Genuinely don't know if iabu

[Sudscameraaction]

So I used to work full time but now look after our sn son. As a result I do the general cleaning and cooking, including washing clothes but DH is pretty good and tidies, cleans the kitchen most evenings.

We're both a bit messy and have a floordrobe but I generally deal with mine every few days whilst his just stays in a pile until I get frustrated and wash it.

I've accidentally put things that shouldn't have gone through the wash before because DH leaves things in his pockets. His view is that as it's not in a washing pile I should check pockets. My view is it basically functions as a wash pile so he needs to be more careful as I am not used to having pockets that hold anything so don't always think to check.

Anyway, absolutely gutted because I put his jeans in the wash and when I emptied it I realised it had our camera in it. It had lots of unbacked up photos of Ds in it and I'm gutted. It also wasn't a cheap camera.

Basically, should I be kicking myself anymore than I already am or is he partly responsible when he knows I'm not always great at remembering to check?

I'm thinking to try and insist on a new system, but I don't want it to end in an argument where I'm accused of being a hypocrit.
Aibu or is he?
Or are we both sillies?

Have you got space for a laundry basket among the floordrobe which you can both chuck stuff into for washing?

How could you not notice a camera in the pocket of a pair of jeans

You both sound a bit gross (sorry) you keep clothes on the floor? I didn't know this was a thing. They either go in the washing basket or back in the wardrobe to be reworn. Make this a new rule and both stick to it.

If it's not in the washing pile then it's up to you to check pockets before putting it in the wash.

If his floordrobe bothers you enough, discuss a solution (a "decorative" basket to toss it in so it's not in the wash but not on the floor for example)?

I have every sympathy though, awful to have lost pics.

I am absolutely aghast at the number of threads on MN about hideous, disrespectful men and the women that put up with it and enable it. Why?! Just why??

If it isn’t in the laundry basket then just don’t wash it. I wouldn’t be on my knees going through a pile of clothes, giving them the sniff test and going through the pockets to check if they were clean or dirty because my husband can’t even be bothered to put dirty stuff in the wash. Fuck that honestly.

You're both sillies! This has been caused by your messiness and disorganisation as a couple. No judgement, we're the same here, but if that's how you live this is the sort of thing that happens. Is your camera definitely ruined? Could you get it looked at?

Sorry but you are entirely responsible for the camera being washed. I know how it is not being good at checking pockets as I’ve just washed my new debit card and destroyed it. So don’t try and shift the blame to him especially as it was a camera so even a tiny bit of checking would have caught it.

But you both definitely need a new system. It’s time to stop having a floordrobe. Get a laundry basket and put it in your bedroom. Everything that needs washing goes in the basket with the rule that pockets must be emptied beforehand and you won’t be checking them and cannot be held responsible if anything in the laundry basket has items in pockets. Have a rule such as after 2 or 3 wears the item goes into the laundry basket and get in the habit of using it. Have a dining chair or something similar in the corner to put clothes that can be reworn on. Then if you do wash things from the re-wear chair, make sure you do check the pockets. (You is interchangeable, can be you or your DH, whoever is doing the laundry that day)

OP both of you might need to just admit that it's time to end the floordrobe as stuff like this happens in floordrobes. Which is why you need actual wardrobes.

Two separate issues. He is being a bit of a slob. You put the camera in the wash. It's very annoying but your responsibility. I feel your pain. We had a camera stolen with baby pics on it. It's possible the memory card might still work.

I'd treat this as a point to move forward from. No more floordrobing. And pocket checks on entry to the wash basket AND the washing machine.

I think washing the camera was your fault.

But I would just stop washing things that are on the floor. If it's too much mess, get a basket/bag/box and just chuck it all in there. And then don't wash it until he puts it in the actual laundry basket. I do the laundry in our house but wouldn't be going round picking up DH's clothing trying to see what needs washing - if it's in the laundry basket it will be washed, if it isn't, it won't.

I think you’re both in the wrong. I don’t check pockets as I put things in the machine, I assume if it’s in the laundry basket that whoever put it there has done that. In that sense I agree his pockets are DH responsibility. But. I don’t go looking for laundry/picking things off the floor - if I did I would feel responsible for checking the pockets. I don’t check pockets of clothes I leave on chairs etc because they’re probably going to be worn again so I’d be cross if DH took it upon himself to just wash them without asking or checking. So I think you’re unreasonable for washing the floordrobe in the first place.

If you both used a laundry basket and checked as you put things in there (hardly a massive imposition) you’d solve this issue.

Just stop washing his clothes. Get a laundry basket and wash whatever is in there. My DH has a floordrobe too but he knows if it's not in the basket it doesn't get washed. If he needs something specific washing then he knows where the washer is.
Sorry you lost the photos of your DS though 😔

Separate point but have you tried drying the camera and memory card out by putting them in a bag of rice and then charging it up again?

Most modern digital cameras are waterproof to a degree so all may not be lost.

I recently found one on the bottom of a lake that had been there for 3 weeks - charged it up, it still worked and from the photos and a bit of sleuthing I managed to reunite it with its owner!

Your both being unreasonable, hang up the clean clothes it takes minutes. Get a washing basket for the space where the "floordrobe" currently is and anything that isn't put in the basket doesn't get washed.
It's gutting about the camera but imo it's equally both your faults, DH checks his pockets before washing goes in the basket and I double check pockets before washing goes in the machine then nothing gets missed.

I think you know you should have checked. It’s not like it was a fiver, easily overlooked. Checking for larger, solid items is not hard.

But I also agree with others that DH needs a better system.

I am aghast that two grown adults think it’s ok to keep their clothes on the floor. What kind of example are you setting your child about caring for hard earned possessions?!

If you really can’t manage putting things away, get a chair or ideally a valet stand to keep things you want to wear again and only wash what is in the laundry basket.

In terms of the camera, I can’t believe you didn’t notice that in a pocket so think that is your fault. I always check pockets, it literally takes seconds. DH is very good at emptying his but sometimes either of us miss a stray tissue so I always double check to save the hassle of having to remove tiny tissue pieces from a whole dark wash.

Floordrobe is fine. But stuff that wants washing goes in a laundry basket. Whoever puts it in the laundry basket is responsible for emptying the pockets.

This isn't complicated, you just need to leave him to put his own clothes in the wash, rather than doing it for him. If he doesn't then he'll run out of clothes. Even kids can handle this system, let alone adults.

Honestly both of you need to use this as the final straw to make changes. I’m not the best at checking pockets myself but if I pick things off the floor (this should be rare), I do make sure to check those. Who washed the camera? Unfortunately that’s down to you but your DH knows you have to regularly collect his dirty washing from floor so he shouldn’t have left a camera (a camera for crying out loud! Who just dumps a camera in a trouser pocket for someone to accidentally step on?!) on the floor. Just tell him what happened and say while you take responsibility for washing the clothes, you truly didn’t expect anyone to leave a camera with valuable pictures on the floor. You both need to change.

I hope PP’s suggestion with bag of rice works because it’s truly heartbreaking to lose your memorises Op.

Both your fault. I know DP is bad at leaving stuff in his pockets. And yet I still also forget to check everytime and just put stuff in.

That said, fuck knows how you managed a camera. I think I'd notice something of any weight. It's usually tissues I'm swearing over.

It's my natural instinct to rifle through pockets, so thankfully this wouldn't happen to me but I do feel your pain at the loss of the photos.

At the risk of sounding 'grim', DH has good reason to not put it straight in the wash. Work trousers etc he usually wears twice.
My floordrobe tends to be just whatever I've stripped off the night before eg. Too hot in PJ's. Usually blitzed in the morning so less of a permanent feature.
The reason I get frustrated with his is because it gets in the way of hoovering, mopping etc. I must have chucked it quickly in the wash basket at the end of the bed whilst hoovering and the rest is history.
I assume the camera is fucked. It looks pretty fucked.
So upset about my photos.
He's not a bad husband or a slob. It's his one thing that he's not great with. It's just really upsetting as was preventable.

I always check pockets, they are invariably a good source of money. 😁

You both sounds like a pair of slobs - who has a ‘floordrobe’ over the age of about 15? I think washing a wallet or something small or light could be seen as both of your fault, but putting something as heavy as a camera is all on you. It kind of doesn’t matter if you clear up your clothes after a few days and he doesn’t, you both need to invest in a wardrobe of some kind.

At the risk of sounding 'grim', DH has good reason to not put it straight in the wash. Work trousers etc he usually wears twice.

I th

At the risk of sounding 'grim', DH has good reason to not put it straight in the wash. Work trousers etc he usually wears twice.

I think that's reasonable. But storing them on the floor in between is causing the problems.