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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To blame DH for sucking all enjoyment out of our holiday?

68 replies

HedgehogintheFog · 24/05/2022 13:22

Holiday booked. Has been for a long time. Once in a lifetime type trip for us. I am completely fed up with DH’s attitude. We both had some initial reservations purely around how much it cost, but he was definitely not opposed to it in principle.

However, he cannot say a single positive thing about it. It has crept up on us a bit and we now have weddings to attend the two weekends before. Everything to do with the holiday is either too much hassle or about how much money we’re spending.

Conversations go as follows:

”I’m really looking forward to our holiday.”
”I can’t even think about it. Let’s get through this wedding first.”

“You could wear [outfit for wedding next weekend] for activity X on holiday.”
”Oh great, something else I have to take with me.”

“I think X is included in the cost on our holiday.”
”I suppose we’ll have to do that then to get our money’s worth.”

”We could go to Jamaica for what we’re spending.”
”Do you want to go to Jamaica?”
”No.”

I feel any excitement on my part is met with a negative response, to the point that it has completely killed it for me and I am dreading how he’s going to behave when we’re there.

AIBU to feel really annoyed with him for spoiling it for me.

OP posts:
AlternativePerspective · 24/05/2022 16:34

Good god what a load of dramatic responses.

Remove himself? Divorce him? Seriously? All because he’s not whipping himself up into an excited frenzy over a holiday which has cost them a fortune at a time when it’s almost possible to watch prices rise.

BatshitBanshee · 24/05/2022 16:34

If you want to go on the holiday, go on your own and leave him off to do what he wants in his misery. If he continues this carry on while you're on holiday it's going to be even more infuriating.

NewandNotImproved · 24/05/2022 16:36

Why not remove himself? Whining at OP about it isn’t the ideal option when he could, instead, fuck off and let her enjoy the holiday with someone else, or just herself? He’s made it quite clear that he hates the idea.

BatshitBanshee · 24/05/2022 16:36

AlternativePerspective · 24/05/2022 16:34

Good god what a load of dramatic responses.

Remove himself? Divorce him? Seriously? All because he’s not whipping himself up into an excited frenzy over a holiday which has cost them a fortune at a time when it’s almost possible to watch prices rise.

No, he's actually just being an arsehole about it and not actually saying what his issue directly is just a load of snarky responses because he wants to ruin it for everyone instead of saying let's give the wedding a miss or actually do you think we can really afford it? He's being a petulant child and I wouldn't tolerate that behaviour.

Attwoodsladyfriend · 24/05/2022 16:38

Stop talking about it.

Aquamarine1029 · 24/05/2022 16:42

He's being a tit for sure, but some people do get extremely anxious on the lead up to a holiday. Leaving the house, the travel, flying, etc, etc... Could this be what's going on?

Natty13 · 24/05/2022 16:45

He sounds like he's got a lot on his mind with all these things planned. Yes he's totally being a grumpy arse but which of us can honestly say we are never grumpy?

I'd stop bringing up the holiday for a bit, be excited yourself and stop trying to bring him into it/cajole him. That might help. I'd find it stressful thinking about 2 weekends in a row then a holiday not to mention the pressure to be excited on top of that when all I can think is all the things I need to do for it all so my DH would definitely just leave me alone to quietly get myself together then we would have a good time when it did come round.

Oblomov22 · 24/05/2022 16:58

Why don't you just tell him?
"You are sucking all the joy out of this, and making me miserable. Do you not want to come? "

HedgehogintheFog · 24/05/2022 17:33

To address a few points:

Holiday is in less than three weeks. Some conversations are necessary, because we are busy the next two weekends (see above) and need to make sure we have everything we need (hence me suggesting an outfit for him), the right laundry done etc. and we have started packing already.

We have not put ourselves into debt for this holiday, but I admit we are both a lot more concerned now in general about finances and the cost of living crisis than we were when this was booked over a year ago. However, it is fully paid, completely non-refundable and largely inclusive, so there is very limited additional spending and we will be sensible with what there is.

Apart from one weekend away in October 2020, it is our first holiday in five years.

Holiday is centred around something we both enjoy but is actually more DH's interest than mine, which makes his attitude all the more annoying.

Skipping the weddings is not an option. I also recognise it is not the most convenient scheduling for us, but there is nothing we can do about it.

He does get very anxious about leaving the house overnight, and I am sensitive to that, but I also feel there is a need for some give and take there.

I don't think I'll need to bring it up again for a few days, but I will definitely let him know before we leave that it will really impact my enjoyment of the holiday if I think he doesn't want to be there.

OP posts:
gettingolderandgrumpy · 24/05/2022 17:42

BarbaraofSeville · 24/05/2022 15:46

Divorce him and find a nice husband to go on holiday with.

Helpful!!

UneFoisAuChalet · 24/05/2022 18:01

My husband has been like this for the last two years. He used to say his father was a miserable git. For example ‘hey grandad, what are your plans for Christmas?’ Response: ‘I bloody hate Christmas, can’t wait till it’s over.’ Ad infinitum. DH is apparently turning into his father.

We’re also going on holiday this week for the first time and it’s whinge whinge whinge. I told him last night I wasn’t prepared to spend the rest of my life with a misery guts so he needs to rethink his attitude of late. Yes, he has a lot on and so do I, but no I’m not going to have the joy sucked out of everything for much longer.

UneFoisAuChalet · 24/05/2022 18:02

*going on holiday for the first time since Covid.

Justkidding55 · 24/05/2022 18:41

Maybe you are going on about it too much.

hopeishere · 24/05/2022 18:47

Is it a cruise?

DH is a post holiday joy sucker - it was too expensive, accommodation was crap, people were awful. I now take the piss out of him and tell him he's spoiling my memories.

Imissmoominmama · 24/05/2022 18:47

He sounds a bit overwhelmed. Weddings (as guests) can be expensive and perhaps he hadn’t budgeted for that.

Does he like going to weddings? Tbh, two, right before a holiday, would stress me out too!

Swayingpalmtrees · 24/05/2022 19:05

He didn't want to go.
He resents you for spending so much money on it.
This is clearly not a trip of a lifetime for him, he sounds like he is dreading it to me.

I would stop talking about it and hope he enjoys it when he gets there.

Blowyourowntrumpet · 24/05/2022 19:09

Bloody hell, he sounds exactly like my DH. "I hate the travelling, I can't stand waiting around at the airport, why do we always get twats in the next room?". I told him that he's a miserable bastard.

MrBoldwood · 24/05/2022 19:13

he is being an arse, he’s resentful and angry. Can you go with someone else? I call it out straight away. “Do you want to go on this holiday?” “If you don’t, perhaps you could ask for a refund.”

AgathaX · 24/05/2022 19:15

We'll, he's being a miserable arse. But, are you going on about it? Is he worried about money? Stressed with work? Annoyed at going to two expensive weddings?

MichelleScarn · 24/05/2022 19:18

JudgeJ · 24/05/2022 16:13

Why should be be cross-examined? Maybe he would prefer to go on his own!

Those questions make it sound like an interview to go on a training or further education course not a holiday!

LuckySantangelo35 · 24/05/2022 19:18

Swayingpalmtrees · 24/05/2022 19:05

He didn't want to go.
He resents you for spending so much money on it.
This is clearly not a trip of a lifetime for him, he sounds like he is dreading it to me.

I would stop talking about it and hope he enjoys it when he gets there.

Poor soul. He’s being dragged on holiday. Bless his little cotton socks

collieresponder88 · 24/05/2022 19:41

Go without him he sound miserable

Blarting · 24/05/2022 20:09

What a fun sponge he is!

StColumbofNavron · 24/05/2022 20:16

We’re going with DH this year.

BattenbergdowntheHatches · 24/05/2022 20:18

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