enjoy doing, for example, laundry (I really, really don't), decided to not call it housework, and said 'Well it's just something that needs doing' wouldn't cancel out the time it takes to do it or mean that lots of other people dislike it or find it time-consuming.

SquirrelFan · 27/05/2022 06:49

@KarenOLantern @StillUp This just illustrates how different people operate! I know that I have a really hard time purchasing presents, even online (not so much for kids' birthdays), because I'm not sure the recepient will like it. Right now I'm desperately looking for ideas for a friend - I know I thought of something once but I can't remember what it was - we've been friends for years and I want it to be, if not perfect, then at least thoughtful. So it's a combination of things, really, and I think some people are lucky to have, or have worked very hard to develop, the skills of making decisions quickly, being organised, and not over thinking things! And that's great, but I do feel like there are people on this thread who think a) less organised people are lazy, b) it's a moral failing to find "life admin" difficult!