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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

By asking him to delete a certain girl off Instagram

34 replies

Radandsad · 24/05/2022 05:49

So when I was 9 months pregnant with our child literally a day before I gave birth I caught him sending flirty texts to a young girl. I found out they had worked together, because I gave birth the next day I never had the time to really talk it out but I was heartbroken.

We split up but it was at the start of the pandemic so he was stuck with me. 6 months down the line a friend of friend saw a picture of him at her birthday party, looking pretty loved up. I cut all ties with him then and told him to get out. She told me they were just friends and the jokes were just banter. Around a year passed and he wanted to get back together, he told me he was working on himself etc.

The past year has been really different but again our mutual friend had seen a message from him to her that she screenshot. He told me it’s nothing like that, I told him he needed to delete her off social media as it’s disrespectful to me. He agreed but it’s just come back up and it turns out he hasn’t deleted her. He told me no one can tell him what to do, he said he can manage his own relationships and does the necessary for us?
In all honesty I’ve checked out once I discovered they were in touch but am I unreasonable to have asked him to delete her

OP posts:
MushNoPeas · 24/05/2022 05:51

Thing is even deleting her from his SM wouldn't stop him flirting with her if he wanted to.

Radandsad · 24/05/2022 05:54

You know what this is true, I just felt so disrespected the whole time we had been working on our relationship they had the chance to be in touch

OP posts:
RunawayPea · 24/05/2022 05:56

Even if she was deleted they could still chat and message and even meet up if they wanted. I think the bigger issue is he still likes her clearly.

Moodycow78 · 24/05/2022 06:02

Sounds like you've done all you can and given him every chance to create a family with you and your DC and he's pissed it up to walk again. Under usual circumstances yes it's unreasonable to expect to have a say on who your FP adds on SM. These are not usual circumstances, he was flirting with her the day before you gave birth FFS. Now we all understand why you stayed with him at that time but you're not so vulnerable now. No YNBU xx

PurpleDaisies · 24/05/2022 06:02

How many times do you need him to show you who he his before you believe him?

He’s not going to cut ties with this girl. You obviously don’t trust him (with good reason by the sounds of it) so what’s the point in trying to continue a romantic relationship?

Shoxfordian · 24/05/2022 06:02

Yabu to be with someone you can’t trust - he could delete her today, readd her tomorrow and keep texting her the whole time - yabu as well to tell someone who they can and can’t have on their social media anyway- as you don’t and shouldn’t trust him then break up

Moodycow78 · 24/05/2022 06:02

Up the wall that should have been!

PAFMO · 24/05/2022 06:05

I doubt they are just friends.

Partial2Cake · 24/05/2022 06:07

Trust is gone and he can flirt with her in other ways even if he did delete her on social media where there is a will there is a way. That gesture may have helped you feel trust but it would have been temporary before the next thing. I think the relation has had its day and better to aim to co-parent well only.

LaBellina · 24/05/2022 06:08

You can make him delete her from social media but you can’t make him delete her from his life unless he chooses to. Sorry but I think you can’t trust him and managing his social media contacts won’t solve that issue.

girlmom21 · 24/05/2022 06:21

At the very least he's a flirt who lies and doesn't respect you.

Aubriella · 24/05/2022 06:23

Ugh he’s disgusting. I’m glad you’ve checked out, Make it official and dump him. He hasn’t moved back in has he?

Radandsad · 24/05/2022 06:24

He hasn’t moved back in, we were discussing it. I’m just so disappointed, I put my whole heart into making this work, but I never trusted him and I was right not to. He has just ruined everything

OP posts:
Snowflakes1122 · 24/05/2022 06:26

By young girl, how young are we talking? A teen? If so, I’d be doing more than asking him to delete her!

Radandsad · 24/05/2022 06:35

Not a teenager, just a 20 year old….

OP posts:
User354354 · 24/05/2022 06:37

Just leave. He is not in love with you, you don't trust him. You deserve someone who does not make you feel this way.

Blarting · 24/05/2022 06:38

Honestly OP, this is not way to live, get rid.

PurpleFlower1983 · 24/05/2022 06:39

Life’s too short to be with someone you don’t trust, it’s even more important when kids are involved.

NotAnotherUserName5 · 24/05/2022 06:45

So she is just 20? How old is your DH? I recall being that age and creepy older men trying to take advantage of my naivety.

Your DH certainly isn’t coming across well with this behaviour, sorry OP.

rocketfromthecrypt · 24/05/2022 06:50

He's just not that into you.

Mally100 · 24/05/2022 06:53

PurpleDaisies · 24/05/2022 06:02

How many times do you need him to show you who he his before you believe him?

He’s not going to cut ties with this girl. You obviously don’t trust him (with good reason by the sounds of it) so what’s the point in trying to continue a romantic relationship?

Exactly. Why do you keep running after him? I'm not sure what else you need to see? He's taking you for a fool, has no respect but he knows that you will keep taking him back.

IRunbecauseILikeCake · 24/05/2022 06:56

If he's got form for this, deleting a girl of any SM doesn't change the character or tendencies. If I was you I could never take him back. Ask yourself honestly: could you ever fully trust him again?

GabriellaMontez · 24/05/2022 07:07

he said he can manage his own relationships

Yes. And so can you. As he continues to disrespect your relationship you're absolutely right to end things with him. And don't have him back, he can't be trusted. How old is he?

Thesefeetaremadeforwalking · 24/05/2022 07:12

You can't make him delete her OP, but you certainly can delete him.

Please don't waste any more of your time on him.

Herejustforthisone · 24/05/2022 07:15

He’s vile. What kind of a morally devoid scumbag does that when his partner is literally about to give birth?