To feel like motherhood is just giving in/up

[Dowhatdowullywup]

I have 2 dc 6 months and 2 yrs old.

Tonight my son had a bowl of chips and ice cream for dinner. His diet today consisted of puffs and some fruit. We make him salmon, mince, curries, stews, pasta etc.. All go on the floor. He has to eat something. So I give in.

He harrangs me for TV. I try to read books or play with toys. Not interested. We end up watching paw patrol on a loop. Again I give in.

He doesn't want to get in pram. I try and wrestle him in. Lure him with snacks. No joy. It takes us about an hr to get home with the baby screaming instead. I gave in.

Tonight when trying to get them both ready for bed alone I huffed and my ds muttered. Ffs. Not the first time either. He heard me say this a while ago when very exasperated and has latched on to it. I'm mortified and don't know how to stop it.

I'm basically the type of mother I judged and said I'd never be. More fool me, eh. I'll never judge again. AIBU to feel like I'm failing at this having 2 kids gig or does anyone else find it rough?

I’ve only got one two-year-old. Today I got him in the pram by giving him a Tupperware of chocolate brownies to carry and yesterday he ate a massive handful of Pringles because I didn’t hide them fast enough and his whine is neverending.

Oh God yes, every time. Our son has exclusively eaten croissant dough from a can for the last three days.

We have to cut it with a tractor shaped biscuit cutter, which he considers his 'best friend'.

Mine are 2.5 and 7 months. They are hard bloody work. I got in trouble today for giving the toddler toast cut in squares when he had asked for squares 🤷‍♀️

No words of wisdom, but I'm in those trenches with you OP 👊🏼

I only have one 3.5 year old and it feels like this a lot to me too. It must be so much harder with a baby too. Please don't be too hard on yourself, being a mum I'd really difficult!

2 is such a testing age op. And you have a LO as well, it's alot for him as well. I think many of us have been there and can tell you it will get better. If he has a few less than nutritional meals for now, it's completely fine. It won't last forever. I remember my ds loved the word no at that age. Everything was a battle. But he's 6 and a sweet little boy now.

I was The Perfect Parent. Until I had kids 🤣. There was going to be severely limited screen time, lovely cake baking and crafting, skips through fields. Organic everything hand crafted meals. I would impart my worldly wisdom upon them and they would look up at me in awe.

Now I fling the ipad at the asd one at 5am so I can get some bloody sleep before working full time. The eldest lives on the xbox because we allowed all of his buddy gang online during covid and their diet is whatever they'll bloody well eat.

I love them very much but have given up on so called perfect parenting.

Motherhood is hard; it's stressful and its tiring. Im on my own with DC 5 and 2 and i frequently feel like a crap mum whos failing her kids. But I think its about trying your best, picking your battles and hoping you're getting it right most of the time....
A lot of bribery is involved... 'read this book with me and then you can have 10 minutes of tv'... or eat 3 mouthfuls of broccoli and I'll let you have some ice cream'.

You are not failing. Having a 2yo and 6mo is exhausting. If the 2yo ate chips all day today, well never mind he ate and it won't be everyday.

He had 4 different food types today: chips puffs fruit and ice cream. Win!

Not sure about the rest though, why you’re in charge of the tv so just leave it off. If he really can’t manage his emotions around it… I hate to say it… no tv and that problem falls away.

Never negotiate on getting in the pram. ‘Help’ him get in. I wouldn’t even try and bribe or negotiate on that one though I always give a 2 minute warning so no surprise transitions.

I’d say - beware of giving in too much. Boundaries (sensible ones) help him learn how to manage himself. I recommend the Janet Lansbury podcast Unruffled.

Overall though, small age gaps are hard! If they are loved that is the main thing.

This is absolutely why one child is enough for me.

And I make no apologies for it and pay no heed to people that bang on about only children being sad and lonely etc. I couldn’t be doing with this.

Hats off to you OP and others, you are amazing!

My boys have the same age gap and I could have written your post this time last year. Having two under three nearly broke me, it was the hardest thing I’ve done. Don’t put pressure on yourself.

Now my youngest is coming up to 20 months I feel like I’ve come up for air and my life is slowly getting easier by the month and so much more enjoyable. I love being a parent now but I know if you’d have asked me last year id have had a different answer.

You’ve got this 💪

I'm basically the type of mother I judged and said I'd never be.

This x 1000

Motherhood is so easy before you have the kids.

That’s hilarious ☺️Adorable

Hmm, sorry but you are being your own worst enemy here.

I guess I am a massive cowbag but I just didn't give in with things like that.

What are you scared will happen if you don't put Paw Patrol on? I genuinely don't understand why you would do that. I put the TV in the loft when one of ours started to be a pest about telly.

It's bloody hard work, so you must pick your battles. I remember those years well, and not with nostalgia. More like ptsd!

You are in the Survival Zone at those ages.

Pick your battles otherwise you won't make it

Sounds like you're doing great - just embrace it and try to shrug off the bloody mum guilt so you can enjoy being free to "give in" however much you bloody well want to.

2 year Olds are starting to see themselves apart from you!
They want to assert themselves.

Dont fight anything... they forget in two weeks unless you make them dig in, remind them and cause a war.

You hide veg in sauses.
You give little snacks a variety...out like tapas.. don't force or mention.

Sometimes you use the tablet or TV to get food in.

You don't withhold TV you build it into the routine so he knows he gets it !

Don't push anything unless necessary .

Don't stress and don't worry.
One has to be so so flexible with little one's!one day they'adore X food the next day they spit it out.

Sorry yes but I agree that sounds like failing. You need to make some changes to your parenting pronto or your life is just going to get harder and harder

• two mins not two Weeks

Thanks OP, your post has made me feel better after a particularly difficult day with my two toddlers! As a previous poster said, pick your battles. I once heard someone say that if you can end the day with "everyone fed and nobody dead" then you've done ok

I wouldnt worry about the tv, but try and let him see you eat healthy snacks and meals. Dont try and get him to have any, they usually are tempted eventually by what youve got, as long as you dont make a big deal of it. Dont praise or criticise

Shes got a 2yo and 6mo she isnt failing.
she's taking the easy option sometimes as we all do. Shes on here worried and giving a damn about her parenting which is more than some parents

Where do you draw the line

I definitely had days like this but I always tried to start afresh the next day. Put it behind you and think of something to do tomorrow that gets them away from the TV or a new meal you can try. It will get easier but not straight away so you have to think positively and tomorrow is another day after all.

Shes probably scared the 2yo will have a massive tantrum, usually at the point where she is trying to breastfeed or get the 6mo down for a nap....
Its easy to say you wont give in when you have the time and energy to reason with a 2yo or follow through with your threats and the subsequent tantrums and fall outs.

Absolutely not failing. Think of all the wins.
Are they clean (ish), warm, hydrated? Have you been to the park recently for a bit of outdoors? Have you got plans in mind over the next few months?

You're doing Bentham you think.

A word of gentle advice from a seasoned mum of 4...never make food a battle ground. It can destroy your soul. Look at nutrition over a week. Make sure they have access to the full range of food. And repeat. Make nice food for yourself, you're modelling that. It's important you eat well. Kids have phases and different taste buds. What they liked last week is gross this week, unless you are blessed with a foodie.