I've been off work for 4 weeks with anxiety and I still don't feel ready to go back

[anxiousstillll]

I've been off work for 4 weeks with anxiety. My GP has signed me off twice for 2 weeks. I've started medication 4 weeks ago but it hasn't helped much. I have found some things easier like I had to go for a hospital appointment which usually I would have felt nervous about but I felt calm. But when it comes to work I just can't cope or face it.

I was in a taxi and it drove past my office the other day and I just started crying. My thoughts get very dark when I think about work. I've been anxious all this week and having dark thoughts because I know my sick note ends this week.

My manager has emailed me to ask for a call to catch up on things ready for my return next week and I can't bear to have to tell them I'm still not ready to come back. We have a big conference next week.

I honestly feel like I'll never be ready to return to my current job. I've never experienced this with jobs in the past, I'm not sure what about this job has triggered but it just feels like it's a complete clash. I've only been there for 9 months but it's just gotten worse and worse. I know without a doubt that I will be handing in my notice soon and leaving, I have enough savings to cover a few months. My notice period is 2 months though so it's a long time.

I feel awful as my manager is very supportive, senior management is very supportive and the company is a great one to work for. However, the nature of the job is fast-paced and client-facing and I just find it too stressful.

I can't think straight right now to think logically about this. I just want to hide under my covers and make it all go away. I still haven't replied to my manager's email as I just don't know what to say. I know IABU.

That sounds like a plan however when you ask for the sick note is there a way you can explain you are stressed about your job so have handed in your notice, just so the GP knows youre working on resolving the situation? I find they are more likely to agree to give you a fit note if they can see what you've tried yourself.

It’s not clear, or I might have missed, whether you suffered from anxiety before. In either case what you’ve described shows the role is not suitable for you and is the trigger. You need to remove that trigger to get well again and by eventually handing your notice in and looking for something else. This is the best thing for you and fairest for your employer.

25+ years corporate experience here and whilst I’ve worked with some nice people, what you’re describing is the typical culture. Firm believer there are no easy jobs whether that be private or public sector and it just comes down to best fit.

It's quite normal for a GP to give you a 2 week fit note when you've just started antidepressants. It doesn't mean they think you're able to go back to work, they just want to keep an eye on things. As others have said, it will be a few weeks before you feel the benefits so don't worry about it.
If I was you I'd put my notice in straightaway. Life is too short to be feeling like this over a job. All you need to say is that it hasn't worked out for you. Moving from one industry to a completely different one is literally a step into the unknown and you couldn't have known what it would be like.
You'll get there. Take it easy and look after yourself x

If the medication isn't working you can phone your GP to discuss. They may say just to give it more time or they may suggest an alternative. Are they also offering you anything else are you on the list for Counselling what else do you think you could do to alleviate this. Is it work stress or non work related depression / anxiety?

It's just a job OP, work doesn't have the right to make us ill. I experienced something similar myself last year after spending the pandemic on a covid ward and losing a couple of colleagues. I just couldn't face going in, or even driving past.
My GP was amazing and referred me for CBT rather than medication, I was also advised to change jobs, and I really appreciated that level if direction as I know counsellors etc usually shy away from that.
In total I was off for 8 weeks while I worked my notice and I'm now in a completely different job where my functioning is absolutely fine.
Little things that helped me get through each day were taking the time to do 3 nice things for myself, getting outside for a long walk in nature and listening to the head space app.
Your colleagues sound like arse holes by the way.

Erm no, that's terrible advice. I've just had 16 weeks off and am on a phased return now. It was the right time period for me, and coming back feels easy. Going back too soon will make things worse.

I recently had 2 months off with anxiety which work triggered

I went back feeling great and within couple of days crashed again. I gave my notice in, negotiated an early exit and start new job Monday

Good luck and sometimes it's better to cut your losses and walk away

Also no the answer is most definately not to just work through it bad day then yes maybe but not anxiety

I've put in a request with my GP for an extension to my fit note, hopefully they will grant it. I had to log into my work emails earlier and seeing all the emails has made me realise that I am not ready to go back at all.

I saw that my manager has scheduled a 1:1 meeting for us on Monday morning as they are expecting me to return.

You've done the right thing. Stay away from emails, I kept checking them but then felt sick and heart would pound looking at them. I turned the computer off in the end. That was what made me realise how bad it was

I just can't stop worrying about it. I've been in bed most of today just sleeping with my phone on silent trying to avoid everything.

I need to hand in my notice, but I'm worried as I'll have to do it over Teams or email and I know my manager will be disappointed and surprised. I just know without a doubt that this job isn't for me. I've pushed through many difficult situations in my life and I know I'm resilient, but it still feels like I'm being weak or giving up too easily, but I just know that my job is really negatively affecting my mental health. It's no one's fault and I hope my manager doesn't take it personally.

What someone else thinks of you is none of your business. Time to be selfish x

I need to hand in my notice, but I'm worried as I'll have to do it over Teams or email and I know my manager will be disappointed and surprised. I just know without a doubt that this job isn't for me. I've pushed through many difficult situations in my life and I know I'm resilient, but it still feels like I'm being weak or giving up too easily, but I just know that my job is really negatively affecting my mental health. It's no one's fault and I hope my manager doesn't take it personally.

This sounds like a very hard situation for you op but you know in your heart what you have to do. Tell your manager that you have really appreciated their support but you don't feel you are the right fit for the role and that you are handing in your notice. They may be disappointed initially but they will ultimately appreciate clarity over the situation; not knowing one way or the other is harder to plan for from an employer's perspective. Good luck, I hope you feel much better soon as anxiety is the pits, and I hope you find another role which brings you much more satisfaction and enjoyment

I know what a bad-fit job feels like. It’s awful. I sympathise.

I really think that if you resign asap, it will feel like a weight off your shoulders.

They are unlikely to insist on 2 months’ notice. You’ll probably never go in again other than to return kit.

I was exactly the same, I've never walked away from a job and I'm in my fifties. I've always been highly thought of and felt a failure.

I have had therapy and realised eventually it's a success not a failure to realise its not right and to leave. I struggled massively but I can't describe the relief I felt when I finally gave my notice. I also worried what they would think but tbh i think I was more bothered than they were.

Sometimes a job just doesn't work out

OP, DO NOT hand in your notice.

Email your manager and inform them that you are not ready to return to work and that you expect you will be off for several more months. They will need to keep in touch with you but won't force a meeting right away and even then, you can insist on a vid call.

Contact your GP and ask them to provide a fitness to work note signing you off for depression and anxiety for 4 weeks. When that runs out, you ask for another 4 weeks and so on until you are recovered.

Give the Citalopram 8-10 weeks to work and if the side effects of anxiety aren't diminished enough for you to function, go back to GP and ask for a higher dosage and then if still nothing then as for something else.

Expect to be off work for the next 6 months...

The tablets don't always work the first round. It can take 2 or 3 different types until you find the right one that helps you and the right dosage.

If you quit, you won't be entitled to any assistance from the government. If you are on long term sick, you will get some help so that you won't have to worry about money. This is your entitlement remember, you paid in to the system and now you need the support you paid for.

Realistically, plan to be off work for a year unless you find the right fit with medication.

It took me nearly 2 years to be able to function. Insomnia, panic attacks, agoraphobia, upset stomach, loss appetite, night sweats and dark depression were just the tip of the iceberg for me until I got some control back over my broken brain chemistry.

I wasted a year on Sertraline and got worse and worse. I rate Effexor and Mirtazipine highly. Citalopram did nothing for me. You haven't really begun to explore meds and dosages yet so please give yourself time and breathing room to focus on yourself and a recovery.

Don't try to please others or commit to anything. You tell them all that you are unwell, unfit to work and need space to recover. Your job have to check in with you every so often but you can repeat those words and then one day when you too have control back, you can choose to go back or find a new job elsewhere but right now you are not mentally able to make an informed decision. Take care of yourself.

It sounds like you just don't like the job, so give in notice, as it's unfair on you and your colleagues otherwise

I feel so torn. I have another sick note from my GP for another 2 weeks, they are also going to schedule an appointment to discuss my medication. I'm on sertraline, and it hasn't really affected my anxiety and instead I think I've developed depression.

I think handing in my notice would be a weight off of my shoulders, and it would feel better that my manager and colleagues will know for certain that I'm leaving. I feel awful having a 2 week sick note as each time towards the end of the 2 weeks my manager gets in touch to start planning my return, which makes me feel more anxious because I don't feel ready to return. I'm dreading having to log on and tell them I have another sick note.

But I also worry about my future. A gap on my CV and a reference from my current employer showing bad attendance. I have no idea what career to go into, this job was supposed to be the start of my career and I hate it so I'm having to scrap everything and have a rethink. I'm worried that I will regret resigning from a secure job with a decent pay.

4 weeks is nothing. I'd expect an absence of several months for someone with anxiety as the meds can take a while to adjust to. I've recently had someone in my team off for 4 months with anxiety and my ex-DH once had 5 months off for MH reasons, it's really quite common to be off for ages.

As a line manager it's unhelpful that GPs give a series of short term sick notes as it makes it harder to plan for but I now always assume that MH absence will be a long duration..

This will pass I promise you. I was completely broken this time last year and it got worse and worse until I too had to take time off of work. Another one to echo the above, I was the least likely person to ever be off work... but you don't know how bad it is until you have it. I'm on the other side now slowly and feel so good and normal again. I'm excited about normal things again like buying my cat a new toy and planning holidays... I could never ever have imagined this even a few months ago, I was going to my parents house for sleepovers when my boyfriend was working because I couldn't bare to feel so sad on my own. It is dreadful, but it passes no matter how real it feels now. I promise. You can always message me on here if you need to speak to anyone, do not worry about work nobody will notice when you're back and in the scheme of things it is just so important that you get better x