To be really scared of public speaking

[Tigerlily1985]

I have recently been given a big promotion which I am really pleased about. I knew Id have to do more public speaking as part of the job but now it's here I'm terrified.

I have the first one tomorrow in front of 16 people and the thought alone is making me so nervous. I am rehearsing it all day today but I know I will still clam up/dry mouth/ loose track of what I'm saying.

It's a really important presentation and I'm worried work will think they have made the wrong decision hiring me if I mess it up!

Why do I get so nervous? No one else seems to get like this. Even in smaller meetings then it's my turn to speak my heart starts to go crazy!!!

I hate it too, it does get easier with practice. For me its part anxiety and part imposter syndrome, I know my shit inside out but then I start to second guess myself!

Believe me, most people are nervous, they just hide it.

There was another thread about this a few weeks ago with a lot of good advice. I think one of the main points was to practice practice practice.

This is me, I could've wrote this. When the person round a table before me speaks my heart starts to pound as I know I'm next. Just remember they wouldn't have hired you if they thought you weren't capable. Take your time and go by your notes so you don't lose track. Just believe in yourself more, you're as good as anyone else. You can do this!

Have notes and a glass of water.

Totally understand this. But it's worth remembering that you won't look as nervous to your audience as you feel inside. I once did a training course that involved us being filmed interviewing people. I was completely terrified and felt sick all the way through. But when the video was played back I was amazed that I didn't seem anywhere near as nervous as I felt.

Also worth bearing in mind that its absolutely fine to appear nervous. Most people will be entirely sympathetic.

Make sure you have water handy for dry mouth.
Don't talk too quickly.
Try and slim your notes down as much as you can - to key prompts if possible.

Exactly this. I bet that a lot more people get nervous about public speaking than let on. Plenty of deep breaths and water and just focusing on the job in hand helps.

Me too. I'm confident in most situations and not at all shy but I absolutely hate public speaking. I've been asked to do readings at 2 friends weddings and the stress leading up to it was unreal. I think like PPs have said it gets easier with practice but I'm just thankful my job doesn't require public speaking.

Thank you! Some great advice and tips. It's lovely to know I'm not alone. I just wish it wasn't so much of any issue for me. I've already been dreading it for weeks. My chest always goes bright red too and I know I speak too quickly!

Bachs Rescue Remedy is your friend I get through bottles of the stuff

Good luck OP-you can do it

I'm like this, whenever I have to present anything I write out what I want to say on my notes app and then just read that out. It's possible due to wfh but I don't know what I would do in person!

It gets easier.

You need to remember that no one is looking for you to fail.

If your supporting docs are good then it’ll easily flow.

Set your expectations at the beginning - so you’ll pause after each slide for questions or you’ll wait till the end.

Have some water there ready for sipping when you need to break. And remember you can pause for longer than you think to gather your thoughts!

Good luck. You’re definitely not alone in feeling nervous, but it will pass and you’ll get better and better until it doesn’t bother you at all.

Toastmasters can help you! Their website is down at the moment but it says it should be back up later today. If public speaking is something you will need to do regularly it's worth finding a local club to go to, they will help you gain confidence and improve your speechcraft in a safe and supportive environment. You can go along to their sessions for free as a guest to see what it's all about.
www.toastmasters.org

‘How to own the room’ is a great book for improving confidence in public speaking for women.

While this is all good advice, the real solution is Propranalol. Very safe beta blocker. The racing heart will go, no significant side effects, only need to take it an hour beforehand. Not worrying about this adrenaline driven reaction will allow you to focus and perform. It changed my life and I was exactly like you.

Some zealots will probably be along to say no drugs, but in this case the benefits far outweigh the risks and living with constant stress is not healthy. GPS are usually happy to prescribe for performance anxiety. I can’t recommend enough.

IME most people hate public speaking. I think they should be left well alone to avoid it if so.

However... and this is where you find yourself, OP... some roles legitimately demand it.

The key is to be prepared and really know your subject matter, remember that no one's judging you and take your time. Training helps too.

Personally I love public speaking. Your very own audience, all there to hear ME and they can't leave! I'm the same with job interviews.

No one else seems to get like this.

They do. It's no1 on most lists of things people fear, even more than death! A few people enjoy it but the vast majority are exactly like you. It's tempting to think everyone else finds something easy but as ever the only secret is hard work. Preparation and experience is the way to deal with it. Also breathing exercises and going for a walk beforehand can ease the physical aspects. This is good too - guiltyfeminist.com/big-speeches/

I used to be like this and am the opposite now.

It was a few books that helped me. One was called Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway but I cannot remember who wrote it.

Then a few books about public speaking one explained the fight or flight response and how shaking legs are the body going 'run away!' and light-headedness is all the energy going to the legs so you can run away, so none for your head.

I found that learning why we have those responses helped me say to myself 'it's okay, it's normal and will pass, just keep going'

And I didn't just get over it one day, I think I absorbed that information slowly and put myself in increasingly difficult situations until my confidence grew.

One tip to not get nervous is to know exactly what it is you're going to say. So the one thing you can control is not "tombstoning" which is a theatre term for forgetting your lines, so you freeze.

As long as I know what I'm mean to say it's all good. Because I can't make things up on the fly because of nervous, knowing exactly what I had to say was what stopped me clamming up.

And the more you do this, the closer you get to being 100% confident in public speaking.

This is me too. Much practice but still hate it too unless I'm 100% familiar with I am talking about and know my audience.

Like you, when I'm anxious, I tend to speed up and then lose track of what I'm saying so the key reminder for me just before I start is to take it slow. When I do, I find it much easier to feel in control and as I do, my confidence grow and then I'm ok.

I second - Propanol- it’s miraculous - game changer for me professionally. I was very confident professionally but suffered awful anxiety about public speaking. Propanol sorted my adrenaline rushes, racing heart, shake in my voice immediately. You still get nervous but there’s no outward manifestation- that’s where practice practice practice comes in. Good luck

It's perfectly normal to feel nervous about public speaking, just as it's normal to feel nervous before an exam or an interview or a driving test. The thing to do is to try to set those feeling aside and try not to let them take over.

Ease yourself in by saying something bland: 'Good morning. Thank you all for coming. I'll take questions at the end, and I'll be around at the break if anyone wants to chat.' That gives you a chance to get used to the sound of your own voice, and judge if the pitch and pace is OK.

Aim to project your voice to speak to the people at the back of the room.

As pp said, don't speak too fast. Don't be afraid to pause, especially when you've just made a significant point. It gives your audience a chance to assimilate what you've said, and catch up on their note taking, if they're taking notes.

Don't have your hair flopping forward over your face. If that's your usual style, tie it or clip it back.

Don't look down at your notes all the time. Do the searchlight thing, where you glance down at your notes, then look round at different parts of the audience.

And if you're using Powerpoint or some other tech, have your notes with you on paper or on your own tablet too, so you can carry on if anything goes wrong. I've been to talks where the speaker has been completely thrown when the tech provided by the venue hasn't worked.

Good luck!

Mentioning PowerPoint, please don't just read out your presentation. That's soul destroying to listen to/watch.

You should be talking about your subject and any presentation is just to give useful illustrations like a graph or pie chart to emphasise a point.

Some good advice already given. Practice, practice, practice - and time it is the key.

I'd add just to write a few key phrases in your notes so you are not reading out verbatim. I have to do this as I can't see well without reading glasses but find it keeps me on track sufficiently so I don't worry about forgetting what I'm about to say or losing track. Another tip is to try to be conversational in tone rather than in 'presenter' mode, or worse, to try to tell jokes and engage in banter (unless that's your style).

If you are asked questions, you can engage your audience to help answer. For example, you can say 'That's a very good question. What do people think?' before answering. It gives time to reflect and formulate your own response.

Echo all of these tips. I was petrified the first time I did a proper presentation, but I had practiced so much that as soon as I started I just got in the zone and it was fine. I would even practice the 'hi I'm x bit' and make sure I sounded natural and not like a robot, so nothing was left to chance.

Key thing to remember is that nerves are no indication of you being bad at it. As PP said it'll be your inner imposter - and she lies :)

I second bach's flower remedies but 'mimulus' worked for me, got me through uni presentations........ Just😥 some people use beta blockers. Its far more common a fear/phobia than you think💐

I’m a good public speaker but my nerves are horrible - to the point where I lose the ability to read. My notes might as well be in Cyrillic for all the use they are. I get a weird rushing noise in my ears. Awful.

My secret is to massively over prepare. I learn off chunks and I practice (in private) with big expressions, arm gestures - completely ott.

sounds mad but both strategies draw on psychology - how you perform uneed observation depends on how well you know the material - up to a certain point you’ll do worse under pressure, but there’s a threshold where you excel under pressure. The terminology and phrases I’ve learned off really well will roll off my tongue. But the big gestures will be inhibited.

Another tip is to focus on the audience understanding your material (rather than trying to impress with it), Keep things simple. Kepp things clear. Only ever talk about things you understand fully (if you don’t understand it go figure it out first)