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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a neurological typical 8 year old should know stealing is wrong.

49 replies

Reallytired · 12/01/2008 18:36

I caught my 8 year old nephew stealing money from my 6 year old's son money box. I was absolutlely furious, but my sil thinks I am over reacting.

I feel that the little boy should be punished by his parents. I think his parents are letting him down by not taking it seriously. It was only about 50p that he stole, but its the principle.

The age for criminal responsibly is stupidly low in this country. (I believe its about 10 years old?) If he stole sweets from a shop, the consequences could be really nasty for him.

OP posts:
2shoes · 12/01/2008 18:39

ffs an 8 year old would no it was wrong. are his parents not going to punish him?

elliephant · 12/01/2008 18:50

I think while he might know its wrong he is still yound enough to think its ok to put his own interest first. Think they've outlawed child hanging for stealing sweets.

Beetroot · 12/01/2008 18:52

dd who is 8 KNOWS it is wrong

Beetroot · 12/01/2008 18:53

elleiphant - sorry that is rubbish

and the second bit is silly

Twiglett · 12/01/2008 18:56

I believe (though haven't got there yet) that this is a 'testing the boundaries' phase

what exactly have the parents done .. have they talked to him about it? as long as they are acknowledging to him that it is wrong then maybe the whole punishment angle is just about the extent of the punishment

ahundredtimes · 12/01/2008 18:56

Yes, he should know it is wrong at 8.

And he should be taught that his DESIRE cannot and should not win out over knowing that.

Is he quite impulsive? I think quite a lot of children can be light-fingered.

They need a quick hard lesson to re-navigate their moral compass imho.

FluffyMummy123 · 12/01/2008 18:56

Message withdrawn

Karen999 · 12/01/2008 18:57

The age of criminal responsibility is 8 (well, it is in Scotland)

FluffyMummy123 · 12/01/2008 18:58

Message withdrawn

ahundredtimes · 12/01/2008 18:58

I nicked from my parents

DS1 has picked up coins here. We found out, we came down HARD. He had to pay us back WITH INTEREST, quite a lot of interest, took him weeks.

DS1 just thought he'd get away with it I think, and he is very desirous. Not any more though . . .

FluffyMummy123 · 12/01/2008 18:59

Message withdrawn

FrannyandZooey · 12/01/2008 18:59

it is very normal to steal things at this age

obviously you explain it is not ok but draconian punishments are not the answer IMO

ahundredtimes · 12/01/2008 18:59

I don't think she is. I think he needs to be reminded that he can't help himself to other people's money just because he CAN doesn't mean he SHOULD.

ahundredtimes · 12/01/2008 19:01

Oh no? We were quite draconian, but Ds1 is rather impulsive.

Me and Dh made a mint.

elliephant · 12/01/2008 19:06

8 year old do things even when they know it is wrong. Obviously I don't condone that and would take action. However I don't believe that makes them neurologically unsound. IMO children need direction and intervention at this age not criminalization.

ahundredtimes · 12/01/2008 19:10

Did anyone say he was neurologically unsound?

Anyway, I'm tough about it.

Mind you - I did suggest to him that if thought he wasn't getting enough pocket money then we could have a scheme so he could make more money. And so now when he does need more money for something my kitchen floor gleams, and the dishwasher is always empty.

soapbox · 12/01/2008 19:11

Ahundredtimes - isn't charging exorbitant rates of interest to a minor also technically theft

ahundredtimes · 12/01/2008 19:12

[airy]

Oh is it soapy?

Dh was the baliff once a week too. He wore a pork pie hat.

Mind you I suppose it was all our money to start with wasn't it? [scratches head]

elliephant · 12/01/2008 19:13

ahundred times, yes the title of this thread is AIBU "To think a neurological typical 8 year old should know stealing is wrong"

FrannyandZooey · 12/01/2008 19:15

I think our posts crossed 100, I wasn;t thinking of you when i said draconian

I think IME stealing can be about self-esteem. Wanting things that other children have. Feeling like you have not got 'enough' in your life. This age is a difficult age IMO and isn't often given credit for being so - not like teenagehood. I think coming down hard on children of this age can give them the message that they are 'bad' - depends on how it is done of course, but it is an impressionable age.

I'm not talking about any examples on this thread except perhaps the OP, when i say this. I am thinking of situations from my own childhood and from my experience as a nanny.

ahundredtimes · 12/01/2008 19:15

Which means this boy is neurologically typical, ie. he doesn't have Aspergers or ADHD or NVLD etc etc, and should therefore have a clear understanding of what is required in different social situations.

FrannyandZooey · 12/01/2008 19:16

ah but the OP wasn;t just asking whether the child should know it was wrong (It think we all agree he should and indeed did)

her stance was that he should know it is wrong, should be able to control himself at all times and act in the correct way, and should be punished hard if he can't do it

bit different isn't it

Original poster
Reallytired · 12/01/2008 19:17

Its very much my business if a little sh!t steals money from my son in MY house.

"IMO children need direction and intervention at this age not criminalization. "

I agree. I have never said he should get a criminal record, but I do feel the child should be made to say sorry to my son. If it was my son, I would punish him for this type of action.

If a young teenager steals from a shop, they might get off with a formal caution. However if 15 years later they want to work with children the caution will come up on their CRB check.

Many employers are only prepared to employ those with a perfect record, if they are working with vunerable people. This might be seem a bit dragonian, but its life.

OP posts:
Peachy · 12/01/2008 19:18

I punish my SN 8 year old if he steals, he has to learn. Mind you he takes from shops and I could end up in serious shite for that. Plus he stole matches once and set fire to the carpet.

YANBU

ahundredtimes · 12/01/2008 19:19

Yes Franny, I agree with you, I think there's often a mix of attention seeking in it too, and that relates to the self-esteem thing in a way.

I also think that with DS1 he thought he could, and that he'd get away with it, and was being a bit sly and dramatic.

That's why I came down on him as we did - not 'you are a terrible person who makes bad moral choices' but 'listen up, you don't have all the answers, you won't get away with it, you're not half as clever as you think.'

It made sense at the time, but I might be wrong. But it was silly because he was picking up change because he wanted to buy these books at school - BOOKS fgs! That was why I said 'okay, you need more money, here's how to go about it.'