To not care about my friends child’s milestones

[Spooked102]

Both have children the same age, constantly being told when we are together what her son can do, it’s literally every 5 minutes even if I change the subject. My son is not as “forward” as hers. Late crawler, talking but not as much as hers ect. At first it was nice to give advice/take advice and talk about mom stuff but now it’s getting on my nerves when it’s brought up every time we see eachother. She seems fixated on it. I get it, she’s proud of her child and at first it seemed she was just a proud mom but now it feels like she’s saying - my child can do this yours can’t yet. Her son is smart and forward for his age, lovely. But I just couldn’t give a shit tbh, I know that sounds horrible but I just
see it as long as they are both happy healthy and thriving, why be so obsessed with the milestones so much?. I’m just glad my son is at where he should be and I don’t have to worry, that’s it. I sound horrible but I’m so bored of hearing “ my son did this my son said wee wee today my son said hello my son can answer my phone… Aibu for just wanting to have a decent conversation and it not to be centred around what my friends son can do every second of the day.

Just say "that's nice" and change the subject.

Ugh, I find it hard to get worked up about my own kids milestones, let alone anyone else's! Ditch her! 🤣

I have a friend who does this - I am childless not by choice. It is horrendous. Just tried to distance myself because it breaks my heart.

Good thinking

I think a lot of mother's that do this are actually struggling deep down and that's the only way they can feel like they are doing well. But can get why it's annoying as it's usually lies too, so pretending that it's great just encourages them.

Don't know what the best way is to shut it down though. I guess changing the subject each time might work, talk about a recent tv show or film or something to get off the topic of kids.

Through my ante-natal class I made three friends - it was all their first baby my second. I’m gonna sound like one of those Mums but my daughter did hit a few milestones early - I never made a thing about but the other mums did get worried & kept mentioning how my daughter seemed to be ahead/time etc etc I told them not to worry….Literally the only thing my baby could do was clap & sit early ….& then paused … the other two crawling …walking….I had a sitting clapping happy ten month old :)

Those little babies are now 12/13 years old & milestones completely forgotten. Wine is needed as we go through the teenage years. It’s just that baby moment seems so important at the time to some people, it passes.

I was just like your friend. I cringe at the thought of it now. Just remember that she's not doing it on purpose, or to make you feel bad. She's just one super proud mum. When my second child came along, I realised that I didn't need to talk about their developments so much (as most babies are pretty much the same!). Perhaps see your friend less? So that she doesn't annoy you. Make other friends, so you have different people to talk to. I wouldn't cut your friend off, because she won't always be like this.

There's nothing more boring than talking about other people's children. When you see her steer all conversation away from children.

YANBU.

I have friends with similar aged young DC (all 1st babies) and we will talk about the occasional milestone type thing but it’s probably only about 10% of the conversation, not all of it.

But we never compare. I would just say something that makes it really clear you don’t want to continue in that vein of conversation like “well they’re all different”. Repeatedly. And then change the topic of conversation.

She is being very tedious and also insensitive. It’s great that you’re not anxious but some people in a similar situation would be worried if their child was doing everything later than another child.

Hopefully it will wear off, the friendship will survive and she’ll probably look back and cringe. How old are DC btw? I found when I was on maternity leave I didn’t have any thing to focus on apart from DC and I probably was a bit of a bore.

I get it OP, I came across similar when DS was a baby and it wears thin very quickly. You are not being unreasonable. Most people grow out of it but I have one friend that I’ve held at arms length because she’s still the same now the children are 4 years old. She was bragging about her DS to a whole group of people for a good while then turned round to me and made a point of asking “does your DD still have MASSIVE tantrums?”

It's not totally normal, it's tedious, competitive nonsense.

That does sound annoying. I would give her a few minutes to say some stuff, say that's brilliant, pleased to hear it. Anyway what do you think about xxxxx? Try and move the conversation on to something more interesting.

I do try to move the conversation on but then her child will say something or while he’s playing and she’ll say look he did that the other day so and so and it just leads back to it. At first when they were babies ( their toddlers now) she’d say oh my cousins baby walked at so and so months but my ds isn’t yet I’m trying to get him to and she said she made him walk while holding his hands upto 20 times a day until he did then she would my ds walked early… you get my point. She is one of those “competitive moms” it seems. I’m going to start seeing her less I think. I even said before I don’t care what other children are doing at my sons age just as long as my son is developing normally that’s all that matters to me.

Tbh she does seem consumed by it at the moment, nothing wrong with that! We used to socialise and go out a lot but every time I ask she doesn’t seem to want to do anything without dc, I love being a mom but my god I sometimes just want a bit of a break from it and feel like me again and have my friend back, go out and have a bit of fun without everything being about the kids. Does that sound awful?

She sounds like a pain in the hole.

Does she have other friends? Wonder if she’s like this with others.
either way, I’d make a final attempt to swerve the conversation away, perhaps be blunt. If that doesn’t work, go low contact. Doesn’t sound like you’re getting much from the friendship now, so no point.

@Sloth66 she doesn’t now I’ve thought about it, she had friends without children but doesn’t see them anymore, she said they saw her a few times when her son was younger but make exuses now not to see much of her, I can guess why 🤷🏻‍♀️

I typed out a nice supportive post then accidentally lost it 🙄

I think we all know the difference between being chatty and mutually excited for each other’s parenting experiences and feeling judged by a competitive parent. Your friend sounds competitive and irritating.

Bloody awful trait because in effect she’s saying, “My kid is better than yours”.

These parents seem to be evenly dotted about the globe but they do reduce in number as the children get older. There will still be nobs at high school events wittering on about their offspring’s magnificence but fortunately most parents wake up to the fact that no one wants to hear it.

YANBU, I don't care how proud anyone is, don't need to constantly hear about it. Let them post it on social media like everyone else 😂

Ditch her op

Eugh competitive parents are the worst. Try replying with a really unenthusiastic one word answer consistently and if she doesn't get the hint then I'd be binning her off.

No, this would drive me mad.

When I had my first baby I was completely besotted and it instantly become the centre of my universe. However, I would never dream of boring other people by talking incessantly about every little milestone, every little achievement because most people are not really interested in other peoples children and it becomes boring just talking about that. OP I am with you on this one.

I would just avoid this person’s company.

This is very annoying.

I had an nct friend like this, her kids was always first/the best to do everything. I remember she said her (pretty young) child was potty trained, but only wet herself 2 or 3 times a day… err, that’s not toilet trained.