To think children’s parties are getting a bit much?!

[AnotherWorriedMummy]

Growing up, parties were always in people’s homes or gardens. Occasionally we might have gone to a soft play or swimming party but it wasn’t the norm.

None of us had particularly big houses or gardens and it just worked?! Snacky lunch, a few party games…

Now that I have my own children I am totally overwhelmed by parties. Is a party in the house/garden ok or do parents expect a bit more?!

The ones we have attended have been in hired venues and have had magicians, bouncy castles, a baby sensory class, etc.

And don’t get me started on balloon arches! 🙄

So AIBU to host my daughter’s party at home and just let the children play with toys, maybe play a few games?!

Agree with you, starts even with first birthday parties. YANBU to suggest what you propose.

You're right, none of my kids have ever been to a party at someone's home. Honestly, I feel like I've dodged a bullet on that front because I can't think of much worse than 30 kids tearing around my home and having to orchestrate party games but I would be thrilled that someone deflated the party arms race with a proper at-home party.

YANBU to have the party at home, but I hired a venue for mine because it was easier, not because it was fancy!

I agree about balloon arches. Each to their own but they’re really bad environmentally and just seem a bit of a pointless pollutant.

My DC have been to parties in houses where they watch a film and have snacks or there's a bouncy castle in the garden or a paddling pool or whatever. We've also been to soft play parties, swimming, bowling, etc.

Just do whatever kind of party suits your DC and your budget, personally I prefer to have venue parties for my DC as I don't want the work of setting up and tidying up.

It doesn't really matter what the parents expect, the parties are for the children. Some of the parties that my children enjoyed the most were the ones at friends houses which were more relaxed.

We held a proper old fashioned birthday party for my 3 year old DS. A party tea, cake, party bags, jelly and ice cream etc and party games - they all loved it! So did the parents!

Was a bit of a squeeze in our small house but it was great fun; would definitely do this in future. So much cheaper than halls, entertainers, balloon arches etc.

I can see why a hall is good as children get bigger or you do all-class parties, but if you’re able/willing to do your own party games, buffet or play some music that’s more than enough, and far more affordable.

There was a near-identical thread a few days ago, balloon arches and all.

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You do you OP. As a parent I think the main thing is that the kids enjoy themselves, and that often has little to do with balloon arches and visits from Elsa.

Have whatever party you want. It is that simple.

For what it's worth, I'm hosting my 4 year old's birthday at home this weekend. It's going to be very old school, none of the stuff you've mentioned.

We’ve had ours at home / in the garden the last few years because we were in semi lockdown (luckily DC’s birthdays fell in that in between stage) and they were great. About 10% of the price of having a hall party with an entertainer. I asked someone recently how much the parties were costing and the answer was 1k. It’s a lot.

Are you sure you are remembering correctly? Back then you had about 30 kids in your home? I'm almost 40 and remember always having it at some venue or the park with lots of decorations and nice food. People do venues today because you mostly invite the whole class, not pick a few like you seem to remember it from back then. And back then what did the kids actually do, just played party games and ran around. How much more interesting and fun to now have entertainers, water games, pizza making , activities! Some parties may be OTT, but I think parties are much better these days.

I'm 42 and definitely went to whole class parties in people's homes. It was bloody mental and I suspect parents would engineer lie down games like sleeping lion's simply to neck gin have a moment's peace.

Nothing wrong with an at home party if that’s what you want to do. We live in London so for the most part no one has space for that and it is definitely easier to go to the soft play place and have them do everything right down to the party bags including booze for the parents! Bouncy castles and entertainers were the norm for at home parties even when I was a kid though…

There are two American influencers who have the most insane parties I’ve seen for their kids one is named Krista Horton and she has the biggest balloon arches etc for like a 2 year olds party I have ever seen. Hired bar, catering etc. like a mini wedding. I can see why if you follow people like that, you want to somehow emulate it. And then if people in your circle of friends or family do it, then you feel inadequate or like you don’t care as much if you don’t. Luckily we have friends who mostly keep things very low key minus weddings which often cost a fortune and if you don’t do anything big no one really cares. I think activity birthday parties are brilliant - the kids get to experience something different. Climbing wall, laser quest, go karting, horse riding etc. all brilliant. The ones where it’s just hundreds of pounds worth of photogenic balloons and a massive cake and basically a load of photo opportunities I think are daft.

It’s my DD 6th birthday soon! This is the LAST 1 she’s having, the cost of hiring a hall, getting a magician & party bags is £350 & add to that the food £100 (which I am doing myself) & that’s without a balloon arch! It’s beyond ridiculous!

A small home/garden party is what I should’ve gone for! Plus, I’ll get lumbered with30 kids because they’ll just get dropped off🤨

if you can make it work, do one at home & play some games/competitions etc, it will be so much fun & a LOT cheaper.

We’ve not been to any fancy parties

Worst was maybe a bouncy castle in the back garden but we had that growing up so nothing new.

Some people just try to hard at birthday parties.

I did one at home once and had a host of games ready. We managed about 3 games before all the kids buggered off upstairs playing with toys.

I didn’t care as long as every one was happy

Well, they are a bit much. I think I'm slightly guilty there this year. My daughter's last two birthdays were at home with just me and her Dad due to lockdowns so this year I saved and gave her the party she really, really wanted.

However, I did do a party at home once and it was probably OK but it was exhausting and not half as nice as I'd planned in my head so I was a bit mortified.

Either way, if we could all agree no parties that would be great.

I think there is an element of one-upmanship to some children's parties. However, I think the vast majority (and I include my own child's parties in this category) are outsourced due to the horror at the thought of having to entertain a bunch of excited, jelly filled, children.

DH and I are both tax accountants, if the kids want to learn how to do a corporation tax return from a PowerPoint presentation then we're your guys 😂

Otherwise I'd rather stand back and let the professionals entertain them whilst I float about offering coffee and chit chat to the parents and buttering some sandwiches.

That’s so reassuring - thank you everyone!

@Mally100 oh absolutely… we never did this full class invite thing! I’d say 10/15 children max. I agree - my daughter has definitely enjoyed the bouncy castles and magicians… but the cost is mad. And you’d have to keep it up each year 😅

And yes I agree with PP that if you’re inviting the whole class venues are the way to go. We’ve stuck to 10 or less kids at ours at home and they’ve worked well.

My DC prefer the small ones and people’s houses to the big venue ones anyway so it depends what you / your DC are into. Some kids love the entertainers and some find it overwhelming and just want to play with their friends 🤷‍♀️ . But yeah.. I’m very very happy that my DC have never wanted the big entertainer style parties and I didn’t have a choice anyway because of Covid, I feel like I dodged a bullet there. For kids that love them though, I guess there is no harm (unless we’re talking about balloon arches and huge party bags of rubbish because obviously there is a significant environmental cost).

Thank you! It's all so silly to me. Hate it. Husband throws these things for your child, costs hundreds. I just have to go along with it.

One of my kids went to one with a professional photographer, an arts and crafts tipi and a couple of entertainers. The best thing I ever saw at a party when I was a kid was watching a lad who stuffed his face with so much food that when he vomitted the sick shot out of his nose, like a party exocist.

I've been to a fair few childrens parties and I've never seen a ballon arch in real life!

Personally I don't think a home party is worth all the extra effort compared taking them to a soft play - we did it once and a home party and learned the hardway is just so much more work with all the prep before and cleaning up afterwards, plus needing to make sure everyone is entertained. With a softplay you pretty much show up, sit down with a cuppa and have a chat while the kids go nuts and then just leave a couple of hours later!

I do agree with the sentiment though that some are getting out of hand with all the extras people add on!

Honestly, I get the hired venues thing. It's a lot less stress and mess, plus you can't fit a whole class comfortably in most houses so you're limited on who can come.

A lot of the extra bits just seem like excuses to extract money from people under the guise of fun though. Which is well and good if you have money to burn, but when it becomes the expectation it just causes stress and pressure.

I love a kids party. 2 hours of entertainment for my kid and all I have to do is turn up and bring a present. Job done.

I think parents are less inclined these days to spend their valuable weekends hosting messy birthday parties in their house, particularly as nowadays families are less likely to live near grandparents and other potential helpful relatives. Generally speaking people also live in smaller houses, what is "not massive" to you can seem like a mansion to others. We moved to a 3 bed semi when my DS1 was 2.5 but before that we lived in a 2 up 2 down and the lounge was so small you couldn't fit any more than 4 people in there. Plus his birthday was in February so too cold for an outside party.

All class parties are the norm here until about Y2 and i wouldn't want 30 kids in my house/garden tbh. More power to you if you can cope with that I guess! My DS1 is now 7 and will probably just have small parties in our house in future with less than 5 friends. They don't tend to form "close" friendships until they are school age or older. But we've done soft play parties and hired out halls when the kids were younger.

But some parents are splashing out a bit more this year because it's the first time in a couple of years they've been able to host any party at all.

The thing is, in the earlier years you have to be inclusive of the whole class so venues are the way to go. And you would need to entertain the kids hence all the extra. I remember we did big ones back then, because we also included siblings.