Best friend?

[teaandtoastwithmarmite]

Hello I could really do with some perspective please. My bf of nearly 40 years has been quite weird with me for some time. She started with brexit and the tories and kept sending me links and other stuff. I wasn't interested but we had a mild argument about it. Then Covid happened and gradually she got embroiled in twitter and conspiracy theories. We had a big falling out in the run up to my wedding. She was my maid of honour and wasn't interested at all. My other bf arranged my hen and she only just came on the night. She actually text me a few days before saying would I be upset if she didn't come as she couldn't afford it. Anyway eventually we made up and I was relieved. Until the Ukraine war. She supports putin and keeps trying to prove to me that Ukraine are wrong etc. now monkey pox and it's starting again.

She has been a good friend over the years and I really don't want to fall out with her but whenever I try to have normal conversation with her it comes back to this and she will say things like have you woken up yet when I haven't even said anything about it.
I hadn't heard from her for a week so messaged her Saturday about an event we both want to go to. She didn't answer. Yesterday I asked if she was ok. She said she had been at work and I replied. Then at midnight she messaged me a link then again this morning at 7. I just said yes let me know about event and she didn't answer. I really don't know what to do about her anymore. We went for food with other friend a couple of weeks ago and she was fine then. We were even joking about her sending me this stuff.
Sorry that is a bit long. Thanks if you got through it

@teaandtoastwithmarmite

She doesn’t respect you. I have lots of friends with different views. We agree to disagree and talk about the things we have in common.

What kind of friendship is it where she doesn’t care enough to respect your feelings?

I think you may be right about her not respecting me. I gave up alcohol after the last of several bad experiences and she said to me you're getting pissed when we go to (event) together though aren't you. I said no and she didn't get it. Even my other bf who is an ardent drinker is being supportive. She argues with my friends on fb as well

I would struggle to bite my tongue to those sort of views, you seem to be doing a great job of being tactful. unfortunately it may be giving her the impression that you agree and when you don't follow through on that she feels messed about. I think you need to be clear those aren't your views and you don't think it's helpful to discuss them.

@autienotnaughty that's a great comment. I have said certain things in the past and she sometimes screenshots them and said see you said this and you called me that. Maybe I need to just not engage.

Like I said putin was nuts and she will say why and send me pictures of him caring for animals saying is this him being nuts?

Tbh she sounds obsessed to the point of mental illness. I think you need to tell her straight. Stop sending conspiracy theory crap because it's ruining the friendship

@Georgeskitchen that's what I'm worried about. That she's mentally ill. She'll probably tell me fine anyway

I've just revisited the thread as she just managed to goad me into a massive text argument and I ended up telling her to F off and let me know when she had stopped being a dick. Just wanted to say all the advice on here really helped.

Hi all, sorry to rehash an old post but after I took your advice we didn't speak for a while. Then I got a voice message from her yesterday and just wanted to see what people thought as everyone was helpful last time. So she said that she hasn't fallen out with me even though I'm the one who went on holiday without telling her when we had arranged something. This was the thing that I was having a dilemma about then she said she prob wouldn't be able to go anyway.
After that she went on to say she has had to distance herself as she doesn't feel I respect her opinions and views and don't take an interest so how can she have an interest in what I do in my life. She feels like more of the truth is coming out and she can't stand by whilst I bury my head in the sand along with all of my other friends. She said she didn't need a response she just wanted to let me know where she is at. I am thinking wtf? I feel like there is nothing left any more. She's not making sense. I haven't done or said anything I just don't think she is making any sense.

One thing jumps out: she says she doesn’t need a response. So it’s pretty easy; you delete and ignore.

Its sad when a friendship ends but this one is dead in the water. I think this has happened to a lot of people. My SIL holds several of the views you mentioned (not supporting Putin) and while we are still family and I love her there are so many off limit topics it’s pretty hard to maintain any closeness.

I think you're right. I felt ok after. Like it's not my fault but now I just feel sad. I'm so worried about her. She said she cares about me too much but how?

And thanks for your reply

TeaandToastwithMarmite I am in the same boat as you! (Also love user name ,my favourite snack too.Our good friends abroad are the same.Just about given up on WhatsApp chats now.Always seem to morph into Conspiracies ,Covid vaccine,Putin, the war and so on ! Really sad we have known them about the same length of time as well.

She feels like you don't respect ehr opinions because you don't. And you shouldn't, because her opinions are not worthy of respect.

OP, it's simple; she's a twat. You don't really want to be her friend anymore, because she's a twat. So don't be.

Who in their right mind supports Putin?

I feel like she's been radicalised by twitter and everyone else she follows. She doesn't respect that I don't want to hear about it. Why send that message though. Why not just fall out with me

~Don't blame Twitter for this! It's her choice. She's being manipulative about it.

I know I mean the things she looks at on there. She started going on there when she was contact napping with her child two years ago and could only look at her phone in the dark. She didn't even add me when she joined but I could see what she was looking at.

Im in a similar boat with a friend of over 30 years. We seem to have reached a more even keel now, but it isnt the same, it is so sad. She really was/is my closest friend.
For those shocked about someone being pro Putin, I think it is that they they think that what we see on the news is being greatly exaggerated and/or Ukraine is a puppet for the evil WEF.

Exactly and I'm sorry to hear you're going through the same. She thinks it's all lies mainly by the bbc and Ukraine propaganda. Her dd is only 4 and I miss her as well plus my dd loved her.

@CallTheMobWife

*She feels like you don't respect ehr opinions because you don't. And you shouldn't, because her opinions are not worthy of respect.

OP, it's simple; she's a twat. You don't really want to be her friend anymore, because she's a twat. So don't be.*

Thank you. This is what I needed to hear ☺️

One thing jumps out: she says she doesn’t need a response. So it’s pretty easy; you delete and ignore.

This ^ wot @MatildaTheCat said.

Let her be. She may recover and come back, she may not. Let her be and don't fash yourself in the meanwhile.

Will do. It's just such a shame. She was my bridesmaid only a year ago. Although she ghosted me in the run up to the wedding so I've given her plenty of chances. I think she'll look back at this and regret it all

Thanks for the advice x

Supporting Trump signals that she is very right wing or racist , it’s a bit more than they’re ‘just different people’. And then supporting as well, who is killing innocents…

Why should OP entertain that shit?