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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To blame DH for sucking all enjoyment out of our holiday?

68 replies

HedgehogintheFog · 24/05/2022 13:22

Holiday booked. Has been for a long time. Once in a lifetime type trip for us. I am completely fed up with DH’s attitude. We both had some initial reservations purely around how much it cost, but he was definitely not opposed to it in principle.

However, he cannot say a single positive thing about it. It has crept up on us a bit and we now have weddings to attend the two weekends before. Everything to do with the holiday is either too much hassle or about how much money we’re spending.

Conversations go as follows:

”I’m really looking forward to our holiday.”
”I can’t even think about it. Let’s get through this wedding first.”

“You could wear [outfit for wedding next weekend] for activity X on holiday.”
”Oh great, something else I have to take with me.”

“I think X is included in the cost on our holiday.”
”I suppose we’ll have to do that then to get our money’s worth.”

”We could go to Jamaica for what we’re spending.”
”Do you want to go to Jamaica?”
”No.”

I feel any excitement on my part is met with a negative response, to the point that it has completely killed it for me and I am dreading how he’s going to behave when we’re there.

AIBU to feel really annoyed with him for spoiling it for me.

OP posts:
bellac11 · 24/05/2022 20:21

Does he suffer from anticipatory anxiety?

Ask him if he is ok, is he ok? Is there anything he is worried about?

LuckySantangelo35 · 24/05/2022 20:30

This reply has been deleted

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

@BattenbergdowntheHatches

Eh? You would be getting jittery ?!

some people really work themselves up about being away from home

bellac11 · 24/05/2022 20:48

Its more the organisation and being prepared in such a short space of time. Im like this at work when Im getting ready to go on leave, the week build up to me being off is very stressful and I get more than jittery.

Aria999 · 24/05/2022 20:49

Lol this was me last time we went away. DH rather reproachfully pointed it out and I tried to change my tune! Traveling is so expensive at the moment, and there is so much to organize especially with small children, it can be hard to see past that to the point where actual fun is had.

If you can, let him tell you how he is actually feeling about it and why, so that any concrete issues can be addressed. And also be frank that his attitude is getting you down.

PinkSyCo · 24/05/2022 20:57

Sorry OP but your post made me laugh, especially the Jamaica part. I get that it wouldn’t be so funny if I were in your shoes mind you. Saying that I do get anxious about going away and I wouldn’t have the headspace to ‘get through’ 2 weddings in the two weeks prior to leaving. I would find it quite overwhelming and wonder if your DH is the same. Still not nice for you, but once you’re on your way hopefully he might relax and you both get to enjoy your holiday.

bellac11 · 24/05/2022 21:02

PinkSyCo · 24/05/2022 20:57

Sorry OP but your post made me laugh, especially the Jamaica part. I get that it wouldn’t be so funny if I were in your shoes mind you. Saying that I do get anxious about going away and I wouldn’t have the headspace to ‘get through’ 2 weddings in the two weeks prior to leaving. I would find it quite overwhelming and wonder if your DH is the same. Still not nice for you, but once you’re on your way hopefully he might relax and you both get to enjoy your holiday.

If it were me I wouldnt go to the weddings, I would find the idea of those stressful but as OP says, its not an option not to go to them. I would be feeling a bit trapped at that stage

MargosKaftan · 24/05/2022 21:03

OP - have you considered that by going on about planning for this trip when there's other stuff going on in the meantime, you might be spoiling it for him?

I couldn't deal with someone expecting me to start packing 3 weeks before I went away. If I needed new things like a new swimming cossie, that's one thing to think about, but if you have everything already, and he's told you he doesn't want to think about it until after the weddings, why won't you let him do it his way?

To me it reads like you've taken something fun and focused on making it a massive chore and more work then it needs to be. That might be part of the fun for you, but its clearly not for him.

HedgehogintheFog · 24/05/2022 21:12

I couldn't deal with someone expecting me to start packing 3 weeks before I went away.

It was him that said we needed to start packing, not me! He got the cases down from the loft and started piling things up at the end of the bed. 🤷🏼‍♀️ It’s only when I start mentioning any ideas of what we’re going to do / how nice it will be on the actual holiday that there’s an issue.

OP posts:
BackToTheTop · 25/05/2022 08:13

Is he like this about everything or just the holiday (and the wedding by the sounds of things)

Roselilly36 · 25/05/2022 08:19

Is he under financial pressure? Everything ok with his job? Does he have form for being a misery guts? I would just stop talking about the holiday, once you get there he will probably be fine, if not and he’s still a misery, remind him the money has been has already been spent so you might as well enjoy it.

Roselilly36 · 25/05/2022 08:21

That’s a point my DH never looks forward to going on hols, as he loves being at home, but he is always fine once we are there, enjoy your holiday OP.

Harrysutton · 25/05/2022 08:27

Everyone approached holidays differently. I look forward to them for months, plan ahead and book well in advance. The week or so before I go I get a feeling of dread that I try to hide. Wonder why I booked it and wish I was staying at home. Then I get to the airport and am fine.
DH rolls his eyes at my forward planning but gets excited the week before while I’m hiding my dread and won’t shut up about it. I listen and nod while quietly dreading inside.
Maybe your DH has the dread. I’m sure you’ll have a fantastic holiday once you get there.

BestDove · 25/05/2022 08:36

Tell him to stay home. I’ve now banned my DH from coming to an annual Christmas event with me and our DC…

””It’s dark/cold/late”
”This traffic is going to take ages”
”I don’t see why we’re doing this”
”The kids will be really tired”
”There’s a similar event much closer to home”
”It’s such a trek from the car park”
”Hmmm, I wouldn’t have chosen this [dinner]”
”No, I’ll stay here [whilst I take DC on fairground rides]

So next year he can stay home and not be a fun sponge whilst we enjoy ourselves!!! 🤦🏼‍♀️

PandaOrLion · 25/05/2022 08:40

He sounds anxious - which is understandable when it’s been a long time since there’s been holidays too.

Have you both talked about his responses? I know that DH stresses he will have to plan stuff beforehand (but is fine to plan whilst there or be spontaneous) so if we talk about holidays beforehand we acknowledge that.

JosephdeMaistre · 26/05/2022 10:40

Going by some of these comments it seems like mumsnetters would rather be married to a walking atm automaton than a human being with their own thoughts and feelings

KarmaStar · 26/05/2022 11:04

Something else is troubling him.

catscatscatseverywhere · 26/05/2022 11:11

Looks like he's stressed with how much money all this is going to cost. I guess you initially planned holiday and then two weddings came up?

potniatheron · 26/05/2022 11:12

I would stop tlaking about it for a week and see what happens. It may be that he is passive agressively pushing back at your 'cajoling'. No adult likes to be the butt of "you'll have a lovely time, won't you??" tweeness. Not saying that is what you're doing but it may be how he's taking it.

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