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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've been off work for 4 weeks with anxiety and I still don't feel ready to go back

44 replies

anxiousstillll · 25/05/2022 19:17

I've been off work for 4 weeks with anxiety. My GP has signed me off twice for 2 weeks. I've started medication 4 weeks ago but it hasn't helped much. I have found some things easier like I had to go for a hospital appointment which usually I would have felt nervous about but I felt calm. But when it comes to work I just can't cope or face it.

I was in a taxi and it drove past my office the other day and I just started crying. My thoughts get very dark when I think about work. I've been anxious all this week and having dark thoughts because I know my sick note ends this week.

My manager has emailed me to ask for a call to catch up on things ready for my return next week and I can't bear to have to tell them I'm still not ready to come back. We have a big conference next week.

I honestly feel like I'll never be ready to return to my current job. I've never experienced this with jobs in the past, I'm not sure what about this job has triggered but it just feels like it's a complete clash. I've only been there for 9 months but it's just gotten worse and worse. I know without a doubt that I will be handing in my notice soon and leaving, I have enough savings to cover a few months. My notice period is 2 months though so it's a long time.

I feel awful as my manager is very supportive, senior management is very supportive and the company is a great one to work for. However, the nature of the job is fast-paced and client-facing and I just find it too stressful.

I can't think straight right now to think logically about this. I just want to hide under my covers and make it all go away. I still haven't replied to my manager's email as I just don't know what to say. I know IABU.

OP posts:
Original poster
anxiousstillll · 25/05/2022 19:46

Does anyone have any advice? (Sorry for bumping)

OP posts:
loopsaloo · 25/05/2022 19:49

If you don't feel ready to go back, don't. You'll end up more poorly and off for longer if you try to run before you can walk. Hugs

Tania64 · 25/05/2022 19:51

I think that you can be off sick during your notice period so if you can get your GP to write you another sick note you can give notice at the same time.

ScottishBeth · 25/05/2022 19:55

I'm really sorry you're going through this - it sounds really tough. And if you're not ready to go back, then you need to have more time. You're not being unreasonable at all.

It's totally normal to be worried about telling work, but it is better to be honest. I'm so glad you've said they are supportive though. Could you tell your manager my email that you're not ready and going to go to the GP again, and then speak to them on the phone later on?

Do you have any support from friends, family, a counsellor? Hugs. X

caringcarer · 25/05/2022 20:07

Not everyone is suited to every job. If you know you are not suited to this job could they transfer you to a backroom role? If not I would hand notice in. No job is worth your mental health. Tell your GP you feel really unwell thinking about going back to work and ask for a further 2 weeks. Use the time looking for another job.

DamnShesaSexyChick · 25/05/2022 20:11

The longer you are off the harder it will be to go back, I think you need to grit your teeth and do it or look for something else, four weeks is a long time.

Badqueen · 25/05/2022 20:11

4 weeks isn't really long enough for your medication to have really kicked in. When i went onto citalopram it didn't start properly working until about 6 weeks in. It needs time to build up in your system. If you're not ready to go back, and it certainly sounds like you're not, then don't go back yet. You won't get better if you go back now. You wouldn't go running on a broken leg.

Badqueen · 25/05/2022 20:14

Also i had an extended period of time off work (6 weeks) with anxiety and depression. I felt like you do about it, crying at the thought of going on. But I'm still at the same company, and perfectly content now 2 years on because i had the right treatment. This feeling won't last forever. It might be the right thing to leave - but don't be hasty. Take your time to get to the point you're feeling better and then work out what you want to do. Don't do anything drastic while you feel like this.

Treacletreacle · 25/05/2022 20:14

As a fellow anxiety sufferer i totally understand how you feel, however i would say that i found avoidance for me makes the situation worse. You didnt say if you are full time? Is there scope for returning part time or greatly reduce your hours or work load? Are you having any CBT or any other talking therapy? You can self do a self referral. I found if you list the things that make you anxious you can take smaller steps to work towards them which is why perhaps having a smaller work load might help? I try to push myself more otherwise i feel the anxiety has won, if that makes sense. I totally get why you feel you want to leave if it is making you unhappy, i just mean i wouldn't want you to feel disheartened afterwards. Anxiety i find isnt something that just goes away if you wish it to, you have to live alongside it until you no longer fear it. Good luck 👍

Seenoevil1 · 25/05/2022 20:19

@DamnShesaSexyChick
I disagree...

@anxiousstillll - you are really unwell and I think you need to take much longer off, as in three months at least.
If anxiety is not dealt with or can lead to depression as the two often go hand in hand. It is also exhausting.
I'm sure your doctor will sign you off with a 3 month note which is less stressful than having to renew them every month. Take care. Health comes first. You can think about next steps re work once you've given yourself a chance to rest.

Seenoevil1 · 25/05/2022 20:20

@Treacletreacle

Good advice 👍

ilovesooty · 25/05/2022 20:34

Has a referral to Occupational Health been done? I'm concerned that you really don't have many employment rights if you've only been there nine months.

Original poster
anxiousstillll · 25/05/2022 21:57

I know ultimately the job isn't for me, I realised that around a month in but thought it would get better, then around 6 months ago is when my mental health started to be really affected so it's not just a case of my anxiety making me want to run away, I know logically that I need to leave and do something different. I have coped with other stressful jobs in the past, but this is my first job in the industry I'm in and I think it is not compatible with me/my personality.

My gut instinct is to just run away from it all. Block my manager's number, and never speak to them again. I know that's not possible and I won't actually do that, but that's how awful I'm feeling about work at the moment. I went to stay with family for a week and I got to completely forget about work and have a change of scenery and I felt more like myself, then it was when I got the taxi back from the train station and drove past my office it's like a cloud descended on me. Every little thing like brushing my teeth or preparing a meal takes so much effort.

@ilovesooty I haven't been referred to occupational health yet, but I know at my job if you have 4 weeks or more off work you get an automatic referral, so I will be referred once I go back.

OP posts:
TealAndTurquoise · 25/05/2022 22:03

@anxiousstillll I had to take 10 weeks off at the beginning of the year as I felt anxious and depressed. It was partly due to work but mostly due to my mum being very ill for the last 15 months. I was signed off for 6 weeks initially, then a further 4, and I was prescribed Sertraline which took a few weeks to kick in.

There was no way I could have gone back to work after the initial 6 weeks but I finally felt ready after 10. If you need more time then take it. If your employers are supportive then they will understand.

I know you're thinking about leaving but could you have an honest conversation about how you're feeling and discuss if any adjustments could be made to your role to make it less stressful?

Hope you feel better soon and take care of yourself.

FuckingNoise · 25/05/2022 22:16

If you don't mind me asking OP what is the job? Is it an admin role? Estate agent? Vet etc?

Fulbe · 25/05/2022 22:20

Medication is mainly not adequate for coping with anxiety. Can you get any therapy through occupational health? Don't wait to return for this referral. If you can't access this, refer yourself for some therapy (search IAPT and your local area), although there is a wait for this. You haven't mentioned what the anxiety is specifically related to, but there are also very good self-help books you can read. The 'overcoming' series of books is good (there is one called 'overcoming anxiety'), as are the 'for dummies' books.

princesspenny · 25/05/2022 22:35

I had 10 weeks off work with stress and depressionat the end of last year. At 4 weeks I felt similar to you, very easily triggered and honestly thought I'd never manage to go back.

But I got better. I started sertraline, it took a few weeks to kick in and combined with counseling (private) it made a massive difference.

Things WILL get better, please don't despair.

I went back to work feeling much better but put massive effort in to finding another job and I handed in my notice 2 months later.

VitaminB34 · 25/05/2022 22:40

I have an anxiety disorder and bipolar. To be honest, I've found that working full time and staying in routine helps more than anything else. I've always declined sick notes for that reason.

If you're really not suited to the job, resign and look for something else. I've done it in the past a few times with zero regret. Always went on to better jobs.

ThreeLittleDots · 25/05/2022 22:40

Well it sounds like more the job than you! If you can afford it I'd be honest with them and ask if there's any way you can be released early from your contract for mental health reasons. Otherwise you'll just have to be signed off sick for your entire notice period.

Original poster
anxiousstillll · 25/05/2022 22:50

My GP only signed me off for 2 weeks, I'm not sure why. To get a sick note we submit an online request and then one of the GPs at the practice sends the sick note so you're not really speaking to the GP, just writing a summary of why you want to be signed off.

My job is in PR/advertising. It's my first job in the industry and my first 'office' job, I previously worked in healthcare so it's been a bit of a culture shock and hard to adjust. I much prefer my previous jobs and find all of the corporate side of things very stressful to understand, there's lots of unspoken rules on how to act and it's a very cliquey work place with a huge emphasis on socials and drinks and I just feel like I don't fit in. We also have to present work to clients who can be rude and demeaning. The work is also very fast-paced and stressful. I often have multiple people constantly asking me where different projects are, and asking me to take on more work. I've coped with fast paced working environments before, and know how to work under pressure and deal with stress but something about the social pressures of the job really affect me. I also don't really click with colleagues, and a few colleagues have been quite rude to me and snubbed me. Ultimately, I find it difficult to explain as it feels like lots of reasons. You know when you're dating someone and you just know they're not the right fit even though on paper you have a lot in common and should be a good match, it's a bit like that.

I really don't know what adjustments could be made to help.

OP posts:
Original poster
anxiousstillll · 26/05/2022 00:33

I think I will reply to my manager tomorrow saying I still don’t feel ready to come back and that I will speak to my GP to see what they say? At my GP you can’t get another sick note until the last day of your current one, so I can’t ask for another sick note until Friday. I then need to work out how to hand in my notice - I guess just by email? I think my manager will be shocked and disappointed, but I will say I think I just need to take a break for my mental health.

OP posts:
Original poster
anxiousstillll · 26/05/2022 00:33

Does the above sound like an ok plan?

OP posts:
ProclivityForPyrotechnics · 26/05/2022 00:53

@anxiousstillll that sounds perfect. I left the nhs for a time, got a corporate job where I was spoken to like shite and the culture was so toxic. All I could think was I missed the nhs!!

So I left and got a job in theatres I love it

ProclivityForPyrotechnics · 26/05/2022 00:54

It's the constant corporate bullshit and arse licking I hated

FuckingNoise · 26/05/2022 06:34

I don't blame you for feeling like this OP it sounds like a very cold and brutal atmosphere to work in and it probably takes a certain type of personality to work there x