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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not care about my friends child’s milestones

48 replies

Spooked102 · 26/05/2022 00:36

Both have children the same age, constantly being told when we are together what her son can do, it’s literally every 5 minutes even if I change the subject. My son is not as “forward” as hers. Late crawler, talking but not as much as hers ect. At first it was nice to give advice/take advice and talk about mom stuff but now it’s getting on my nerves when it’s brought up every time we see eachother. She seems fixated on it. I get it, she’s proud of her child and at first it seemed she was just a proud mom but now it feels like she’s saying - my child can do this yours can’t yet. Her son is smart and forward for his age, lovely. But I just couldn’t give a shit tbh, I know that sounds horrible but I just
see it as long as they are both happy healthy and thriving, why be so obsessed with the milestones so much?. I’m just glad my son is at where he should be and I don’t have to worry, that’s it. I sound horrible but I’m so bored of hearing “ my son did this my son said wee wee today my son said hello my son can answer my phone… Aibu for just wanting to have a decent conversation and it not to be centred around what my friends son can do every second of the day.

OP posts:
MolliciousIntent · 26/05/2022 00:39

...I think you're being a bit unreasonable tbh. She's a new mum who loves and is proud of her kid, she's got a friend who has a child the same age and she probably assumes it's OK to talk to you about what your babies are up to!

MolliciousIntent · 26/05/2022 00:42

MolliciousIntent · 26/05/2022 00:39

...I think you're being a bit unreasonable tbh. She's a new mum who loves and is proud of her kid, she's got a friend who has a child the same age and she probably assumes it's OK to talk to you about what your babies are up to!

Posted too soon - it's super exciting when your baby starts doing new things and she wants to share that with you. Yeah, fine, you might not find it as exciting as she does because it's not your kid, but with a small baby her world is likely super small right now and if you value her friendship you'd cut her some slack.

I think it's likely that your feelings about your own child's development are colouring this interaction - do you think you'd feel better if you checked in with the HV about where he is milestone wise?

Original poster
Spooked102 · 26/05/2022 00:46

@MolliciousIntent no he’s absolutely fine for his Age. I get she’s a proud mom, I do the same sometimes I’ll say he’s done thus or that today, but not every time we are together, it’s literally constant from her. And then she’ll ask if my son has done the same. I’ve noticed even if I’m busy for example playing with my ds or feeding or grabbing a wipe or something she’ll say oh ds did this and that earlier and look and wait for my reaction/ what I say, it’s just becoming annoying tbh.

OP posts:
MolliciousIntent · 26/05/2022 00:48

Spooked102 · 26/05/2022 00:46

@MolliciousIntent no he’s absolutely fine for his Age. I get she’s a proud mom, I do the same sometimes I’ll say he’s done thus or that today, but not every time we are together, it’s literally constant from her. And then she’ll ask if my son has done the same. I’ve noticed even if I’m busy for example playing with my ds or feeding or grabbing a wipe or something she’ll say oh ds did this and that earlier and look and wait for my reaction/ what I say, it’s just becoming annoying tbh.

Then stop seeing her. But what she's doing sounds totally normal - there's probably not a great deal else going on in her life right now.

Mamai90 · 26/05/2022 01:03

To the pp's saying its normal etc, no, I'd be embarrassed if I was behaving like that.

My friend and I have babies around the same age and we don't do the 'oh she can do this, can yours not'? We know that babies are all different and we don't compare. We will talk and laugh about little things they've done but it's never felt like a competition. Comparison is the their of joy and how quickly a child meets each milestone means very little as long as they are meeting them on time.

I'd shut this behaviour with a smart comment or an eye roll every time. Either that or I just wouldn't hang out with her as it would do my head in.

RobertSmithsLipstick · 26/05/2022 01:08

I'd be bored if this was the main topic of conversation, all the more if it included a one upmanship element.

I'd probably try to see less of her.

Original poster
Spooked102 · 26/05/2022 01:10

@Mamai90 I honestly thought I was just being a bitch for a moment!.
ive always been laidback about it and yes every child is different, as long as my ds is getting to the milestones for his age I’m happy and I don’t really think of it as much as her odviously. It’s just become constant and I mean she just doesn’t stop. I commented about her sons talking and how well he can speak for his age. Every time we’re together she’ll get him to say word after word after word and wait for my reaction. First few times were cute now I’m just bored. We’ve been friends a long long time, love were moms together but it seems like she says these things to get some kind of reaction or praise from me and it just seems weird.

OP posts:
Sunnytwobridges · 26/05/2022 01:18

RobertSmithsLipstick · 26/05/2022 01:08

I'd be bored if this was the main topic of conversation, all the more if it included a one upmanship element.

I'd probably try to see less of her.

This.

i would be annoyed and bored by this. I wouldn’t meet up as often anymore just to avoid it.

VolcanicProtectorMan · 26/05/2022 01:33

I ditched my ‘mum friends’ I made on mat leave for precisely this reason. Sick of the competitive parenting all the time. My DD is older than hers and was quite forward in lots of things too, so most of the time she had already done it, but I hadn’t bothered to tell her! It just got really boring and annoying. She used to lie about what her kid could do as well, saying her kid could walk at 12 months because she decided they ‘should’ by then. They didn’t walk until more like 13 months (still perfectly fine!), but she was just obsessed with them hitting the milestones early.

Aquamarine1029 · 26/05/2022 01:44

This is not normal, this woman is insufferable. I'd be finding a new friend to spend time with.

Mamai90 · 26/05/2022 02:17

@Spooked102 Nope, definitely not being a bitch!

I think most people would find this really hard to tolerate.

camelfinger · 26/05/2022 03:28

I’d forgotten how tiresome these sorts of people could be. I used to feel bad when comparisons were made about:


  • size of child (including shoe size)

  • having grandparents who spoil them rotten, including buying an entire wardrobe and second set of expensive toys for when they stay with them

  • ability to crawl/walk

  • sleeping

  • having a really chilled baby

  • being a real chatterbox

  • being a social butterfly (mine have always been suspicious of others)

  • being really willing to try new foods. Maybe at age 6 months but now it’s nuggets and plain pasta all the way

  • reading levels

  • having really grown up conversations/asking really intelligent questions at age 4

I’ve wasted so much thought process on the above over the years, I’m kind of glad I’m at work now so feel out of that nowadays.

Walkingalot · 26/05/2022 07:52

Obviously the 'novelty' of having a baby hasn't worn off for her. This is who she is now - competitive Mum - or could simply be that she has no other Mum friends/family to share this info with. If she was a new 'Mum friend' then I'd drop her like a stone. You could try saying something to her or just put a little distance between you.

girlmom21 · 26/05/2022 07:57

Does she have many friends? Is it that you're the only person she can gush about her child to?

picassobride · 26/05/2022 07:58

Quite frankly, I don't think most people care about other peoples' children, nothing more tedious, really. I can tolerate my friends' children, I like/ love my nephew but that's where it stops.
I am only interested in doings of my own DC and love them more than life itself.

MRex · 26/05/2022 07:59

It's impossible to tell without hearing you both. There's as much chance that you are turning harmless daily-life type of comments into competition, as there is that she is doing some one-upmanship.

Either way, spend your time with people who you like. If that doesn't include her then make more friends. (And if you find ALL of them do something, reframe because that means it's more about your perception.)

IncompleteSenten · 26/05/2022 07:59

If she's a long term friend I'd say can we just have normal chats like we used to? I enjoy my time with you and hate wasting it by only ever talking about one subject.

Or laugh and say let's race em! Winner gets Best Baby trophy.

Or sit down with her and ask if everything is ok. Gently tell her what you've noticed and how you feel.

ivykaty44 · 26/05/2022 08:01

Just say

i don’t want to compare what our children can and can’t do as I feel it’s unhealthy for a friendship

repeat a few times

if she doesn’t get the message

say I feel your comparisons are ruining our friendship

Branleuse · 26/05/2022 08:02

Yeah its really boring and insensitive to boast about your baby to other people with babies.
Save that for the doting grandparents and great aunts etc.

gamerchick · 26/05/2022 08:06

If you're good friends can you not just ask her? Maybe 'is there something you're worried about with kids development, you seem to go on about it an awful lot. Are you worried?'

Might make her shut up a bit.

LuckySantangelo35 · 26/05/2022 08:09

Urgh she sounds so boring

no one besides the parents of the child care one iota about their milestones

she needs to get a life

Newmumatlast · 26/05/2022 08:10

Spooked102 · 26/05/2022 00:46

@MolliciousIntent no he’s absolutely fine for his Age. I get she’s a proud mom, I do the same sometimes I’ll say he’s done thus or that today, but not every time we are together, it’s literally constant from her. And then she’ll ask if my son has done the same. I’ve noticed even if I’m busy for example playing with my ds or feeding or grabbing a wipe or something she’ll say oh ds did this and that earlier and look and wait for my reaction/ what I say, it’s just becoming annoying tbh.

I agree with you OP. My child is very forward and I wasn't banging on about it every second nor am I now. I do post pictures of art etc because its ok to be a proud mum (and I dont post pictures of her online so its literally the only stuff I would post) but I am not every second trying to get in there that she is forward. To me, its pointless. It doesn't matter. When she is 21 and graduating, loads of the kids who weren't forward could be ahead of her. Its cool to be proud of your kids and natural to have some discussion but its the excessive nature of what you describe that is understandably irritating. I'd limit interactions a bit if I'm honest.

orwellwasright · 26/05/2022 08:11

Get really pass-agg and counter every achievement with an insane one of your own.

'My child said wee-wee today'

'Really? Oh. That's... great! We've started on Mandarin and he already knows around 200 words. But wee-wee's great! They've all got to start somewhere!'

Obviously she'll know it's bullshit but it might shut her up.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 26/05/2022 08:19

Some people turn into extreme baby bores and it never works off.

No one other than parents/grandparents are that interested

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 26/05/2022 08:19

*never wears off