To think children’s parties are getting a bit much?!

[AnotherWorriedMummy]

Growing up, parties were always in people’s homes or gardens. Occasionally we might have gone to a soft play or swimming party but it wasn’t the norm.

None of us had particularly big houses or gardens and it just worked?! Snacky lunch, a few party games…

Now that I have my own children I am totally overwhelmed by parties. Is a party in the house/garden ok or do parents expect a bit more?!

The ones we have attended have been in hired venues and have had magicians, bouncy castles, a baby sensory class, etc.

And don’t get me started on balloon arches! 🙄

So AIBU to host my daughter’s party at home and just let the children play with toys, maybe play a few games?!

When DS started reception there were 8 children with birthdays in November. DS was the last so by the time it got to his everyone had done soft play/whacky warehouse places to death.
I chose to hold a party at home (luckily we have a playroom). DS was very much into dinosaurs at the time so all the traditional party games were adapted to a dinosaur theme (eg pin the horn on the triceratops). I also set up a volcano activity where we filled roasting tins with wet sand, made a hollow and put bicarb down it then let the children take turns to pour vinegar and red food colour into it to create lava. They loved it and wanted to have multiple goes. Food was turkey dinosaurs and chips followed by chocolate moose with dinosaur bone chocolate shapes hidden in it. It wasn't a whole class party but we had 10 children and parents didn't stay. Everyone loved it and it wasn't too stressful - apart from doing the artwork for the games!

Around here whole class parties in R and Y1, a couple in Y2. All in halls with an entertainer of some sort.

As they get older and parties smaller mine have been to a few 'at home' parties but no more than around ten kids.

I can't think of anything worse than a whole class party in my house!

We've been to a few parties in people's houses. Personally I chose to not have a party at home as I didn't want a ton of kids wrecking the place and sometimes 10/15 kids can mean up to 30 people with parents wanting to hang around. We went to one party where the mum had invited 30 kids with a picnic at the park planned but it was typical British weather so all 50 of us were crammed in her 2 bedroom house in the pouring rain.

We hired a local sports hall that did a 2 hour package of toys and bouncy castles that cost £60, I had to sort all the food and found it really stressful. We did a soft play party that was about £10 per child but everything was included we just showed up with the cake, I had a small baby at the time so it was perfect for us. I did a entertainer party this year so I just provided food but found it stressful so I prefer to do package parties where I don't need to worry about catering as I'm not a natural host and find it very stressful.

My daughters best friend always has a party at home, the mum never worries she just does some food and Plans loads of party games, I wish I could be that person but I'm not!

IME at-home parties are now less common, which is great as they have lots of novelty value. We've done them at home with traditional party games and they've been a great success, but my weeny house means that we can fit in a max of 12 DC including the birthday person.

YABU though to "just let the children play with toys". There's something about the word "party" that turns even the nicest little guests ever so slightly manic/feral. You'll need some structure to avoid chaos and crying (you AND them).

I've never seen a balloon arch at a party.. im feeling short changed ! We have done venues as winter birthdays so easier in the rain but they haven't been mega expensive. Leisure centre sports hall with a bouncy castle they put up for parties and a side room for our own food. Blow up a few balloons for the side room and themed plates ... done ! No more than £150 ish £200 max which I realize isn't cheap but not the stupid money people are talking about.

Was like this when my kids were small and they are now 17 and 18.

I went to one where the parents hired a sports club function room, had banners custom made for the walls, a projector slide show of pics of the bday girl, balloon display with a hashtag frame for pics, food provided by a caterer, Disney entertainer came for an hour, three tier cake. It cost about £950 all in which I find is a lot. The kids just wanted to run about with balloons, and the parents spent the first 45 mins until the entertainer got there massively stressed trying to entertain 25 5 year olds who were just sort of batting balloons around the room listlessly to each other, at least 5 kids were really unsettled and their parents stayed and they just sat on the parents knee and were overwhelmed, then the food got destroyed and kids literally ate one piece of pizza or one triangle sandwich off their plates. So much waste. Party bags had beanie boos and American candy and all sorts, probably £200 worth. The entertainer managed to get about half the kids attention but the other half sat with parents or played with balloons. Two kids sat on dad’s knees on tablets the whole time, maybe they were SEN not sure but they were just over stimulated whatever it was, no judgement from me! Then the cake came and the family sort of did a photo shoot of the parents siblings and birthday child with a pro photographer who was trying to not get other kids in the shots as I think they’d have needed permission forms etc to take pics of all the kids?!! The other kids hovered for 15 mins whilst they had photos done. It was just weirdly pitched for 5 year olds and I don’t think the family will be doing it again from what they’ve said. They were disappointed the other parents present didn’t get ‘more involved’ ie taking pics with the balloons display, taking pics of their kids with the birthday girl etc. also the mum mentioned that she thought people would have dressed up more - lots of kids just in joggers and tops and crocs, perfectly fine play clothes! I did say I don’t think having a party 11-1 for a load of year 1 kids on a Saturday morning would encourage a black tie type dress code!

It’s definitely easier to hire a venue that does an activity and food for you. It’s not about being fancy but about two working parents trying to manage the stress and planning by outsourcing.

@FourTeaFallOut that made me snort 😂

I really didn’t realise whole class parties were a thing. 😅My daughter doesn’t start school until next year so it’s just a case of a small group and friends that she can actually name from nursery!!!

I don't really recognise the scale of party you mention (£1k ). Mine are primary school aged and have attended a mix of parties at home and soft play / trampoline park / park cafe with a bouncy castle / laser quest type parties.

I think smaller homes and less family help locally (and more FT working mothers) is the main part of the answer. I absolutely can't afford a house with a garden, but I can afford £200 for a soft play party, and so most of my DCs' parties have not been at home. I think that's reasonably typical, in London at least. I'm not interested in scoring points for the Best Party Ever (although obvs I want my DC to feel pleased with it!), but I love not having to move all my furniture around in advance and then clean up the mess of overexcited children afterwards. 'Just turn up to the venue, carrying a cake' is my favourite kind of party.

We've been to and done all kinds of things over the years - church hall with magician, pool party at local leisure centre, go karting, treasure hunt at activity centre, soft play, game wagon, paint balling, laser tag, cinema, skiing at local dry slope ...

Parties were at home when I was little with party games, sandwiches, jelly and cake!

I don't think the kids mind or care where the party is. I've done some at home, but this year DS wants a bouncy castle and our garden slopes, so we've hired the village playing field and pavilion. I think it'll be lots easier than hosting at home!

YANBU to host your DC party at your house but people can celebrate their children however they feel like, even it it may seem "over the top" to you.

My DD is almost 5, and so far (thankfully!!!) there has only been one soft play birthday party. The rest have all been at parks (for larger parties in the summer), or in friends’ homes. All of her friends have small houses, and ours isn’t massive either, but birthdays at home have been lovely. 3-4 close friends, let the kids run around and explore their friend’s bedroom and play with their toys, maybe play out in the garden for a while while the adults have a glass of wine; pizza, cake, done. Basically it’s a play date with a birthday cake, but the kids seem to find it very special! :D

@Crimesean I agree - they seem to have fun whatever they do which is just lovely.
If my daughters asked for something, like swimming or soft play, I wouldn’t say no. But whilst they’re little and don’t have too much of an opinion then cake and a few games it is 😅

It's a lot different before school - most little kids will prefer smaller groups, so home is better/easier. The few big parties DS has been to (he's 4) have been overwhelming for a lot of the kids, especially soft play ones where there are hordes of bigger kids charging about too.

What a great idea for a party though 😂

At home for 5 or 6 friends here. Craft kit (sticky gems on a crown... = party hat) , pizza, dancing, pin the tail/nose/eyepatch on something, cake, done... couldn't afford anything else, kids (ours and guests) all say it was fun.

I love my kids but I am not a natural parent and the thought of having to entertain ~20 kids, not to mention also host their parents fills me with absolute horror. Far better to book a venue which will also do the food and everyone's happy.

To be clear though, we don't go overboard on decorations or extras. Party hats, napkins a ballon per child to take away (not helium). Job done. IMHO balloon arches and the like are a waste of money.

I had parties at my house growing up because we had a big house, no way could I have more than 5 kids in my house now

• we also had roller skating parties at the leisure centre, swimming parties etc.

I dont think that's changed- whats changed is the attention to detail: party bags and decor and the cakes.

@BeyondMyWits that’s exactly my plan!

My kids are 7 and 5 and I really want to start having the parties at home. And spend less on bday presents for mine and other people’s kids.
with being a single parent to two kids and wanting to be inclusive and fair the avarage party cost was £200 so that’s £400 a year or more! Play gyms, forest schools, halls, bbqs etc And then the kids get invited to around 10-15 parties a year so that’s £200 or more on presents for other kids. That’s £600-800 a year that could be spent on holidays or after school activities instead of trying to impress other parents etc because let’s be honest the kids don’t really care that much.
i really struggle with keeping the costs down as feel i need to invite everyone who invited them, also if I’m friends with the parents, also if they want to include some kids, sometimes siblings if they invited two of mine so include a sibling themselves… so I’d love to just take 2 kids to the cinema etc. But would feel awful for not reciprocating and not including everyone I feel I have to include. But then I ended up feeling annoyed at times when people don’t do the same. And would feel worried my kids don’t get invitations but maybe that’s a good thing!
it’s a minefield!

We had boys (all born within a three week summer period) and knew for a fact that the best party fun a small boy can have, is outdoors involves lots of mess a teensy bit of scary /danger and a lot of high sugar high fat food. The Bazookas birthday parties were known far and wide as the best parties of all. And the messiest. There were no entertainers, no bouncy castles . All our parties were outdoors.

For a 7 yr old's party we stuffed the landrover full of boys, drove to a boating lake, hired lots of rowing boats and put two boys in each and DH fired a cap gun to start the race.

A little guest who is now a very senior Consultant recently said to me dreamily "I still remember the Blind Custard game ". All the little boys wore blindfolds and had a wooden spoon and a bowl of custard. The aim was for each blind boy to eat as much custard as possible, spoon fed by another blind boy.

There was the Up the Amazon party (all guests were advised to wear very old clothes and bring a spare set.) We took them on a long hike up the middle of the burn (river) Everyone fell in a lot , got soaked, and was in heaven. At the end of the hike we'd ties a rope on a tree and they swung from bank to bank on the rope. Much screaming and tarzan whooping. One of the tarzans missed the opposite bank, swung back and forth until his arms got tired then fell off into the surprisingly deep pool below. (Highlight of the party; thank god it was only one of ours and a strong swimmer).

At another party , they scavenged for firewood, made fires, and cooked sausages. The entire menu was burnt/raw sausages and cake.

Minor injuries were dealt with by me and handled bravely by the little boys. These days, we'd probably get arrested for endangering children.

We hired a hall but had party food and games. Hall hire was cheap and I didn't want loads of kids in my house.

YANBU. I don't begrudge anyone doing whatever they want to celebrate their kid's birthday, people can do what they want. But I find it amazing to think how drastically expectations have changed since I was little. Then, I might have a couple of friends over for dinner after school, or maybe a meal at McDonalds (not a party there). Store bought cake. Now it seems like there's the expectation that for every single birthday you'll buy a custom made elaborate cake and hire somewhere at great expense. It honestly amazes me. I feel for parents who really can't afford it but feel they have to.